ireove

Life in Toronto

2011-05-17T19:22:00.003-04:00

Recently moved to Toronto, I haven't been able to get my life together. It sounds a bit depressing but yeah, I have been getting sick for these two weeks. The weather is to blame at first, but then I start blaming myself for not being able to take a good care of my own body as well. I haven't been eating well and getting a good rest. Life's been crazy, and lessons have been acquired everyday. I have also learnt so many new sayings.

My New Era - 23

2010-12-13T03:48:00.006-05:00

Haven't written anything for this year's birthday.

It has been a year since I mourned. I still remember how that day was like. I attended staffs party, sent my friend to airport, and then ate out with my friends on the 27th. A call at 12:00AM from my mom changed everything.

This year's birthday party, I have celebrated it with no party and alcohol, unlike previous ones since I was 19. A lot has changed; I have changed, my situation has changed, and people around me have changed. Somehow, things are different now, and before I realized it, I am already 23.

23 years of my life, I realize that I still haven't done much. Even though, should I say, I have changed a lot. I grew up in fucked-up environment where nothing is stable. People seemed to understand nothing about us, and always troubled us. I was troubled, I went to school and looked for troubles, and I caused troubles more than anything because I was exposed to troubles and drama-shits since I was infant. Because of my perspectives, I believed I was alone out there facing cruel world.

Lemme tell you something, you might not be able to understand me because you haven't lived like me, you haven't felt what I felt, and you haven't seen what I seen. I saw people dear to me being messed around by people and I couldn't do shits. I have to admit that I was and am still weak.

But, on my 23rd, I saw something clear. It was clear to me that I have done a lot to improve my life, my study, and my future. Never had I realized that I have done well at university now. Even though it is quite late since I am a fourth year, but getting 80-90s in fourth year is still better than 50-60s during first and second years I guess.

Beside my academic, I also realize that I have many friends dear to me, people whom I want to keep close to me. Something that I see, I have made and lost many friends. Some becomes enemies and some become strangers, not relevant to your life no more. I realize that the best thing I can do is to keep 'em who value me as their friends close to me.

The biggest thing I discover is that life is always hard and cruel. No matter what I do, it is never enough. As I mentioned to my friend before,
"When you are hungry, you look for food; when you are full, you become lazy. When you are poor, you look for money; when you are rich, you underestimate and become lazy. As humans become hungry after not eating for hours and full after they fill their hungers, we will never be satisfied, thus same as life."

Now, I don't want to whine anymore, ain't got time for that anymore. I am 23 now. I want to graduate, get my work permit, start working, and build my fortune. I don't want to be satisfied neither, I want to keep aiming higher and higher. As I have promised myself, I want to make myself more fortune than my old man. How can I do that if I keep whining and complaining about myself and bad luck that happens to me?

When I graduate, during convocation, if they ask me, "what do you want to do now?"
I will say with proud face, "conquer the world." If I can't prove myself and fail, then it's not the world's fault for being cruel, it is me for being weak.

The New World Out There

2010-05-05T03:27:00.002-04:00

"Today, I just got elected as one of the school clubs' president FML."

Well, I suppose I could say that, but I shouldn't ya know.

This is a total new thing for me, being a president of a club.

I never like to be in the spotlight for a long time now.

But, something inside me wants me to take a big role.

I mean, making decision that kinda of stuff.

It was quite confusing even when I had made my speech in front of the club's members.

I was quite holding back.

I became nervous when I stood out there and gave out speech.

Was it because there was no podium for me to lay my hands?

Or was it because I was facing the big role?

Well, I will do my best to execute what I have promised to people.

I hope it will be fun.

There is no holding back since I have the title now.

I guess I am entering a new day.

Unreached

2010-03-14T06:09:00.002-04:00

There are so many things that I want to have

There are so many dreams that I want to fulfill

Yet, I have seen that I can't have everything, nor fulfill every dream

I saw something that I want

I thought a lot of ways to get it

I spent all my days thinking

I went into depression

I thought I would be able to fulfill my dream

Yet, everything seems to be so far away

In the end, it doesn't matter anymore

Let's leave it unreached

Sometimes, we should leave thing alone

For it to stay beautiful

That's when I walk away

Let it be, let it be

My Travel

2010-03-08T01:16:00.002-05:00

It has been years I left home. Living abroad, I have met so many people. I have learnt a lot about life and friendships. I have learnt how to take care of myself. And I have grown up here in Canada. I was 16 years old when I first arrived in Canada. Six years now, six years now.

I have come to meet new people and lost connections with the ones from back home. I have come to build my own dreams. I have realized that I want to do something big with my life. I want to help constructing this world, building a better future for the next generation. Yeah, it is such a dream that I have.

But, somewhere along the road, I miss home. I miss everyone that I left and I miss everyone who leaves. But, my mind has to be strong, I can't stop now, I am halfway into career world. I am almost there, I am almost there. If I stop now, then everything will be in vain. I wasn't born to be in vain, I was born to save the world.

So, my travel shouldn't stop here. I have to keep travelling... One day, I will find home and that's when I will settle. But, not now, not now...

Soon

2010-03-08T00:56:00.008-05:00

Meeting new people is fun; get to know them, learn about them, and chill with them. Yet, it's quite funny to me how people come and leave. Some stays but they eventually leave. Everyday, we meet different people. When it is crowded with people, we look for loneliness. When it is lonely, we look for people.

What's the purpose of interacting if everyone eventually leaves? that's the question that I am trying to answer. Some said it is really pleasant to meet people even if they are going to leave. Well, I am still trying to figure out what some has tried to convince me, that it is really pleasant.

See, when gramp is gone, my mind wonders looking for answers for questions. Many told me I have changed. I don't know how much I have changed, but I believe what they say. I am hungry for knowledge. I want to know the reason behind everything.

For instance here, when you think you find the right person, and before you get to know the person, the person is leaving... so soon before you realize it.

I wonder, if there is any answer to why this should happen.

Funny huh? Yeah, I guess...

Some of My Favourite Quotes

2010-02-26T17:00:00.003-05:00

"If I fight, I conquer." - Confucius

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

"I don't compete with them; they compete with me." - jqL

"I'd rather betray the world than let the world betray me." - Cao Cao

"Truth is a fruit that can only be picked when it is very ripe." - Voltaire

"Men grow tired of sleep, love, singing, and dancing sooner than war." - Homer

"a man can cry one time and one time only: when his mother leaves him forever."

"Go out to the world, learn that you are a loser and learn how to become a winner." - jqL

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you." - Lau Tzu

"Since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved." - Niccolo Machiavelli

"You are just a man." - Marcus Aurelius appointed a man to remind him about his mortality by whispering to his ear whenever he was praised.

"He who blinded by ambition, raises himself to a position whence he cannot mount higher, must thereafter fall with the greatest loss." - Niccolo Machiavelli

"Those who are skilled in combat do not become angered, those who are skilled at winning do not become afraid. Thus the wise win before they fight, while the ignorant fight to win." - Zhuge Liang

"Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend." - Bruce Lee

When the Moon is Hiding

2010-02-24T00:49:00.001-05:00

In every depressing moment
You are the one I look for
Your light shines my mood
It lifts me

But when you are not around
When you hide
I don’t know where to look
I don’t know where to hide

My insanity grows as if I am exploding
I have to depend to myself
My weak and fragile self
Hide behind my ego

I hope you are around
So I can just let it go
And uncover the new page of my life
And write down a new story

Several days to full-moon
I am ready to let everything go away
For the sake of my sanity
For the sake of new chapter

Until then, let it be

let it be

Reinvented under Fire

2010-02-11T15:42:00.009-05:00

Last November 2009 was a rebirth for me. It developed and made me into a better human. Somehow, I start to understand the fundamental concept of how life works. Yet, I don’t know Who made us and why we are here. But, I start to see what my life should be about. I see my goal and I have a new vision of my own future. I am turning into a leader who soon would lead a family. His death was painful that I haven’t been able to fully get over it. Yet, his death has a meaning. The death was a new invention entering my life; it shows me the meaning of living in this world. Never have I thought I am turning into a caring man. Using horoscope, I am a rabbit and Sagittarius at the same time. I was born under the year of fire. I am full of adventure spirit and always want to be a loner. However, somewhere along the road, I long for home; I long for a family.

His death has reinvented a new me. And now, I don’t like rabbit being in between of tiger and dragon. A rabbit that tries to outrun a tiger is called a prey, and a rabbit that tries to outmatch a dragon is called a dreamer. So, I would like to be a phoenix that is reborn under fire instead.

Four-legged Table

2010-02-11T15:25:00.005-05:00

Before reading further, readers should first imagine a four-legged table

Alright, now you have imagined it. I am going to explain my theory – the four-legged table theory. However, I am not sure if there is anyone who has made this theory before. Anyway, the theme is “family.” I want to describe a family as a table. I was inspired by Elisa Prajogo’s idea, my Indonesian friend from UW. Elisa talked about a family being a ship in the storm. If a member falls down from the ship, the rest of the crews will fall with him/her. Elisa opened my eyes into my new viewpoint on caring for and protecting my family.

Let’s go to the four-legged table theory. I suppose parents are bottles of wine on the top of the table and children are the legs. Children would be there as legs to support their parents as they aged. Supposedly, the older the wine, the better it tastes. Thus, that’s how I will describe parents: we give them more love as they aged. As for children, they are the legs. Say there are two children, one child will hold two legs. Those children should work together in preventing the wine from falling. If a child happens to be missing, two legs are gone. Suppose now you know what happen to the table and the wine.

Often, children have different traits that they adopted from their family and social lives. Same case as the legs, each leg may have different feature to it. One might be heavier that another and another might be longer by several millimetres than others. Yet, their purpose is of one; to prevent the wine from falling. Without working together as a whole, the legs will be disabled.

Thus, a family is a four-legged table. If a leg goes missing, then the whole family has to be rebuilt by readjusting the table into three-legged. Changes applied might often be painful and unsustainable. In conclusion, whether a table will fall is all depended on the legs.

The Art of Apology

2010-02-11T01:07:00.005-05:00

Some questions that sometimes come to my mind are such as:

"Why do people apologize?"

"Why don't people apologize?"

"Why some people wouldn't apologize even when they are wrong?"

and

"Why some people would still apologize even when they aren't doing anything wrong?"

I start surfing internet and finding quotes as my first research into the theme "apology." There are many different opinions from people around the world. Some says apologizing is important and some says apologizing isn't a good idea. I wonder, which one is correct? to apologize or not to apologize?

From how I was raised, I should apologize when I do mistakes and hurt others' feeling. From my perspective, apology may be the quickest or the slowest tool ever to fix relationship with someone I harm. Personally, I believe that apology is important when one wants to maintain his/her relationship with others, and the delivery of an apology should be sincere. Sincerity plays important role for other to see how truthful we suffer from our wrongdoings to them and how we want to reconnect with them.

When someone doesn't apologize, it might look like he/she doesn't care about the relationship anymore. But, does that always the case? Apparently, some people don't want to apologize because they don't want hurt their own pride. (need citation) Some people choose to maintain their pride by not apologizing. Yet, I think this isn't a wise thought. After experiencing many things in my life, I come to believe that pride isn't the only thing we need in this world; it is not the most glorious trait ever too. Pride is based ego, yet reputation may make someone a divine. They aren't the same. Especially sometimes pride/ego may fool one into misunderstanding the fundamental concepts behind human relationship.

In relationship, it is important to take care of each other's feelings. Feelings are fragile, they are metaphorically a glass. Once it is broken, it is hard to repair. Even with the gluing, there are cracks and scars left over on the glass. When problems occur, apology can be one of the most important tools for preventing the glass from breaking further. As I have mentioned in the earlier post, mouth is one of the most important sense and it is simple to use. I don't see the difficulty in saying a word "sorry."

Offending people usually leaves scars in their brain and heart. It is dangerous especially when the hatred peaks. Human can do roughly anything when he/she lost control of the hatred. Especially, some people may take more offense when no apology is delivered by the ones that do mistakes. Without apology, the harmed ones may think that they have been looked down so bad that no one cares about what they really feel. They may sometimes feel that they are just simply a trash in the garbage bin; they can be spat on and ruled over. This feeling is dangerous because hatred grows from it. It won't be long before outburst when sincere apology is never delivered. How awful can the hatred outburst be? I suppose the end of relationship may be one of the awful things. Worst comes to worst, physical abuse may occur. Hatred often leads to madness in the end.

Yet, some people apologize a lot. Sometimes they also apologize when they don't commit anything wrong. Thus, I start to wonder, why they do so? I first thought it would be stupid to apologize when one doesn't do anything wrong. It is because one might also be looked down because he/she apologizes too much. Because, now people may see he/she as a weak and harmless person. However, somehow from some events in my life, I start to understand why these people do so. I might as well be one of these people, ones who apologize when they don't do anything wrong.

I let go of my ego for a while now, I try to maintain good relationship with people. I say sorry when I am not wrong. I understand why I do so. It is not because I am weak and harmless; it is more because I care about the relationship. When a relationship is broken, apology doesn't have anymore effect on anything; it will no longer solve anything and hold any relationship together. I choose to have some people look down on me and I apologize. It is also because I know that only the wise can see the truth behind the delivering of apology when not doing anything wrong. To me, it is more like saying "let me take the blame, let me be the one to do the mistake, because I care about our relationship above this conflict of ours."

Personally, I know that it might be one of the hardest thing to apologize when you are not doing anything wrong. I was a man with ego and high pride. But somehow along the way, things changed and I start to care about the relationship I have with people around me. People do mistakes and hurt one another. Using logic, if everyone doesn't apologize for what he/she had done wrong, there will be no mutual understanding and love created in this world. Everyone might as well be against and harm one another.

Thus, apology is one of the important tools for one to consider when one wants to repair relationship. It is only when one no longer cares about the relationship then he/she will not deliver any apology. It is also important to remember that it takes two sides to agree on each other, as it takes two hands to clap. Apology can't just always be delivered by one side. It sometimes takes two sides to apologize for each other's mistakes in maintaining relationship. Yet, some people never seem to understand this concept. I still wonder why people tend to apologize to and forgive each other right before they close their eyes and sleep in eternity. I wonder why people can't apologize just right when they do mistake. I believe we don't need to build a mountain of mistakes and then ask for a forgiveness just right before the mountain explodes. It is better late than never apologize, unless one doesn't care about the relationship anymore.

The Art of a Tongue

2010-02-09T22:37:00.004-05:00

There are many ways to communicate among people. Talking, texting, writing, and body language are some of the examples. Talking involves the movement of tongue and mouth. It is phenomenal for human to able to speak with one another in a very sophisticated way.

Tongue is one of the most unique human body parts. There is much usefulness in every way especially for transmitting language between humans. Words are transmitted as tongue spins. And most of the time, words are transmitted without clear conscience from the mind as humans communicate. It is a crucial part for mouth to function. In everyday life, mouth is a very useful organ for telling story, calling, and mimicking sounds etc.

In this entry, I am going to give opinion about what I think about mouth. First thing first, mouth is useful in transmitting idea from mind and soul. Whatever people see and think, they can always depend on mouth to tell to the rest of the people about what they see and think. It is one of the most important communicating tools for daily life.

Second, there is a saying: your mouth is your tiger. Meaning, without being used properly, whatever words came out from our mouth can end up making others turn against us. Thus, controlling what we say is very important to maintain peace our life. Mouth can be a blissful gift and it can also be a cursed gift. One word “attack” can pretty much flood the whole land with bloods, as we have learnt in the history of warfare. That’s the first thing about mouth.

Third, mouth can also be used to spin words around for turning imagination into reality and blinding people in their euphoria. That’s what we call lies. Eyes are the sense used to justify and see reality, yet mouth can be used to change the reality by spinning the words. “It will be alright”, for example, is used to back up the reality where we know it is not alright. “The school is so good and it provides one of the best education for Canadian boarding school”, as the agent’s tongue spin and I listened, and my head started to imagine my beautiful life in this school even before I visit it. While in reality, it might not be the best place ever or it might even be the worst place to be.

Lastly, mouth can be used to cover up mistakes, flaws, and sins. Voltaire once talked about truth can be picked only when it is very ripe. To me, to prevent the truth to ripe takes one’s ability to use his mouth to delay the truth from coming, or even better if the truth can be brought to the grave using the mouth. The idea came to my mind today where subject and object just need to be replaced to create a totally new meaning. “I love her” and “she loves me” sound different. “I hit you” and “you hit me” as well. It depends on how one’s mouth capability is in order to create a good lie.

My point here is, it depends on a human on how he/she uses the mouth. Telling too many lies causes a person to lose trust from others. Telling a bold truth causes a person to be hated. It all comes back to the saying “your mouth is your tiger” eventually. Someone might suffer if the mouth isn’t well used. It is indeed one of the most useful tool of human body, but may cost life if misused.

Parts of Me

2010-02-09T00:36:00.002-05:00

Everything we do carves our road to the future. The road, or path, then interdependent from our actions - daily activities to crucial decision. This path of ours then lead us to the justification from community of whether we are good or bad. For myself, I have been walking paths of madness. Many interesting events (or what my friends would address as "drama") have taken place in my life. Of many paths that I can choose, I have always tried my best to stay in what people call "the good one". Some people who met me from before, they gave me an opinion about me saying that I can either be a super good guy or a super bad evil. There is nothing as ordinary for me these people said. I didn't really want to believe such thing because it might cause a placebo effect.

But then, recently, I have been so obsessed with reading war and power books, leaving my philosophical books behind. Every action I did, I somehow calculate it even further, afraid if I made mistake. Thinking become my priority and somehow I am becoming evil. I realized this before long when my friend addresses my actions have changed and become more evil.

Now, Confucius talked about how a thought without a moral can become a disastrous weapon. I somehow think I am lack of moral to study those war and power books. There is indeed a difference between a genius and a mad man. I am turning into a mad man.

Oh well, at least, at the bright side, my friend addressed the problems to me and I start to change to the way I used to know. I think I don't need to read these books first. I have to firstly learn more about morality before I should know these warfare thoughts. As Confucius might have studied Sun Tzu's thoughts, he said only "if I fight, I conquer". To me, it means that Confucius knew how to deploy tactics really well, it is just that because he didn't want conflict to happen, then he chose to be peaceful.

I guess I am back to my sense now. I wouldn't imagine what I would become if I don't realize my change by now. Good thing that I can still turn back.

Nothing Lasts Forever

2010-02-07T22:16:00.005-05:00

Nothing lasts forever, that's what people say. Apparently, they made this sentence after the changing nature. In The Art of War, Sun Tzu said something similar to this sentence of mine: the day fades away after sunset, and the night follows. Seasons are involved in a cycle; spring is after winter, and summer is before fall. The wind that blows from early morning will last long but eventually will stop blowing, same case as night blowing wind. The wind will rise again after a while, same case as the day will come after sunrise, and the seasons will repeat themselves on the upcoming year. Thus, he kept mentioning that a good strategist should take this fact to his/her advantages. And yes, I am indeed still claiming myself as a strategist, studying under Sun Tzu =) (since I read his book) - Mencius ever mentioned that he is a student of Confucius even though he just study his books and thoughts without ever meeting him in person.

Thus, nothing lasts forever indeed and that includes human's lifespan. We were born and we will die one day no matter how long we have lived. Isn't it quite painful to accept this fact? Death are something that most of the people would say they are really afraid of. It is their nemesis, something that they want to skip and keep living in this world. But, would that be possible? Even a leaf will become dry and fall, and will be replaced by another leaf. Trees, no matter how long they live, eventually another tree will take their place sooner or later.

But then, during his funeral, I went to this Buddhist temple and chanted for his soul there in afterlife. And this nun was talking, she talked about life and death. She said, according to the teaching, life and death can be addressed as number one and two. One comes before two, and, she asked, what's after two? She said, there is no end to changing and there is always another chapter of life. Everything works in a cycle. Then she continued, what if you put death as number one and life as two? Death comes first and then life is afterward. I come to think about it and somehow I see a logic in it. "Maybe that's right", one day we will go back to the soil and we become part of the Earth and we become another living entity for once more.

The story doesn't end here. My mom brought me to see her nephew, who is a preacher for one sect of Buddhism. Her nephew told me about how people nowadays listen to their mind more than their heart. By heart, he means our feeling and where God lives in our body. He said that heart will eventually close itself when we don't listen to them for a long time. He told me that people try to fight pain for long time and somehow pain will turn people into people that use only their minds. He continued with his talk about life. He said that everyone that we meet and interact in our life, is everyone that we have met before in our life before this one (related to reincarnation). Parents and children meet because they owe one another. Husband and wife owes each other the most. And enemies are because a party has deeply hurt another party. So, he urged me to listen to my tiny heart, do the best in my life, and not forgetting about doing good deeds.

Talk about doing the best in my life, I remember Min/Sky lend me a book before, Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom, his favourite author. This book gives me inspiration about what I should do when I am still alive. I never know the day when I won't wake up forever. This book also teach me about what the author addressed as "the living funeral." It is a funeral for someone who is still alive but the time of death is really close. It is a special occasion where someone ill will invite his/her friends to say what they want to say before he/she passes away. This character of Mitch's book wants to know about what people think about him. Somehow, it is true to me because you probably would never know about anymore comment that people will say in front of your coffin.

So, when my grandfather was told that he won't live longer than a year by doctor before in April 2008, I chose to go back as soon as possible. I don't wanna miss a chance for not able to say whatever I haven't said before. During that moment, we met and talked everyday. I accompanied him. He told me about everything that he never told me before. We talked as adults and we shared what we had never shared. In the end, before I left back to Canada, we waved our last goodbye, he told me "ping an" and I left. I can't explain my emotion as I walked down the stairs. My steps were heavy. My breaths were the same weight as my steps. He passed away in peace last year November, on my birthday. To me, my birthday and his death are the day we met again. I went home, I didn't said anything anymore, I just knelled down praying. Apparently, I think he knows what I want to say anymore. Tuesdays with Morrie has given me such a chance to not regret what happens in my life. I just thought about our memories, good ones and bad ones.

Man, I still remember you are the first guy to ever give me a small shot glass of X.O. cognac when I was five years old. You know, when I drink that every time now, my mind led me back to our memories. I miss you.

Now, I am still walking to the future of mine. I won't stop unless my heartbeats stop. I don't want to regret so I will do my best. Apparently, my body is still young and my mind is becoming sharpen with time. I will keep my heart alive as well. Somehow, I am an adult now...

My Impatience - Final Fantasy XIII

2010-01-27T21:18:00.003-05:00

FF XIII is coming out in March 2010. Good news, I have pre-ordered it. Bad news, it is the busiest month in university. I have been waiting to play this game for such a long time. Should I say it was the last two years I have been waiting for it? After purchasing it, I have to wait until school holiday. Hopefully, it will turn out to be more than a superb game that it will be worth waiting for. Star Ocean 4: the last hope is also coming out in PS3 in February 2010. At last, Square Enix decides to make it for PS3 console. I wonder how many gamers would be pissed if Star Ocean 4 is never to be made for PS3, considering I played the 1st, 2nd, and the 3rd of this game. The good thing here is, I am going to sell my old games to purchase this one. No bad news for now since it is going to be a reading week. Well, don't worry if you don't see me during that week, I am probably busy playing this game and trying to finish it within a week.

One more year to go

2010-01-27T21:08:00.004-05:00

This and next semesters are crucial toward my graduation. I really need to do my best in these two terms. Currently, I have been doing all good, getting almost perfect for my assignments and reading course books everyday. These days, I study almost everyday, hardly leaving myself any day for a break. I wonder, what if I had done this starting from my first year? Would I have done better? Or would it just be the same? Oh well, nothing is to be worried about by now. Eventually, I found the major that I like and I had learnt to study in hard way. I heard that trouble is good in order to train yourself to be discipline.

The problem here is that getting back to Honour program is apparently not easy, especially I am in my fourth year. Supposedly, I am a General program graduate now. But, I won't be able to claim my options and specializations if I graduate right now. Damn, I really have to do something here. All I need here is hardwork and discipline.

This is my last year here in university. I don't know what will happen after I graduate. Maybe nothing will happen, it's just I have to start finding myself a career. It will be a new life by next year. I don't want to mess it up now. Oh well, I just have to work hard right now and find myself a job after. By then, it will be a real adventure.

New Hobby - Reading Books

2010-01-18T03:07:00.002-05:00

I have a new hobby right here. I have started to purchase and read books. Not just books assigned by professors, but I have started to read any kind of books, especially inspirational books. I just start to figure out how fun reading could be.

Lemme see, I found my new hobby during Christmas holiday last year. I had almost nothing to do after my trip back from Indonesia. I wasn't really thinking of hanging out and I wanted to be alone most of the time. I didn't really touch my game consoles and my PC. I wasn't up for anything.

Somehow in the middle, I got bored. Boredom is the most annoying thing. So I started to look around, trying to find what I can do. And, I started to read old comics, magazines, and newspapers. The most book that I read was The Art of War I purchased from Singapore. Once I got tired from reading it, I went to Chapters and started to wander around. I bought myself a book and my sisters some inspirational books.

Ever since then, I start reading when I am bored and tired from school work. Apparently, reading isn't that bad at all. This hobby took me more than twenty years to discover. Many people had suggested me to read books before. But I was being stubborn. Well, somehow, I had never understood how fun reading could be. Now, let's see how much I can read and learn from this new hobby.

Usual and Ordinary Life

2010-01-18T02:51:00.003-05:00

School term starts again and students like me are getting busy for once again. This is my fourth year now and it is one of the most crucial times in my life. I am still trying to raise my average marks and it is quite a pain. More than that, things are getting slower and relaxed for now. Nothing interesting nor intriguing happens these days. Somehow I feel bored. I haven't really thought too much for a while now.

Oh well, maybe it is a good start for me. After living a life of adventures, I might as well take a bit of rest. Living a casual and ordinary life would help me concentrate in school. That's for now at least.

Dreams

2010-01-16T01:39:00.004-05:00

I have a lot of dreams where my grandpa showed up these days. I could say at least four times he had appeared in my dream. They were quite pleasant ones. I could relate them to superstition as well. I mean, maybe he gave me messages. So, three of my dreams happened during the mourning period. The Taoist priest told something about my grandpa would visit family on Thursday, a day before the usual ceremony which is held every week during the mourning period. Somehow, I dreamed about him three times on Thursday. Some would argue that I am way too superstitious but I won't argue on that right now.

My first dream was on the first week of mourning. There, I heard my grandpa voice, calling out for me, telling me something, and I ran everywhere his voice guided me. I was hoping to see his face since I hadn't been home for more than a year. I arrived in a place where it was raining heavily and I saw a cyclonic water inside a hill. To me, that wasn't a happy scenery. The cloud was dark, the rain was heavy, a wet hill with a cyclonic water running inside. In the morning, I woke up from my dream and I went upstair to pray as usual. It was, apparently, raining.

My second dream was several days before I traveled back to Canada. (Long trip where your option was only sit on the plane for a day) I dreamed he gave me a scenery of a beautiful garden, just right outside his room, the place where he grew his plants and flowers. I was stunned, calling out for him, knelled down, and cried.

My third dream was in Canada. But I won't share it here. Well, it was quite a... disaster. It wasn't a bad dream, but well... let's leave it here.

The fourth one, it was after the mourning period ended. People said, the deceased goes to the after-life world/ heaven at the end of mourning period. That is the time when the deceased moves on. So, I went to sleep around 2AM on Thursday to prepare for my Friday's 8:30 AM morning class. There, I dreamed he was sitting in front of where he grew his flowers and plants. It was at night and the wind was blowing. I went outside, grabbed a chair, and sit beside him. We were talking and enjoying the night breeze. My dad soon followed, grabbed a chair and sit right in front of my grandpa. My youngest brother stood beside my dad. There, I saw my grandpa can't stop laughing while talking to us. His laughters were warm. It seems to me that he was really happy having to sit and chat with us. I was happy too. Everyone was happy in this dream. It was a really pleasant dream (I loved and enjoyed it) except I almost missed my morning class because I woke up at 9AM.

From how my dreams went, they were like chapters in a story book. The story went from raining onto a beautiful rainbow shows up. It seems that finally he has moved on and he is happy. Well, I guess it is my time to move on as well. Let him enjoy his time there while I will keep struggling with my life here. My journey is still on. I can't stop for now. I have big and ambitious goals. I still need to show what I worth.

I don't know how true could the dreams be. Some would say that I dreamed a lot about my grandpa because I thought a lot about him. On another hand, superstition would argue that he gave me those dreams. Well, I wouldn't care much. After all, a dream is a dream, and I would like to take my dreams as the messages given by him.

The 6th Week of Mourning

2010-01-10T19:45:00.005-05:00

Today is the last day of the sixth week. Tomorrow will be the beginning of the seventh week. The mourning period will soon end.

I have come to learn many things ever since the homecoming. I've learnt more about sadness, despair, fear, death, and traditions. Not only that, after digesting the things I learnt, I came to understand more about life, love, family, and happiness. Indeed, this is my first time losing someone dear to me. The feeling is indescribable. I tried not to cry during the ceremony and this period. Because, it is his way for his men.

Somehow, ever since then, I am urging myself to grow up. I am getting more serious in what I am doing. I appreciate life more than ever. I love my family and people around me more than ever. It is kinda a feeling where I am an emerging generation, I am growing older, and I should prepare to take the responsibility for my family pretty soon.

People are aging by day, by month, and by year. Realizing this, I should do more in appreciating my moment of living. So, from here, I want to correct everything that I have done wrong. It will be different from here on. The things I learnt from then, I won't leave it to waste. I promise.

Homecoming

2009-12-28T16:42:00.006-05:00

(written on December 1st 2009)

sittin' in the coffee shop

chillin' with my iced cappucino

wanderin' inside my head

waitin' for my flight back to hometown

another homecoming, yet different

another meeting, yet different

the meeting between two worlds

the meeting between two men

it is close yet it is distant

it is distant yet it is close

never had I thought of this day

never had I prepared to meet in this way

yet fate has brought us together

on the day I treasure

the twenty-eighth of November

it is the day I was born

it is the day you walked away

it is a rainy day yet it is coloured by rainbow

this day, I will always remember

never had I said this in front of you

I hope it is not yet too late to say it now

"I love you gramp

You will always be remembered

Have a safe journey"

Your grandson

jqL

B.L.O.G

2009-11-05T20:33:00.002-05:00

I always wonder..."why does people write a blog..?"

Most blogs that I've read are mostly complaints and something really sad... or something really emo -__-''

Why would people want to let other people to know how they feel though blog?

Instead of telling them yourself, you act as if nothing happens and then wrote everything on the blog ... which is kinda funny for me =p

...but recently, after reading Isis's blog, I get some new perspective on blogs.. I guess =p I found out that blog can be motivational too...

Maybe it's not always negative... Let's find something interesting to write, something cheerful... aspiring... fun for people to read ^__^

Instead of remembering the negative things that happens, we can always look at the bright side once in awhile...

I'm sure there's a silver lining in everything~ (hopefully there is~)

So... since Botak already added me to the list... I figured I might as well write something here =p

This will be my first blog... ever! =p

parting ways

2009-10-24T18:09:00.002-04:00

years before, I thought it was the parting

somehow today, everything I left and buried

came back up to me

but I have no right

I got no power

I am still the same as I were

but yeah, maybe this is forever

maybe this is a real parting ways

I have nothing to say from the very beginning

I have nothing in my pocket from the very beginning

Now I've gained many things

and I am still on my way

it is all thanks to you

eventually, our meeting is one of the moments that I will always cherish

good luck

Suicide Info (Canada)

2009-09-05T18:39:00.003-04:00

If you ever find out that you are in a big distress or in a big shit that

you start thinking about killing your fucking self...

Please, think about it again,

Please don't be shy and call either or these numbers,

It might save your life

Survivor Support Programme

(416)-595-1716

Toronto: Distress Centre

(416)-408-HELP (4357)

or go to this website, http://www.suicideinfo.ca/csp/go.aspx?tabid=86, for more numbers

NOTE: I am not the guy who will think of suicidal action

Then, I just post these numbers up thinking that it might save a life out there

WARNING: some of these numbers are not available during weekends, because I have tried to call, again, doesn't mean I am the one who wants to commit suicidal actions, okay? I just want to help those who are distressed or not satisfied with their lives

You know, you are not alone in this world

you are not the only who experience shits as well

some people experienced worse shits and they are still alive

I should put the problems that we have as a school;

when you write test, you fail if you can't answer the questions

but you can always write the test again, who said test can be only written once?

and if you still fail the tests no matter how you do

then, come out from the school

no matter if you should be dropped out

find your own way to living

make your own test

and answer them

score them

if you can't stand living under the laws other people made for you

then live by your own laws

and popularize the laws

so that others live under your laws

connection... established

2009-09-02T02:33:00.003-04:00

I finally opened up myself

fought my own fear

and won

Somewhat relieved

now that there is no more secret

and

I think I have just found

a friend

with the same kind of feeling

Masa's Farewell

2009-08-29T19:54:00.000-04:00

"They say, tasting sweetness everyday will make the taste itself become plain and tasteless, we need some bitterness in our life, something like truffles chocolate bitterly sweet, to make our life wonderful and colourful..." - jqL
We had so many sweet and blissful things happened during Summer 2009, the worst was yet to arrive...

HEADING NOTE: EVERYONE WHO IS MENTIONED IN THIS NOTE IS THUS A SUPERSTAR!!

CHAPTER I - 23rd August 2009 - Egg Sandwich
1:00 AM - Masa had to pick up his luggage from his house. He stayed in my apartment because it is closer to the bus station
2:00 AM - Bacon and egg before sleep (pump up calories and protein)
7:00 AM - Supposedly a wake-up time
8:00 AM - Just-in-case alarm rang
9:30 AM - We woke up and rushed to the bus station to catch a 10:30 AM bus

10:26 AM - Masa and I went in to buy an egg sandwich and Betty headed to the bus
10:29 AM - (Masa and Betty)
Tried to convince the bus driver to wait one minute
10:30 AM - (Andreas)
First bite to my sandwich, I finished paying but found no bus or person outside. As the
dust flew by my face, I had to wait 1 hour for the next bus. FML!

Note: and thus, the FML of the century, begun...

CHAPTER II - Money and Glory
CNE

1:30 PM - We met Indra and left Masa's luggage and our stuffs in Eka's place, and we departed for CNE to meet with Vinny and Charles
Cowboy

2:30 PM - Got so many bazaars and games that we could have played there, but we were short of cash and there was massive ATM machine breakdown taking place in CNE.

Note: CNE got a casino as well, you would be innocent if you come to think that we would just stand there whole day without seizing the opportunity, wouldn't you?
The problem was --------> ATM breakdown and we ain't got cash! FOL (F*Our*Life)!

6:00 PM - we went to eat near by Union Station and met a Japanese exchange student (can somebody provide me her name? I didn't quite catch it)
Nearby Union

CHAPTER III - Inglourious Losers
7:30 PM - Finished eating, we went back to CNE
9:00 PM - Charles told me that the fireworks will begin at 10PM
Fireworks for them
Casino for the other 3

10:00 PM - Missed the fireworks because Masa, Indra, and I were stuck trying our luck, yet...
10:45 PM - Our luck sucked hell! FOL!

Note: That Chinese uncle on the blackjack table was a hardcore gambler!

11:30 PM - We went home to the apt
11:45 PM - Something was missing
We lost our luck
We lost Eka's key!! FOL!!!

CHAPTER IV - 24th August 2009 - 20%
00:00 AM - We could see "constipated" expressions on one another faces. No one laughed or smiled at this point, we headed back to CNE to find the key!

No laptop, no spare key, no internet, Masa's and Indra's cellphones were dead, and I got mine 20% battery power left, and Eka was in Indonesia. FOL!

00:30 AM - I called Tika Mak and asked her to check my facebook and started finding any relevant phone number (+6281 numbers)
00:45 PM - No one posted their cellphone or anything while they are in Indonesia, except.. my infamous brother, the leader of the Hedonz, Edify Salim. I started calling Edify and I got no Eka's phone but Mando's (Mando didn't pick up, I think he should be away)

00:55 AM - Almost gave up calling, Tika and Jeff gave me the number of the strangest person in my life, Handoko (who the heck is this guy, I didn't even know). They convinced me that this guy should know Eka's phone number. Trusting my friends, I called!
1:10 AM - Handoko picked up his phone, and he knew Eka's phone number! that's what you called a HORRAY!
1:15 AM - Eka picked up his phone and he said he will talk to the management once it opens in the next morning
1:30 AM - Relieved, we went to eat some Vietnamese noddles, and went to sleep. We thought everything was solved at this point. We thought..................................................................

CHAPTER V - Cardiac Arrest
8:00 AM - Management Office didn't want to accept any confirmation from Eka unless the authorization letter was to be faxed into the office. I said they needed not to be faxed, but f***ed. FOL!
09:00 AM - Got no incense to burn, I prayed in the washroom with my favourite "incense", Belmont.
09:30 AM - Masa called the airplane company to cancel his flight since it was already evening in Indonesia, and faxing company was already closed! He redirected his plane ticket to Wednesday. FOL!
During this time, the only thing that we can do was praying for miracle. No one was able to speak a word, no one, we gave up. FOL so much that we couldn't speak anymore!

CHAPTER VI - The Lagged Happiness
10:18 AM - I got the heavenly angel text message from Eka
His saviour line,

"Tak, dah gw kirim faxnya!"

(Translation: "Tak, I have sent the fax!")

10:19 AM - After stunned for 1 minute, we didn't even remember how to laugh already, we just rushed to the f**king management office and got the authorization to enter the room!
10:45 AM - We came to agree that this incident is the biggest shit ever in our life. the biggest FOL for century!

CHAPTER VII - The Goodbye
11:30 AM - Masa, Betty, and I, we ate McDonalds before heading to the Kipling and took the airport rocket to Pearson. (Note: where was Indra? dropped dead exhausted accompanied by Ulriq)
12:30 PM - Masa's check in time for destination Calgary and we met Gracie and Richard.
Saved by the day

1:00 PM - I had a last game of Shogi with Masa but he got to board the plane so we had an unfinished game, saying the next time we play again it should be in Starbucks, in Japan....
Cheers of the century
gotta know that the thunderstorm just passed

Shogi game got interrupted by a delayed flight!

Let's meet again in the future

1: 46 PM - Masa text me

"Filght is delayed! Last days suck!"

Now, I laughed as hard as everyone else did. The laughs for the shit we have been through, and we were happily sad.
2:00 PM - I realized that my phone bill won't be light for this month, FML!

I have to end the note, because I finished my story.
I would like to give my:
Special thanks to:
Tika Basani
Jeff Jaden
Edify Salim
Indra Sulaiman
and everyone who had been involved and helped us in this incident

Godlike thank to:
Handoko (I don't know who is this, but I thank you so much for picking up my call and helped me when we were just total strangers. I wish you a good luck and I would like to meet you)

More than a godlike thank (in dota, they call it "holy shit!" thank):
Eka Lasmana - Man, I would like to let you know how my friends and I thank you so much for the deed you had done for me and my friends. I heard your motorcycle machine when I called you and I assumed you rushed as fast as you can in order to help me. Words won't be enough to express my gratitude and thank! you basically turned our FML into a joyful moment! I will see you when you are back in Canada. Man, IOU a great one!

WARNING!!

Never put passport and keys in the same pocket
you might lose the key if you do so

"They say, some people find bitterness amusing as we don't need sweetness in our life. I say, coffee without sugar and cream isn't perfect, we have to make it sweetly bitter, to make our life wonderful and colourful..." - jqL
At least, we got some memory together (blissful and sucky), are we not, my friends?

The Life of an Underdog

2009-08-26T18:28:00.003-04:00

For my good friend,
it's been a long time before we met again
seems to me that the world that revolves around you
hasn't yet changed

Lemme tell you my story, from my point of view:
many people that I knew before
they thought of I haven't changed too
they thought I was the Andreas that they knew
either that's true or not as reality
I myself think that they are wrong

I have no longer followed the wave
I am no longer a flowing water
I have long forgotten about my old entity
I fought my way out of this

when I secluded myself
when I went into the corner of the room
where I can only see the moonlight
I thought of one thing
only one thing

"I am an underdog
no one gives me a respect though I give them
why the world isn't fair to me?"

but even so,
there was a drive inside me
I strengthened my instinct
I talked to him
the only entity inside me that usually drives me crazy

there I found my answer
"I am an underdog
people make fun of me
but I don't want to beg them to stop fooling around with me
I know I am messed up
but begging them won't stop them from making fun of me
the only thing I can do is
I should proof myself that I worth something"

ya knoe, before, I thought that after I get out from the underdog league
I will show them no mercy
I will have them know that Andreas is at the top of the world

but ya knoe,
I am a better person now
I don't follow the flow anymore
I have my own stand
I choose my own way
too
I don't think of mocking the ones who used to make fun of me
I don't even care about those stupidity anymore

So, for my good friend
get out from that league
talk to yourself
talk to your entity

we were born for a specific reason
you have to find that out
die is no longer an option
fucking, live and show the world
especially yourself
of what you are capable of

don't be afraid if they take over for once again
we had been an underdog once
if we crush them and they crush us back
we might be the second-time underdog
the underdog with more experience
and more will
to climb back up to the top =p
eventually, we start to run first
we will reach to the finish line
faster than anyone

so my friend,
face the cruel world
and show the cruel world
of what you are

eventually, the one that rules the world is the one that used to be an underdog

Runaway they say

2009-08-01T20:17:00.000-04:00

We are people... We are mortal... We are something that the immortals envy... Yet, the immortals don't know something about us, the part where most of us try to do... To run away from problems

Most of us, majority of people, we try to run away from problems, we try not to look into the problems... Especially if we are the first persons

We run, we don't wanna be sober, we try not to be. As the matter of fact, when we are sober, we will get any substance that would make us not sober again...

But then, in some part of us, deep inside ourselves, we want to stop running, yea... We want to

Summer Enlightement

2009-08-01T20:03:00.000-04:00

I don't know about the weather, whether it has changed to summer or not,
But I surely know that something has changed
Somehow, I am a happier man
And I have learnt how to open myself to cherish my surroundings, for once more...

Summer time, would be the marking point of my life
I have experienced and learnt so many things
I have also come to learn that I am not everthing nor nothing

It's also thanks to every moment that I have experienced before that brought me up to this point today

Seems to me that I have talked about a lot of changes happening
But I do believe that some things would never change
My affection to moon
And
My will to climb to the top

Damn, now i'm an adult, and that is annoying
It seems like I've talked about happiness,
And as the balance, will the bad luck arrive soon??

6:40

2009-06-28T06:31:00.003-04:00

(Etude Op. 10 No. 3 - Tristesse)

I start listening to Chopin's work
after playing Eternal Sonata
I start researching about him and his life
apparently, this guy is something
he is a so-called "the poet of the piano"

I don't know how to play piano
or any other instrument
but, I listen to trance and techno
and I love them

see...
I may as well understand this kind of music
as long as I feel it I guess

6:43

gayest thing ever

2009-04-29T21:14:00.002-04:00

lots of stuff happened lately...

i've already lower my position in order to make things better...

but the reply pissed me off even more...

wut the heck does this suppose to mean...

"Go ahead, Be a jerk, Like I care at all."

wtf is that???

i've lower my position while i did nothing wrong

and now? wut the fuck is that person thinking????

i've agreed to take the option that was given to me with wut that person said before

but now, sayin that im a jerk???

if that person is gonna do that, then, i guess, i hav no choice but to take actions

i can feel my anger has boosted up again

i just cant take it anymore...

untitled

2009-04-17T00:11:00.003-04:00

what if I say,
"for the sake of protecting the beloved ones, you sometimes should respond to hatred in order to unleash wrath to your enemies"?

Today, I went to library and borrowed the famous "the art of war". The more I read it, the more my minds come to these questions:
- What are the main reasons of wars?
- is war caused by dissatisfaction and greediness of humans?
- is war because they want more than what you have?
- how should I prevent loss from war if it has to happen?
- how to make this world peaceful?

I guess I came to answer some of the questions.
- as long as there are people who love winning and gaining more than what others have, there will be wars.
- as long as there is love, there will be hatred. Both of them are inevitably standing together, seperated only by thin line. When you love some people too much, you might as well turn into an avenger when they are hurt by others.
- to prevent wars, people offer peace to others. But, Homer had stated before, a wise man prepares for war while in peace. So, does it mean that offering your enemy a peace is actually preparing for the war in the future?

oh well, too many questions to answer, I guess I will go back to reading for now...
war and its philosophies, they are just way too sophisticated and complicated
they show me how people struggle when they are in despair and in between the seperation gate of life and death. While people struggle, they advance to the next stage of intellegence. If they can't, they die and perish away.

The art of war itself, I call it the lifesaver and deathbringer
lifesaver to the one who masters the knowledge taught by it
deathbringer to the one who doesn't possess it or master the knowledge

end of the semester...

2009-04-14T18:56:00.002-04:00

Hell yeah, at last this semester ends
for people who still have exams
I wish good luck to all of you !!

Now is the time to slack off for awhile
time for blogging
well, even with particularly nothing in mind right

talking about academic stuff
I think that I have become a better student this semester
even though I haven't given out my best yet
slacking off sometimes
but at least now I am an average student
*basically saying my grades are tight to the classes' averages

I will definitely do better next semester
my spirit won't fail me now huh ?

somehow, I think that now I can at least relax
relax in the way that I don't need to worry about my performance
I used to worry about my grades and I ended up blaming myself

but now I can say,
"no matter how bad my grades will turn out to be from now on, I don't care"
why?
"because I know I have at least tried my best"

I guess I just don't care about the surrounding when I know I have done my best
that's just my nature
heh.............

superstar will be back tomorrow

2009-04-08T20:22:00.002-04:00

.......... studying @DP
for the first and last exam that I have for this semester
all I need is study tonight
no zombies, no shinra armies
just study.........

and as I have promised,
superstar will be back on form tomorrow
basically saying
soccer time BIATCH !
I still can't believe liverpool 1-3 chelsea

damn, most of friends will go back home in summer
hmm...... let's see how boring this summer will be
have fun to whoever going back home
I am here taking GIS project and philosophy classes
wish me luck

battle cry - winter 2009

2009-03-29T23:14:00.003-04:00

the final exam period is already near
I guess there is nothing wrong with me starting my battle cry today
since next week is my doomsday (2 exams, 1 presentation, and 2 big assignments due)
I only have one official final exam schedule in registrar

Father, here I am again
your son who always looks for You when he needs help
hope You don't mind
please grant me power and spirit, and walk with me along my path
I have to ace them this time, I can't slack off
I need You to show me the light
also guide all of my friends who are having exams as well
for my enemies, that's up to You
please help me to stay out from troubles during this week
as I will only be able to deal with troubles again after exams done

Thank You my Friend

now, let's start what I need to start
good luck everyone !!

after all, I still don't know what to say

2009-02-27T15:56:00.007-05:00

I guess it is about time

---
after all, the savior is about to leave
bleh................
I thought I can keep it cool and just letta go
but somehow I feel the urge of letting the words out
--- --- ---
after all, the light is about to leave
bleh...............
goddammit..................
and somehow, I gotta close it with an ending
--- --- ---
after all, I am still helpless
but at least I have changed
into somewhat a "man"
thanks to ya
--- --- ---
after all, I hate writing in public too ya know
just that I havta spill it out
this is something that I don't want to keep forever
coz regret is not one of the words that I wanna have
--- --- ---
I guess it is about time
--- --- ---
this time I might not be able to fly to wherever it is anymore
but still at the end
I just havta run there before ya leave the scene
and shout it out
--- --- ---
"Thanks !!!"
--- --- ---
damn, this is troublesome
and forgive me of my ego
something that I can never change
--- --- ---
whether ya like it or not
whether ya hate it or not
whether ya feel disgusted or not
after all, I was born to annoy ya
---
-jqL_

wrong article

2009-02-06T17:38:00.010-05:00

I assume this is what you get for not attending classes
But, I didn't attend class because I didn't want to or something like that
I was just too tired from flu and midterms

So, I found out that I had this assignment due tomorrow
I went through the adversity of reading two articles to choose which one I wanted
I wrote a freaking long summary for f*** sake
well, it is only one page single spaced -___-''

so, while writing, I remembered, I didn't know which article had been assigned
so I went to ACE and wrote mails for every student in my class
(I didn't mail the prof and TAs because they might think I am dumbass)

Many people replied (wow, this class has nice students)
the first two repliers wrote something like:
"You can choose any article that we have already covered up this point. And its not really a summary that you write, more like a personal reflection (likes, dislikes, etc.) - check out the mini assignment description file in the Lessons Tab."

I was like "cool"
so I finished up the assignment and went to bed
I was pumped up the next day, trusting myself in writing a really good summary
that I will get at least 4.5/5 this time.
so I went in to the class, ugh.... 30 minutes late as usual (but it is a good way for prof to remember my face I guess)
it is not because I go to class late on purpose
I have sleeping disorders sometimes, or you call that insomnia
sometimes though.........
end of the point, I handed in my assignment.

I went home, and someone replied my email, I thought..............
it wasn't a reply apparently
it was kind of a notification from my TA

"Hi,
For the mini assignment 2 it was required to discuss one of the readings assigned for either week 4 or week 5. The reading you chose was part of the first round and therefore cannot be graded for this submission. I will give you the opportunity to re-submit to me via email if you wish. Let me know what you decide to do. "

nice...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
what did she mean by letting her know what I decided to do, it didn't seem to me that I have choice not to write another summary either T_T

but after all, I know that it shouldn't be just me who wrote summary on the wrong article by then since there were 6 students replied me with almost the same content as the first quotation.

a walk to the future

2009-02-01T23:48:00.004-05:00

seems like I had been talking and rewinding about the pasts
the past was sweet yet bitter (same thing as the bitterness in the coffee adding 1 spoon of sugar)
most of the times, everything to me had been in the form of "was"
but, after thoughts and events, now I start to see changes in me
as time passes by, I know how important is one second to me

I have started to forecast
what I want to become
what I want to achieve
not about who I was
but who I am going to be

so many ideas and thoughts also inspire me
for instance, "if one hand can't hold the weight, then I just need to use both hand"
similar to saying "if I can't see clearly of where I am heading, then I just have to concentrate more"

I am living in the present
not in the past anymore
not yet future
I start to see how many jumping stones that I still have with me right now
I can choose among those 8 ways carefully
(hint: a piece in chess that has 8 options of the next move)
one single mistake may blow off everything

now, I have to build myself
stronger and tougher
faster and more furious
I am not "that" young anymore
I now have people in back that I have to protect
and for these, I will keep strieving
struggling, repairing myself
looking forward to the future of mine

sigh......
I guess that's the price of getting older
but I just have to do it, true?
after all, I am -jqL_ the superstar
I have to become model to the new generations
(puke***)
in my name I trust

path

2009-01-31T02:26:00.010-05:00

after playing chess for some times
I eventually come to a point where I like two pieces more than any other pieces on the board

I would ready to use other pieces as shield in order to protect these pieces
these pieces are meant to be used for either defense or offense

they are vulnerable when standing right beside each other

but they are wicked when they are on their own seperated paths

not stronger than rooks but may take rooks down easily when the rooks are misplaced

no piece can move the way they move

making them the most special pieces in chess

I want to be like these pieces

moving in the way that is hard to be interpreted

the black knight

the one who walks in the wicked path for same reason as other pieces

to checkmate the king

as I said, I always like to be second to move, which is the black piece

why do I like to move after white/red?

first, first to move is just annoying coz you havta think more

and, I just love this color 2 much

.
.

shit, time to go back to study

and one more thing ALEX JUNIWAN, you are too good in int'l chess, why don't we play a lil bit of chinese chess? I will pwn you fo syo

in one condition though, you still don't know how to play it, making you a noobie and my apprentice

neglected blog

2009-01-24T03:39:00.002-05:00

it's been such a long time
it feels so good to be back in blogging again
argh after all, it is a very busy term
taking 4 courses and classes are always full
(I guess 3rd year classes are always attended by students)
ugh, so many assignments and midterms coming up soon enough
but before that happens I should first prepare for the upcoming disasters
which will soon lead me to neglect this blog for once again

before I neglect it for some time, I would like to leave some notes:
1. Kenny hope you get well soon
2. Happy Lunar New Year everyone! here comes the oxen generation! ox + ox = oxen (not oxs or oxox maybe oxes)

coffee time again, time to reduce smoke
and still my promise to "no alcohol" until the end of the final exams
yeah, after all... I start to see how alcohol turns me into a stupid bastard
I would rather stay sane than go bastard I guess

Flashback - 2 Days to 2009

2008-12-30T03:51:00.003-05:00

2008 almost at the end of its life
it will be talked in past tense soon enough
48 hours to its death
I will soon remember this year
as the year where everything crumbled

I know people must have been tired listening to what I said
same shits every single time
this collapsed that collapsed
what didn't collapse?
I guess only my head is still on the top of my body
which is good enough

after all, I haven't been engulfed by guiltiness for such a long time ever since that day
yeah, perhaps, 2008 is not my era if I look back
but if I can change and become better in 2009
then 2008 is my era

what the hell?!?!
so is it my era or not?!?!
we'll see I guess

now, I truly understand that I shouldn't let time passes by me without me doing anything
I eventually learned how important time is
my mom used to say "we only live once"
I gotta live my life to the fullest
I gotta do my things like there is no tomorrow
also thanks to a friend
now I finally understood

Out of Time - RIP Barrington Cockett - I Apologize and I Thank You, Safe Trip My Friend

2008-12-29T18:28:00.003-05:00

I have been thinking about this
I have been thinking about time
I have been thinking about promise
I have been thinking whether I should do whatever I can today or I can leave it for tomorrow

I thought time can wait
tomorrow can wait
I thought I can relax
doing things one by one

but, something has just proven me wrong
I am totally wrong about how I manage my time
time is the most valuable thing in this world
we can buy everything in this world but not time

I regret I didn't visit you, Barrington
I forgot every time after I said I will visit you
I was dumb, I didn't know how to value our friendship
I know there is no point of saying this right now since you are not here anymore
and I know that I should blame myself instead of blaming time

I can't forgive myself of what I've done
I regret I have broken the promises

I still remember how we used to work together in the lab
trying to finish the assignments for GEOG 355 and 455
after all, you are in my memories
just that I didn't really value this before
I was fooling around with my life

Starting from now on, to value our friendship
I want to repair myself
I will keep my words
There is no more "whatever, tomorrow can wait"

Thanks for being my friend, thanks for teaching me how to live
thanks for everything
I am glad that I have known you
even it is only for 2 semesters we are in the same class and work together
goodbye Barrington
rest in peace
safe trip to His side

What a wonderful world

2008-12-26T10:27:00.003-05:00

I saw a woman fall today on the road. She slipped due to the severe conditions of icy roads. People from left, and right jumped out of nowhere to help out this lady.
This world still holds beautiful people with beautiful hearts.

Lessons from December

2008-12-24T03:05:00.003-05:00

I guess it is my time to become "student" of life again
I had always thought that I am able to solve problems easily
but eventually, I had come to a very critical point where my mind wasn't able to work properly
when many problems came to me at the same time, I was lost, and without knowing what to do, I wandered around looking for answers. It felt like I was walking in a maze with my eyes blinded.

I had always thought that I am the "teacher"
because I had always been helping people with my suggestions
I might be "teacher", but only to others, not to myself
when I had all of these problems, I was lost
I thought I was strong,
but I found out that I am just as weak as everyone else
I thought I was fearless,
but I have just proved myself wrong

I met with so many people this month, I didn't ask for advices, but it seemed like all of the advices eventually came into my ears and my mind. I came to realize that I am still weak. I realized that I was a crab who was trying to teach his children of how to walk straight.

One of my friends said, I have always been there for my friends, but I haven't been there for myself. I guess he made a point there. Indeed, I start to realize that I have to spend more time thinking of how I should advance in life.

Whatever I had built has all become pieces, nothing left, leaving me in despair.
but, after today's conversation with a friend, I come to realize that my "building" was built from when I first entered high school in Canada, and now the building is all ruined.

but, I know, what I can do now is only one thing, to reconstruct, to renew, and to repair
everything, every pieces of my building... I won't only rebuild that building, but I will also make it stronger, and I will keep adding stories until it reaches heaven

Next year will be different
at least I have come to learn more of my weaknesses
I will learn how to be stronger
and fearless

some people never understand

2008-12-16T18:22:00.005-05:00

man, I really love this sentence
after working as a part-time porter

See, the thing is
today I went to work and I felt same things about working there nowadays
I am mad because everything is being spilled to me
I work harder than everyone else even though I am just a part-time worker

probably I shouldn't use "I" for this time, it should be "we"
lone wolf is trying to use "we" hahahaha

It was fun working there before even though we finished around 2 or 3 in the morning
It seems to me that we were working so happily even though we were tired at the end of the day
but things changed
now there are so many shits going on that place
I think we almost lost the whole motivation
something is just holding us behind from working there happily

I learn one more thing today
I see most of the people there don't understand what is the meaning of having two hands
see, we are the perfect human
we are not disabled and we can work and we can do almost everything that we want
most of the people there they slack off, they have too much reasons for not working as hard as we are
"oh, my back hurts" for example

damn, these people probably mistaken us as a superhuman who needs no rest

if I were batman, yeah, I can go working afternoon and save people at night (quote: Hendry)
or if anyone of us were, uh, mr. spidy, anyone of us would have used the ability of shooting web to clean the plates or stuffs, but yeah, they would just have to clean the spider web before they can use it
or if Mike was Kamen Rider, then he would be able to put back the stuffs using his motors
or if Frank was Goku, then he can turn the whole garbage into ashes upstairs with his kamehame without taking it downstair
or something like that

(back to reality)
lemme ask you a question, how much you would want even only one hand when you have no hand? how much you wanna use that hand to do something?
see, all of these people who are blessed with two hands when they were born, are not grateful enough and they are slacking off, finding reasons to avoid work

my elders used to tell me "it takes half year before you can eat 1 rice"
so, do you expect to eat a freaking bowl of rice when you just sit down and wait for the rice to grow?
This ain't no Egypt back then in the Bible, it seems to me that those people are waiting for the food to be sent from the sky down to earth

I come to this sentence today
"the only thing that perfect human lack of is ... hope"
disabled, they always have a big hope that they will become useful oneday
but I don't see that in most of the perfect human
ironically, when we are perfect, most of us tend to rot and stop developing, there is lack will

as a closure,
some people never understand
I hope that I won't be like them when I am in their age
I have my own values, so I will let them keep their values
since I think most of the values of them are piles of garbage in front of my eyes

before my exam

2008-12-15T18:22:00.003-05:00

boredom
yes, it is boredom

frank is sitting beside me
he is playing sudoku on a website
i am on my plain blog post
i don't really know what to write

1 hour to the exam
i saw the wrong time
i thought it is 7 pm
but it is 7.30 pm

good thing though
coz if the exam was yesterday
then i would have missed 3 finals in total
6 exams including the midterms
good thing luck was on my side every time i missed exams

120 multiple choice questions my prof said
you know what i hate the most?
multiple choice, my friends
i always do bad in questions like this

damn, what if i fail elpe again?
it will be the 4th time as well

anyway, this semester is just not my style
not my days
boredom

in my memories

2008-12-14T17:42:00.003-05:00

When I took a look at my hometown friends' pictures
the pictures they took together around these days
I took a deep breath and sighing

I felt something is missing
I felt someone is missing
apparently, I am the one who is missing
I felt like I am not there anymore
I am in somewhere else instead
I felt like...

"stranger"

have I started to miss those old days?
when we were all still younger than now and still a no-brainer?

time passes so fast that I lost track of what is happening with all of you guys
funny, in every reunion, what we talked about always about how we were back in high school

it seems to me that our time stops there
it doesn't move on to this stage of life
is it because we rarely meet?

I guess it is
because our most beautiful memories are from high school
when we ran away from class, hid in another class
when we didn't attend morning class, we were having our breakfast
when we had big time arguments with teachers
and when we pulled pranks on one another

it was fun, indeed, yeah...
but what to say, we all have our ways now
we walk our own paths
and hopefully, one day, we will cross path for once again
as friends

apparently, we are all still "that" young every time we meet
just that we don't mess around with our life anymore
haha

Times

2008-12-13T23:14:00.002-05:00

How many times you should keep trying something to see whether it works or not?
me, two...
there is once
there is twice
but there is no such thing as thrice

because unluckiness doesn't come once only
it may repeat as many times it wants to
that's the thing
if there is once for unluckiness
there should be twice
and if twice has arrived
thrice may soon follow
and so on

that's why, I choose to try out something twice
and if it didn't turn out to be as what I want
I say, forget it...

trying twice and failed, it is like you fall down as got hit by ladder
trying thrice and failed, you can add "grilled by a truck" into the equation
or something like that

but, is it pessimistic to think like that?
I still don't want to admit that it is pessimistic,
because I call it another way
trying three times is just uh... troublesome?
or you can say time consuming which is yeah... troublesome

51 - 49

2008-12-10T06:49:00.003-05:00

and so, they have the theory of 50 - 50
and I have the theory of 51 - 49

and I believe it is my best shot for making decisions
whether I might get into trouble or not
still, 51 - 49 is always what I believe

there ain't nothing such as 50 - 50
there ain't no perfect equality
there ain't no such thing as perfect at the very beginning

hmm..
how to put this into words?
yeah, nothing is equally equal in this world
the weak suffers as the strong prospers
there should more take on one side than more give
or there should be more give on one side than more take

I use this theory to support my decision making
see, I always divide myself into two entities
one pro another contra
as soon as one comes to more than 51
that one is the winner
and that one is my decision

that's why, it is not my style to flip coin

I Don't Shed Tears

2008-12-08T19:49:00.002-05:00

I had been crying for so many times
When I was young and bombastic
But, I found nothing more in crying

Indeed, people said that crying will let you sleep like a baby at the end
Help you forget about what happened
Help you dream about what is sweet
Help you throw away sadness bit by bit
But, I found nothing more in crying

So, please lemme tell ya the story of this lone wolf
The last time I cried for surviving in my sane state
was 5 years ago, when I was 16
I cried for the sake of being betrayed
I cried for I didn't know who to trust
I cried for not knowing the reason
I cried for the fact that I was weak even I tried to act tough

damn, all of these times, I tried to be the toughest of all
but I crippled because of these tears

But, thing starts to change
I come up to the point where I wake up from my dreams
and start facing reality of this sweet world
I used to say to myself:

"If I have no one to trust anymore, then the only one who I can trust is only myself"

"The fact that I didn't know the reason because I believed too much in heaven and hell; for that, I will just have to become a person who wants to know whatever reasons that caused something to happen, so that I don't have to live in this uncertainty anymore"

I rationalized myself long time ago
I don't trust my feeling anymore, and I killed it using my mind

Of course, I should admit that I have always been in pain, but tears won't be shed because I hold it and I would let the heart suffers the painful thoughts that I have. My heart does become sacrificial lamb of my mind trying to throw away all of these pains.

They said, tears ease heart from suffering, but, I won't shed tears and I would rather choose to let this tiny cute heart suffers. My heart is my pain killer. I don't want to let people see I shed tears. I don't want to let my enemies know when they can strike me.

I still remember, how I was hit even more when I started crying as a kid.
I was raised not to cry.
I was raised a warrior.
I was raised to be strong.
And for that sake, I will keep walking, I will keep struggling
without showing my pains
without showing my mercy
and without tears on my face

As he has said, "a man can only cry for one thing, the only thing; when his mother passed away"

then, what I have to do is only to save up my tears, to live up to my own expectations then his expectation on me, as a lone wolf, and as a warrior

Random

2008-12-08T19:03:00.002-05:00

Why the world around me is totally different from what I know from?
Is it because people around me is changing? Or it is because that I am changing?

When sun and moon keep on shining every single day, I wonder why more and more things that around me that I don't know about.

Why when environment and other people keep on changing every single second, I am still taking steps on the same spot, walking in circle?

With more and more knowledge, I found that the less I know about, especially people.
Have not talk to many of them for a few weeks, havn't talk to many of them for a few months and havn't talk to many of them in years.

Is it me who is changing instead of others? Or its because others are changing but not me?

Just realized that why am I kept on asking questions...?

There it goes again, wondering for the "right" path meanwhile lost in the desert of hopeless.

Hope everyone do well on their finals, and for those who are going outside the country for x'mas break, have fun, don't get too drunk.

Battle Cry for Exams

2008-12-05T17:27:00.003-05:00

Dear Father,
Here is your son, -jqL_, sitting down in the library
Trying to study but confused of WTF is going on
Anyway, please grant me courage and intelligence..... boosters
I am only asking for boosters because I know I have the courage and intelligence already
I just need to wake them up to help me study for my exams
I know my prayer is kinda weird
probably...

For the battle is waiting for me in the front line,
I won't hold back but start to remember each of the 77 definitions (Goddam' these definitions Father, HTF can I remember each definition if I don't even know WTF it means???)
and last thing before I end my prayer,
also grant my friends the same things
courage and intelligence boosters
Thank You

oh yeah,
and please let the moon keeps shining beautifully
Thank You

Everyone, let's do it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOOD LUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

after all of the exams are done,
for anyone who wants to challenge me in any kind of chess (actually int'l or chinese)
please contact me
and we can play whole day long

Superstar's Diary

2008-12-01T01:48:00.007-05:00

Note: I know this is gonna be disappointing, but this year, the superstar didn't puke.

27 November 2008 - Lonely For Day
Pretty much spending time alone. Actually more into sleep because of the freaking final exam which happened to be in the morning and in the drilling-session class (MC 1056). I actually did pretty well on the test (well, no one knows until the paper is back in your hand; you might smile, or, you might shout, or in the worst case, bang head.
I went to help Hendry (doing good karma) and I went to Hickory community
eventually, I got my birthday soup there lol

28 November 2008 -Work and Softcore Party
The starting of the era, we came to my house to enjoy ----->

the most beautiful cake ever made in this world, blackforest and cherry.
LOVELIEST
UNDENIABLE
SPEECHLESSINESS OF DELIRIOUS CAKE'S TASTE

ESPECIALLY THE CHERRY
EVERYTIME I HEARD "CHERRY"
I REMEMBERED -> OLIVIA A.K.A IPEH
SOMEONE WHO STOLE MY CHERRY
WHEN I ALMOST DONE MY CAKE
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

After that, I should become birthday potter
worked for 4 hours then headed to K-zone
Here, Frank bought me the flaming stuff (bleh! taste actually fine) (Thanks Frank!!)
and there was one stranger brought a funnel inside and said he wanted to drink with me
(thanks stranger who I have forgotten his name)
and weird, 5am in the morning, some random guy called and asked for "andrea". this is chaodongsity (according to mike, there is a new word "huja baja")
Note: I really suck at remembering people's name and face

as a good geographer I am, I don't even need sense of direction, because I believe in compass

29 November - Rocket Launching
I slept for the longest time ever today after ye's sushi with my sisters and Steven. It was beautifully quiet today and I can't wait just for 10pm. I was kinda nervous to meet all of the guys I wanna meet.
So many sweet things happened in Dooly's far as I remembered (blame those two "whatever it is" shots)
thanks for the greetings, cards, and gifts as well everyone.
I would like to deeply thank people who visited from far away
-Seputro
-Edify
-SooHoon
-what about Sky and Timo? hmm let's see, are you guys even moved???? lol

In most cards, I see
"I hope you find a girlfriend SOON!!"
"HOPE YOU FIND A GIRLFRIEND VERY SOON :)"
"Go get yourself a girlfriend la. Or I'll introduce (speechless)"
"Hope you find your Chao Dong this year!!"

T_T
so touchy
but you guys know what.....................
I want GIRLFRIEND with S = GIRLFRIENDS
GIRLFRIEND + GIRLFRIEND = GIRLFRIENDS
GIRLFRIEND x GIRLFRIEND = GIRLFRIEND TO THE POWER OF 2
But I wouldn't want SQUARE ROOT OF GIRLFRIEND TO THE POWER OF 2

kiddin'
but don't worry, let the superstar does his job, you guys sit down and watch, hahahahaha =p

So many other beautiful memories such as taking picture while offered a birthday cake (someone actually shouted "Shut up and blow the candle!!!!" because I kept talking or kept asking for more picture session?) hahahahaha

Then, we all went to Tim Horton's and I think I was drunk already there. What I remembered was when we played chess, there are two guys who argued about how many moves there should be before checkmates (hahahaha). And there was a bouncer who kept talking about stuffs that weren't even useful. and I shouted "Can you just shut up since I am playing chess?"
I might have not been able to lift up a finger to write this post
but yeah, after all, I am still writing this post

30 November 2008
I was hangover today at work
felt drunk on most times
the disorderity of stomach
can't stop laughing
and in collaboration with Mike,
we made new word

"Huja Baja"

Again, Thanks for everything everyone !!!!!
I start to feel that I'm not THAT lonely apparently, hahahahaha
then let me start my "chut thao thi 出頭天"

Changes

2008-11-28T04:32:00.002-05:00

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.: Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

Recently, I been volunteering in a community center for helping out kids in sports, and I am also in a process of sponsering a kid by giving out 30-40 a month. I am working two job, and earning atleast 500 a month, and giving out 40 is just a small amount anyways. As long as i don't step in to kzone once a month, then i should be able to afford it.
This is just a small act of kindness, but I believe it will bring great future to the society. I am already satisfy of my life, and might as well giving out to those who needs it. it could make big impact to their life, perhaps, they will value their life more and be more sucessful then us.

i always see kids driving nice car, spenting huge money for party, and don't seem to give a damn of how parents works so hard to raise them. i could be jealous of them, that's why i hate them. but after doing something good for this society, i no longer give a damn of those kids. because deep down inside, i know i am better, atleast i have a bigger heart.

i believe in random act of kindness will make a differience in this world. if u help a person, they will help the others. and just when you needed help the most, they will come back to you. so to make a differece, might as well take ur action now. and if everyone takes their action, of helping each other. perhaps, this would bring peace to our everyday life.

Superstardom and Legacy

2008-11-28T02:13:00.002-05:00

So, as everyone has noticed,
today our superstar turned 21
yes indeedbut
huahahahahahahahahahahaha
.
.
.
.
.
please just ignore me
lol

I can't believe years passed like this
too fast? or too slow?
but don't worry coz my legacy won't stop here
I will continue it until the end of breath

I also thank everyone for the birthday wishes
and I will see most of the people on Dooly's on Saturday
Thank you for once again

-jqL_

Mirror

2008-11-27T08:19:00.005-05:00

I wish I had something to write. Sorry Dre, I really want to contribute to this blog but man, I don't do anything special to write about, so I guess i'll just write something to reflect to myself, and who knows, it might even help some of you reflect.

Years keep passing by, but the only thing that has seem to change for me is the age. I look around, and all my closest friends start to carry on with their life. I feel so happy for them, but then when I look in the mirror I myself and I don't know what to feel. I wanted to become a mature person, but I think i've only been doing mature activities. The me inside is still so childish and irresponsible. For example, late bill payments, disastrous looking room, lack of ability to save money....-__-;; I really am so far from being able to be independent. And a lot of times I appreciate my parents for being so supportive of me and believing in me. But i'm never able to thank them, because i've never been able to achieve anything to make them proud. All I can do is pray that I could eventually make their investment worth it.

Well I guess I still gotta look at the bright side of things. What keeps a man standing is his will to win the fight. I'm still healthy enough, and still have enough time to achieve lots. What is most important is to keep your chin up. I know even if everything fails on me, I still got my friends who always backing me up. And that gives me strength. For all my friends who are going through struggles, know that i'm struggling with you. Strength and honor!!

like there is no tomorrow

2008-11-26T20:05:00.002-05:00

Damn this "like there is no tomorrow"
since when I started to use this line?
I used to say, "tomorrow can wait"
bleh, seems like each philosophy and lines that I made keep transforming

and there is my final exam tomorrow at 8:30AM
wtf is wrong with the schedule?
why 8:30AM everytime?
(some people never learn that jqL's mood is the worst when he wakes up)
especially, having exams everytime in MC building really drills my head off, literally
see, the thing is
construction is going on meters away from this building
How the hell can someone write exam calmfully when
there is drilling session just right beside your wall?
It is like doing exam while listening to "Satisfaction" by Benny Bennasi

Now, I understand why Indonesian word for drill is "bor"
it is because the sound of the drill just wanna borrrrrrr your head off your shoulder
borrrrr borrrrr borrrrr

anyway, today I will have no sleep
gotta cram my head at DP until exam's done
(hopefully I don't fall asleep)
Lemme start my prayer

"
Father, if You have to take my life today, please do it, since I will have nothing to say about it. But, if You don't have to take my life away today, then please help me to ace this exam, and either way, Imma study LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW
amen
"

Note: for edify that I have missed like there is no tomorrow, please make sure you literally arrive safe on Friday or else Imma ***&^#$^#^%^*$*** you like there is no tomorrow,
and I'm kiddin

cya OSHAWA guys on Friday and let's drink like there is no tomorrow

jqL-The Rock Side of Me

2008-11-25T03:52:00.003-05:00

The dumbest thing ever
is to let someone read your palm

Back in Grade 7,
I let my friend read my palm
She said
"You are going to have 3 relationships in your life"

I used up two . . .

July 2008 - I went to Toronto
We were all drunk
I went for palm reader

She said
"You are going to meet your soulmate soon enough on (bla bla bla) dates"

The thing is . . .
The rock side of me
"If you are going through hell, keep walking" - Winston Churchill

I have been fighting against fate for the longest time ever

Struggle struggle struggle

God please forgive me,
as I have done sins
amen
for once and for all,
for once I start
I probably won't know how to stop

The Talk of Immortality

2008-11-23T21:33:00.005-05:00

I see many total strangers pass by everyday
They are all busy with their daily life
There is no bond between me and these people
I think this goes the same for them as well

Funny,
I start to ask myself a question
What is this all about?

Why should we come to this world,
if we have to leave one day,
Without knowing where we head,
or what we are becoming?

Shit,
There is no perfectly fine answer to this question
even though human has existed for some time now

Sometimes, I asked myself this question

What about You grant me some immortality?
Since thinking about death is troublesome

Well,
My Friend who arts in heaven never answer
(I guess my Friend is busy)
so I guess I need to answer my own question
again......................................

I guess living forever is uncool either,
If I want to stay forever,
I would have to force myself
to see my beloved ones leaving me one by one
I don't know where they go,
Then I might even be lonelier than now
Which is troublesome
I will be drinking with a perfect strangers soon enough
The thing is, if I never leave
I might never know where they went as well
soon as they left

What if You give everyone immortality?

Isn't it too obvious?
Well, the world is too crowded already I guess

Then I guess,
I answered my question
for once again
I should leave when I should
But now, please lemme have fun first
in this mortal world

What to do...

2008-11-23T17:33:00.003-05:00

Crossroads...
Cant screw around anymore
I have to make a decision
School or Money
Many might not understand
that I do not have what they have

Feeling of guilt studying while parents are suffering,
the feeling of being useless to the family

I miss the coffee talks
I miss the perverted jokes
I miss the random laughs
I miss the drinking nights (and days & mornings)
I miss it all
I miss it all and I miss it all
I miss it all and all and all of em,
I cherish every one of em,
but it seems like I can never go back to them
It has to be my time to step up somehow and get my life straightened out

Oh trust me.. it aint that easy being a guy...
at least back then when we were together we didnt care about a thing in the world...

ireove2

2008-11-21T03:40:00.006-05:00

So many sweet things had gone by
So many sweet things had fallen apart

that's why...

those sweet things need to visit me
those sweet things need to be built up
for once again

I haven't forgotten about you
about the sweet things we had
about the sour things we had
there ain't no more truth
there ain't no more lie

they once said,
every opening should have an ending
every heart will eventually stop beating

that's why,
I would like to apologize for the last time
before I leave the scene

I'm sorry for how childish I was
I'm sorry for the way I treated you
I'm sorry for the broken promises
I'm sorry for the fact that red and blue are the eternal enemies

We can't be together
We can't be bonded

Therefore, goodbye...
let us forget the name "a . . . . . . . e"
let those characters fade

now I finally can close this story with an ending
now I finally can forget about those memories
for once and for all
if you ever have a chance to find out this site
I would like you to do the same thing
thanks

Dream

2008-11-20T18:22:00.003-05:00

well, since jql posted sth about the dream, i might as well shared a fked up one that i had the other day
i was writing my paper upon Alexander the Great and Genghis Khan for the past week
before the night that I hand the paper in i had this wierdest dream ever

1> i was somewhere that covered with snow and rocks
2> there are some random wierd people around me aka yp, od

and all of a sudden, there's one guy riding a huge horse charging at me and shout "DIE MOTHER F***ER!" followed by a bunch of wierd dudes

the thing that is freaking me out was that od was riding the horse with the leader and actually seemingly enjoying the atomsphere of hugging that leader... which i thought was Alexander

then from the disgusted feeling, i woke up around 3 am
when i go bak to sleep, i had another nightmare
this time, its yp + od + a mongolian dude....
and actually, they are all naked.... pluging in and out....

the nastiest nightmare that i ever had... its a total nightmare....

disorderity

2008-11-16T07:00:00.007-05:00

Seems like it was so much fun yesterday
I woke up at 4 in the afternoon and went to work at 6
the only good thing about working yesterday was
supposedly 170 people function, only 120 showed up
and there was another supposedly 100 people function, only 50 showed up

Then, after work (got out around 12)
went for a little drink
got home at 2.30
I thought at last I can sleep like pig
yes, indeed, i sleep for 4 hour
and now it is only 7 am and I can't sleep

the problems are:

something is definitely wrong with my dream (I thought some old men ever said that "alcoholized" people won't dream or so; I think I can still dream because I am superhero or that old man who said so is apparently wrong)
I kept drinking water for some reason (thirsty-nessity)
somehow, my left shoulder really hurt to the point that I am hoping for new transplant left arm and shoulder.

now, the annoyance because of dream, the thirsty-nessity, and disorderity of left shoulder will prevent me from saving the world today.
WTF is wrong with me?!?!?!
damn, after all, what I want is a peaceful life
blame Food Services for crippling my shoulder
bleh, lemme take a ciggie and enjoy the snow first

and wow, I keep creating new words nowadays
today's new words:
thirsty-nessity = thirstinessity
alcoholized (there can also be alcoholization)
and probably

andreasism - this is the belief where everyone should follow my style, that's the only reason why I want to become teacher when I reach my 50s, and make all of my students become like me, imagine the world with 100 new andreas one day. must be
.............................................................................
.............................................................................
.............................................................................
............................................................................
.............................................................................
.............................................................................

uh, let's leave it here.

chess

2008-11-12T04:33:00.004-05:00

let's see.....
how long has the time passed by from when I really played chess?
first, what do I really mean by "really played chess"?

see, playing chess online, I don't call it "really"
because:
1. we don't know the opponent's face, and
2. sometimes we can't really depend on internet connection
3. no table, no real chess board, no fun

problem with:
1. without knowing the opponents' face, we ain't be able to see the face expressions, whether they are being serious, and whether they are having a big conspiracy. Second, you never know if your opponent is using chess simulator or not. I would rather play with computer then...

2. what if your opponents suddenly stop moving their pieces, you never know if they are AFK or something is wrong with the internet. At the end, you might want to throw your mouse at their face. Especially, as what I have always stressed, I have no patience, that's why I don't go to casino. Without patience, I really want to avoid game like Texas hold'em.

3, I think, after 10 years playing chess, the most I want to see is the battle on the table. Playing chess isn't simply checkmating. It is the delirious feeling of beating down your opponent. Let's say you have a friend, that you might also think as your rival, eventually both of you play chess. Playing chess should be fun. Killing each other without actually hurting someone physically.

Right now, I start to bring the trend back, I would really want to enjoy my spare time playing chess with friends. This semester, I went to club day, I didn't see chess club anymore (CMIIW)
I want to open this club, but I'm still thinking though
I would like to name it "UW aeraxciaz chess club"

anyway, I'm looking for more opponents, as long as it is not "ALEX JUNIWAN" then it's okay.
The thing with Alex my friend is, no matter how many times I try to beat him, he will still kick my ass at the end of the day, not like once, but it is like SM where I am the slave
peace alex
but if you really want to challenge me still, in the name of moon, I will punish you

dawning

2008-11-09T15:20:00.004-05:00

so many things happened this semester
I still can't let go of these thoughts
instead of studying, I have been engulfed with many wars
battling others
battling myself
instead of studying, I have been fooling around with my life
I can't help remembering that
if I can finish these 4 years, then I'm set for life

so many things, so many things
here I am sitting
singing and rapping myself
writing these lyrics down
to help forgetting the mess that I've made

here I am cleaning my closet
redeeming myself
trying to calm down mind that keep asking questions
"why me? why me? why me?"
"why is it always because of you
I have to be in so much trouble?"
"is it my fate?"

if I say "if I can turn back time",
does it mean that I regretted what I've done?
one of my philosophy, no regret
is it being questioned?
why does every of my own philosophy that I've made
betrays me one by one?
they are all dawning

ireove, trust me, I can do better than this
stay with me
bear with me
lemme show you
the miracle

"in the name of moon, I will punish you" -----> what the hell does this have to do with this post?
damn, apparently, I want to get out of here ASAP as well

chaodongcitiness

2008-11-02T19:20:00.003-05:00

as what have been promised, I name this post "chaodongcitiness"
I don't even know what it really means,
Let's refer it to the "madnessity" or "chaosity"

This semester, I thought it will go smoothly as what I've planned
Plan A seems to fail me,
But my feet won't stop
I promise myself,
before my heartbeat stops, I won't stop fighting fate
I will keep struggling, until I can stand in the top ground
Again, moon please watch over me and grant me your light
(I think people might start to think I like Sailor Moon or sth,
but try to look at moon and smile, you might know what I mean)

but, that doesn't mean I am seeking for perfection
as it had been said, "perfection" is such a human disease
being perfect means can't improve further in life
whatever we have is there
being perfect means to be limited
barriers hold our capacity to expand further

(as playing game, our character reaches lvl 100, I usually stop playing -___-
yes, I like to drag and leveling when I play RPG games, but when I have leveled the characters to lvl 100 before the final battles, I usually refer to youtube for the endings)

I can't see the characters to be limited by certain barriers

I won't stop, I won't stop,
until the end of time,
before this tiny cute heart of mine stops beating,
I won't stop seeking improvement

Don't blame me for not stopping,
if I stop right now,
my enemies will be ahead of me
vengeance won't wait
it is either I execute my revenge
or they execute their nasty plans on me
and my beloved ones

"Everyday our enemies think of new ways to harm our country, and so do we"
- George W. Bush

this is the only quote of Bush that I am really agree with
this is the end of "chaodongcitiness"
for anyone who wants to explain what the word "chaodong" means,
go ahead
lol

Sudoku

2008-11-02T11:32:00.003-05:00

I'm filling in numbers from 1 to 9 in each box. There is only that one special number that can go in that box in order for me to fill out all the rest of the numbers in all the other boxes, because each row and column of boxes can only have that number once.

I've been given a few numbers scattered around the puzzle to start off with. I'm taking my time, making sure to put in the right numbers in the right box. You don't fill in the box with a number unless you are sure of it. Slowly the puzzle starts to fill with numbers, and as there are less and less empty boxes to fill out, the puzzle seems to get easier, soon it will come to an end. Everything looks set and you feel like you're on track to finish it.

Then suddenly, as you are about to fill in the next box you stumble upon a number you cannont fill in because it conflicts. Fuck, it's so stupid because a few minutes ago you were so sure that the number was supposed to go into that box before you filled it in. Now the puzzle doesn't work out no more and you got to erase everything because all the other boxes that you filled in before were all dependent of that box that you filled wrong. Now I gotta start all over again.

How could you be careless in life?

one of these days...

2008-10-31T06:21:00.003-04:00

I want to get out of here...
Get me outta this place...

so many useless bullshit drama occur 24/7 as if its live cnn
so sick of it
wanna get out
wanna get out
wanna get out
wanna get out
wanna get out

one of these days...im gon be outta here

November

2008-10-31T04:40:00.004-04:00

it is almost the month
the month where everything starts
where both cries and smiles were born
her smiles and her happiness
surrounded the tiny me

I still remember
November used to be the month
when enemies were scared
when the hatred was born deep inside them
when genius was down on the floor
when hardship was paid off

oh moon,
please stay by my side
lemme repeat the history
lemme stay as their greatest terror
lemme me show the world
what I made of

and moon,
lemme tell you what
I found the determination
it is back
just about time
I will be all out
for once again

and please lemme forget
the melody of
November's chopin

Let me howl, let me howl
because after all,
I am just a lone avenger

mixed

2008-10-30T09:37:00.003-04:00

Apparently, after several of experiments and observations done on myself
I have come to this conclusion....

If you ever have a party and have to write a test on the day after (let's say party until 3 AM and midterm at 8:30 AM) 4 hours before the exam
this might help:

Alcohol + Caffeine
for example, my favourite vodka redbull,
or the infamous beer then coffee (beer is harder option for me because of the farting session after, I don't know about you guys)

why do I say so? so many times because of these drinks, I woke up at 7 AM and won't be able to go back to sleep for a day, but feel very fresh, fully charged, like redbull in the matador
Some of my friends, which were parts of my experimental guinea pigs had also confirmed that they woke up around the same time and felt so fresh....
(I might be scientist too because I found out new stuff)

But, remember this,
some people had told me that alcohol and caffeine are the roots to cardiac arrest (def: heart attack, sakit jantung, sin ciong pe). They said you might die because of it
so, only if you think you have a strong heart and you dare to take this chance, then go ahead and drink this
otherwise, please don't sleep too late that you might not be able to wake early in the morning and do whatever you should do

I don't taunt anyone of having a weaker heart than mine (I mean I took so many risks already but good think He still let me enjoy the sight of full moon,
thank you for that my Friend)

It is like when you play dotA, you use Centaur Warchief with great vitality and keep using the Double Edge move (which minus 400 of your hp and enemy's at the same time)
For non-gamer, this means alcohol + caffeine may reduce your lifetime in this world as well
so, please check with doctor or read the article from google as well if you happen to like this mixed drink as well

thank you very much and I should go to class right now
bye bye

Dance4Life

2008-10-25T03:59:00.003-04:00

1 more month...

World AIDS Day - 1st December
Started in 1988 - now 2008, almost 20 years

and I remember the song for AIDS

Ireove

2008-10-24T22:26:00.004-04:00

"Of course this word [ireove] exists ! hahaha, I made this word *my masterpiece
The first word I created, and probably will never be written down in any dictionary..."
Posted by jql in August.

Well, guess what... ireove is now in a dictionary :)

Horror Stuff

2008-10-23T06:35:00.002-04:00

Monster in Silent Hill:Homecoming called Needler, but I have nicknamed him "C**k Head, as you can clearly see why

6:30 Am in the morning. I've just finished the movie Stay Alive that involves you trying to survive a video game. Before that, I finished watching Stephen King's The Mist, and also the English version of Mirrors. Lately, I've been having a fascination in horror. All of the horror movies I've seen have almost the same plot. There is a haunted place or some vengeful ghosts seeking revenge. Its all cliche, but hell, it keeps you on the edge of your seat. Video games with terrific horror elements get me going. Games like Resident Evil, Silent Hill, and Fatal Frame are possibly a few out of a larger variety of horror games that can captivate people. In Resident Evil, you have to survive and blast your way through the living undead. In Silent Hill, your true nightmares awaken when you're stuck in a mysterious town and have to face creatures you would have never expected, and finally, in Fatal Frame, you basically take pictures of freaky ass ghosts that randomly pop up in places. Each of these games have that one perfect horror element that keeps you playing and playing and wanting some more. It's kinda got me in this mood to write something, like a story. I mean, I've always tried to think of stuff to write but I keep getting writers block. Maybe if I listen to the right music and proceed at the correct moment, maybe I'll cook up something ingenious. Shit, it may take a while though...I have so many fragmented thoughts right now.

So, Halloween is coming up soon. I miss the good old days of trick-o-treating. Free candy was nice, but there was some ocassions where you'd get a fruit or some other pathetic thing like that. I mean come on, fruit? I got a ton of fruit at home. But the best part I think, is called Devil's Night, and I believe that is before Halloween. You go around doing mischief things I think...like throwing toilet paper in trees and throwing eggs and people's cars and shit. Heheh....

But yeah, just wanted a shout. BTW, I did not know Itachi died. **** what have I been missing??????? -_____-V. Oh, word of advice, do play Silent Hill: Homecoming at night. Trust me...it'll be a much...better experience...heh....

My Hero

2008-10-21T00:45:00.005-04:00

(To JQL

I never said Heros are stupid. I said Renji just doesnt seem to....nevermind.
Thats not the point)

I still have my hero. Back then when I was young it used to be Batman, Ultraman, Bioman, Flashman etc..

But as I grew up I found out that #1. They are Japanese...(I always thought they were korean since they spoke korean in Korea hahahaha)
#2. They are humans wearing Tights...not just any tights...Tight tights. sometimes Leather tights..

This was reality and heros did dissapear out of my life. It was the same experience for me for christmas. When I first moved here, Santa didnt bother giving me any presents, I was wondering why and then found out that Santa was racist in Canada. Jk. All these years you thought it was Santa but ended up being my parents. I would say that was a big dissapointment. Now I think about it, I thank them. It mustve been real hard to sneak in the present and place it while I was deep asleep so I wouldnt wake up. I dont need to explain anything right? enough said. That means ALOT.

So I can proudly say that my hero now is my father. Although my hero doesnt have special powers, his way of life was much more meaningful than batman's or super tighty Ultraman.

superstardom

2008-10-20T19:43:00.015-04:00

lists of childhood heroes:
1. power rangers

2. Spiderman

3. Wolverine

4. Kamen Rider RX

and many more
(not mentioning SailorMoon and Cardcaptor Sakura)

.
.
.
.

then, years passed, today superhero:

Abarai Renji

T_T
people said this hero is lame
(especially X and Secret)
used bankai every single time but still lost
I think my chosen heroes have become lamer
but it's okay since I am achieving the superstardom

KEEP HOWLING ZABIMARU !

Note: these pictures are definitely not my property, I just googled it..

trust

2008-10-19T04:08:00.005-04:00

random:

I have no intention of getting into troubles
but, many times I was dragged into troubles
why? I don't know...
if you call it fate, I say "up to you"
---------------------------------------------
I have changed
trust this too
bombastic before
now becoming ocean
---------------------------------------------
Full of fire trait before
I kept burning and burning
Now learning how to be water
silent assassination
---------------------------------------------
let the game of mind starts
I will be waiting here
sitting and thinking the next steps
my steps to victory
---------------------------------------------
parents said, don't play with fire
also don't swim too far away
then, rather than letting the game start
some might want to leave the fire and water alone
--------------------------------------------
this is a good intention of mine
yet, as I say,
some people never really understand
about the boundaries

aeraxciaz

2008-10-16T13:57:00.006-04:00

what about wondering? curiosity?
is it a good trait?
because the prosperity that humans are enjoying today are because of curiosity leading to new discoveries
or is it a bad trait?
because they say: "curiosity killed the cat"

I have always been curious ever since young
But, many times, I have to learn many things by myself too
and
many times parents put restrictions on their kids
of what they should learn and what they should not learn
same as
medias control what getting into our ears

Is it wrong if we defy our parents restrictions and learn what we are not supposed to learn?
is it wrong if we want to know more about what medias restrict us from knowing?
Should the restrictions be the barriers of learning/getting more experiences?
or I could say,
Should I blame the forbidden fruit?
Or should I question even more about why human being so curious?

Before I blame the forbidden fruit, please let me ask myself:

(A) is it because Adam and Eve had eaten the forbidden fruit
then the curiosity trait was passed down to us? I mean, is the curiosity trait came from the forbidden fruit?

or

(B) is it human's trait from the very beginning and forbidden fruit was not the cause?

Let's say A is true, then I have no more wonder, and I will stop asking
but if B is supposedly true, will I become even more a sinner because I will question more?
something like, why the forbidden fruit was placed there if it was not meant for human to eat it?
many many questions
as, should I keep following their rules for the rest of my life? or should I start walking by myself and create my own rules?

but probably I would not get the answer to this question
during my lifetime
then, because of this, should I stop questioning? since the probability of knowing about the forbidden fruit is very unlikely?

or should I keep asking? defying? striving?
anyway, too many questions, head's hurt,
damn, I just want a simple life
but I don't even understand why this mind of mine
never stop asking
and defying

and again

is it a good trait?
or is it a bad trait?

mother nature, please let me stuck in this question, so I might stop asking about other else.. thank you

I must be...

2008-10-16T03:18:00.003-04:00

I must be getting old,
When I get hungry, I worry about how Im goin' to support a family in the future rather than supporting my stomach :(

I must be getting old,
When certain things happen, I worry about the consequences. I fear karma and I fear myself. I am afraid to see myself in a puzzle of troubles. I rather read a book. :)

I must be getting old,
I pee way too many times = ="

I must be getting old,
I start to understand my parents as time passes by. I understand the big WHYs I was always curiuos about.

I must be getting old,
I miss my old friends...the good ones and the bad. I want them in my life again because life is way too short if you think about it yea? ; )

I must be getting old,
I want to share my experiences with younger ones and tell them "how back in the days used to roll..."

I must be getting old,
I do not want to do anything that will disgrace my father's name and the familys reputation.

I must be getting old...
but it feels good knowing that im aging with the people i care and love

I must be getting old...
because I sometimes get scared by the thought of losing the people around me in this journey of life... everyone has to go someday but.......I must be getting old... but not old enough...

But I really must be getting old because I just deleted couple of my posts by accident... ARGGGGGGG

surprisingly...

2008-10-15T10:18:00.003-04:00

when I checked my calendar last night:
here is what I found out

today party night,
tomorrow morning apparently midterm

T_T

thanksgiving

2008-10-14T16:36:00.002-04:00

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!!
supposedly study at home
these 4 days, drink 2 days
sick 1 day
in the need of recuperation
yesterday, drink again
and tomorrow is Asian Night at Fubar
gonna drink again

midterm today, somehow abruptly written
when checking the book, many corrects
hopefully get good mark
(Om ma ne pad me hum)
so that tomorrow drinking is a celebration
cheers for this semester!!

upgrade

2008-10-10T01:16:00.003-04:00

ireove.com is now supporting the "green" world
and soon enough, there is another blog in progress
I just have to finish my masterplan before introducing it to you guys

thank you for your supports until now,
which me and fellow writers appreciate a lot

values

2008-10-09T00:55:00.002-04:00

same thing, can't sleep
so decide to write
I wanna talk about values
what values most appreciated by me?

first, I like people with "hardworking" value,
as Thomas Alva Edison said, "99% hardworking, 1% genius"
I had done that before, in the most wonderful way
most of my friends, they look down on me when it comes to academic stuffs
I was not doing really good on academic standing
I didn't even care about going to university or college
anything was fine for me
going back to Medan or whatsoever

but, the thing was, I looked at UW for a reason
old story, but yeah...
I said "I want to be there"
I studied, coffee every night
slept at 6am, woke up at 8am everyday
and you know what, first time I got 100 on final exam
perfectly done, I thank my teacher, Mr. Sheridan
he saw it, when I was taking English class, I didn't study
but when I took his history class, he saw me, determined
then, one day, me and Arnold having supper downstair
I got a mail, I opened it, UW said "Congratulations bla bla"
I can't sleep, happiness surrounded me

"hardship is the value that one should carry in order to show the world that he is not bluffing"

next, the value of "not underestimating your enemy"
I learned it from the game, Romance of three kingdoms,
Sun Tzu said,

"if you know yourself and your enemy, then you will win. If you know yourself but not your enemy, then it is 50-50. If you know not even yourself or your enemy, lost is the outcome"

I had this experience, I started playing chess in grade 9
I joined competition, and one of my friends, he was jokingly playing with me
in a competition, and I won
he underestimated me, and I was 16 best out of at least 200 people
what you think?

that's all

wait

2008-10-07T16:13:00.004-04:00

27 minutes before next class. I'm stuck here in the library
actually there are things to do, such as assignments...
but currently too tired for that
such time is wasted
for waiting
still learning how to be patient
and I just know that patient really means "to suffer"

if to wait = to be patient
and to be patient = to suffer
then to wait = to suffer

oh, and I really do have fun in konja as well...
such an investigator (not mentioning stalker)
sitting down in corner
looking at the primary angel
if you know what I mean

so many events coming up
but I should stay focus on studying
study first then party
wait first then strike
suffer first then wasted
(still suffer)
row the boat first before swim to the shore
(or in Indonesian "berakit-rakit ke hulu, berenang-renang ke tepian")

anyway, that's all for the boredom
oh, after saying the Indonesian, I remember my favourite line
that everyone hates
"no fish, shrimp also okay"
(tak ada ikan, udang pun jadi)
they said, shrimp is more expensive than fish, but whatever, since the line is made.. why not just stick with it?
this line basically means, if plan A fails then comes plan B
never give up and keep going
til the end of breath - hopefully not because of too much smoke inside lovely lungs
(my friends described me as "a soccer player with the most passion, but no skill !!"

(for teams who had ever accepted me in the past, sorry if you guys just found it out today, I think I might be the best at cheerleading when playing, basically just shout, "we will win" but never kick the ball right on spot, well, no luck, never win gambling)
(and if the ball falls on the right spot, it is wind and the ball's in good position when arriving at my foot)
(sorry again mates)
(I've learned how to kick the ball for so long now, but just as my friends said "no skill !!")

class in 2 minutes
bye

rewind

2008-10-05T14:53:00.014-04:00

I plug in my earphones everywhere

listening to my own songs
ignoring the surroundings
one time, I opened up my iTunes
seemed to me that so many songs had disappeared
covered with curiosity, I turned on my external hd
everything is still there, waiting to be listened again

even my Linkin Park's album
three of them: Hybrid Theory, Reanimation, and Meteora. All were there.
so, I transferred them to my iTunes

damn nice!
all this time, I have forgotten about these albums
then, I plugged in my earphones
and I was forced to follow the rewinding to the past
so many memories were brought back

yeah, Linkin Park has been my most favourite band up until now starting from when they made their debut in 2000!!!

I would like to review their albums, one by one:

This album, Hybrid Theory (2000) to me, was the best of all their albums
Songs like Point of Authority, Pushing Me Away, With You, In the End, Papercut, and Cure for the Itch are this album's best songs. Other songs are wonderful as well. I guess, this album is good for releasing the pain inside minds and hearts. A lot of memories from this album. Friendships, love, and vengeance were parts of this album.

Reanimation, released 2002, has background and pictures of "gundam"??
the songs from Hybrid Theory is "reanimated" and more electronic sounds were added into them by Mr. Hahn. I listened to this album mostly when I played my PS1, the game was Legend of Legaia 1. When I bought this album, it was a cassette. Seems like time ages so fast that there is no time for heading back.

Meteora, released 1 year after Reanimation. I don't know why they used the picture of a person spraying a fragrance. The first video for "Somewhere I belong" really shows that they are crazy about Gundam. Hit the Floor, Breaking the Habit, Numb, Faint, and Lying From You were the songs that I listened the most. Apparently, near to the end of grade 10, Don't Stay made appearance to my life. This song accompanied my hard time.

These are the forgotten albums from Indonesia. All are in form of cassettes. And if you asked me how I can convert the songs from cassettes to mp3 or sth. Isn't it obvious? I don't need to convert the songs, everyone knows the name of the technology.

Anyway, these are the crazy albums of Linkin Park. Their latest album, Minutes to Midnight (2007) is tested, people said it is the declining of their rocking era. The songs have gone softer than the ones before. But I still keep some songs from this album in my pockets. Songs such as Given Up, Hands Held High, Valentine's Day, What I've Done, and In Pieces. I bought this album on the day it was released as well(15-5-2007) I thought I gotta line up at store to purchase it, but apparently I didn't need to (well, I was disappointed for no line up)

There are still many of Linkin Park's songs; the underground. But, I haven't been listening to their underground songs. Only one that I like the most, "qwerty". You guys might want to listen to this one.

Anyway, this is the review of Linkin Park's albums and songs.
I love Linkin Park, it is the band that has been with me since 2000 until now, 8 years now. Their songs walked along with me and I think their songs played some roles in building some parts of me today. I guess so..

Thank You, Linkin Park ! ! !

I would really like to put up their songs on my blog, but I guess by doing that, I will have all writers and readers faint while trying to write or read. So, I will leave it like this. Anyway, I'm going back to study.

awakening (feel my vibe)

2008-10-05T13:59:00.006-04:00

school stuffs haven't been going well lately..
parents went home today..
here I sit in the lab again..
listening to "element of life"

cramming..
aiming for perfection..
while knowing that perfection is such a disease..
that being perfect is another dead end to improvement..

stuffs haven't been going well lately
body's tired
mind's beat
too many activities

assignments are tons
exams are not waiting
now is the time
to get the logic back

awakening of mind
releasing vibes
(have to study 13x)
this week is hell
straight 4 duedates
as I have just won 649

feet please don't fail me now
let me walk this path
the path of craziness
to the destination sunshine
amen

Why So Serious

2008-10-02T14:46:00.002-04:00

Why would i be mad?
If people around me would be affected.
Why would I cry?
If all they do is to pity me.

Therefore I smile,
To hide the pain that I took,
To hide the truth that should not be told,

And........

To forget her.

I can do this alone.

Pain You Can't Fight

2008-10-02T03:03:00.003-04:00

Oh god, won't show me,
directions to the cemetary.
This storm's full of rage, and won't seem to back up off me.
Though I need to escape, I need to proceed,
It's too damn cold, my heart's in a freeze.
When you're pissed you've got fire,
In a storm? it's a tease.
Still I have mercy,
And rest in false peace.

It's so much easier to walk the path of pieces, yet so much harder to walk the path of peace. Bet some of you didn't know that.

Dogs...

2008-10-02T01:58:00.005-04:00

A puppy was brought to a small village to his new owner.
It wiggled his tail to everyone in the village. He was always happy and appreciated the fact that he was loved by the owner and the people.

He would follow the owner wherever it may be, in the rain or even in the snow. He was the happiest dog in the world.

They say Dog's lives revolve around us. It is said that even in pain, as long as we're there, nothing else mattered to them.

Time passed by and the dog aged.
As shocking as it sounds people in the village wanted to eat him now that he is fully grown.
Shocking thing is that even the owner took part of this cruel act.
He smacked his head making him uncautious.
He then threw him into a boiling pot of water.

...

But from the hot water the dog woke up.
From the shock he fought his way back out of the pot.
He then saw his owner standing there with the bat.

The dog wiggled his tail and nothing else mattered...he was happy

*Dogs are more loyal than humans. I wonder why people treat them like trash.

Think again

2008-10-02T01:23:00.004-04:00

Somewhere in this world there is a young man who lives with his mother. He carries a rare disease which holds a shape of round tumor-like bumps all over the body and face. He was only in his 20s. It was even hard to tell the gender of that young man due to the severe symptoms.

His spinal cord was out of place making him disabled to do everyday chores. As he walked with his slouched back he looked really discomforted and was in pain as he took his steps.

I do not know the name of this disease but it is very rare, and unfortuantely he has received this rare disease from his mother.
She too was suffering by the same disease. She says it hurts her more than anything to see her son inherit her rare disease.

What do we wish for in our 20s? I wish for good grades, getting rich, meeting a good girlfriend...wanting to have nice things etc.. Im sure most of people agree.

This young man had a different wish.

"I wish one day, I could carry my mother on my very own back and walk to places with my own strength"

This is a true story,
So what are you complaining about?
We tend to forget that there are people out there who are in much worse condition than us. We always think that our problem is the greatest problem in the world.
So lets think twice and appreciate what we have and let us not take anything for granted.

-X

Z

2008-09-30T09:08:00.005-04:00

if A is the beginning of life
what is Z?
is it the end of life?
or is it just before another beginning?

why sudden talk about life?
"I don't know"
"I just feel like to"

what's life?
"I think it's a game"
or
"dream"

what about death?
"I think it's pause"
or
"washroom break"

"
I used to imagine the place where everything is just so white, I stand in the middle of building,
I open up my hands and look at the bright sky
everything is blurry
but I sense
peace
happiness
and
I am alone
"

what was that image?
why had I not seen it anymore
as I am growing up?

will I see it again one day?
when Z arrives?

If I believe
Life is a game
Death is a pause
Z is not the end
but the trigger of another A

will I see and go to the place I belong?
where peace awaits?

I guess it is a big mystery
after all, as long as Z hasn't arrive
I won't know

Fighting - The Story of Lone Wolf

2008-09-27T12:22:00.006-04:00

"Why people fight?" Doom asked on his post

My thought travels back to the young day
Indeed, I should say, I was a boy with anger and rage
(I think I needed anger management before)
Good thing I was in the class full of good students
But, I was often up for a fight for fun, fame, and attentions

Until that day..... my friend told me "don't go upstairs, someone wanna beat the shit out of you!!"
I said, "who the hell said that? let's go upstairs". So, we went upstairs

The guy in front of me had more suitable fighting body and he kept talking and can't stop shouting at me. He stroke right into my pride. All his talking, it was a true to everyone, but it was a false to me. Those words weren't right but no one believed me I fought and I lost. I got hit yet I was happy (talk about youth and stupidity...)

But, I was fighting for something valuable this time. Ironically, I had never done that before. All those times before, I fought for attention and I was just a small wolf trying to lead.

During the fight, something came to my mind.

Something that said, "forget it, I am tired of this, I just want to go down"

So I forgot about it and just went downstairs in the middle of the fight. People were wandering what happened. I didn't too understand what's happening. I admitted I lost.

Good friend told me that was when I've won against myself

And I have learnt that
fight for something you value the most
stand up when you know you are right
if there is no reason to fight, don't try to find one reason
walk away as a winner, don't worry about what they say.

Oh well, that's old story about my uncool fight where I got beaten into pulp. Hope it is a good story for you to digest. And lately, I figure out that diplomacy is somewhat better than using fists.

Random Post - Fighting?

2008-09-27T01:54:00.004-04:00

Hey all, this is my first time writing in a blog. I have massive writer's block and I'm not quite sure what to write about since everyone else will be viewing this. But I guess I'll write some random stuff for the hell of it. One thought comes to mind. Fighting. I don't' know why. I was going home, riding an elevator when I thought about it. Fighting. Fighting. Fighting. Why do people fight? For fun? For defense? For reputation? To impress women? To conquer and destroy? All humans have the genetic disposition to fight. Its in our system. We have been born with the urge to fight. Why we fight is a different story. We make the decisions to initiate a fight or participate in a fight.

What pisses me off are those who find people fighting a form of entertainment. Its not funny seeing two people fight. I think its stupid. I mean those who are fighting mostly likely have their reasons, but its just plain stupid to watch fights. Its retarded. Its my opinion, so I'll say it flat.

Fight when you have to. Don't fight for the stupidest reasons. It's dumb. To risk your life or health if you know that its not going to accomplish anything. We fight because we have to or something else is influencing us...especially beer. Drunken fights are dumb because you are not thinking clearly. You will look like a complete idiot. If you're going to fight, then fight with a clear conscious.

Okay, this is my first post and I said it would be a masterpiece lol, but I'm not really under the influence. Give me some beer and then I'll write a novel lol. But again, my associate, Mr. X heheheh...has advised me to write some stuff here and I might as well. This blog is there to share ideas and some of the ideas posted here are very intresting and knowledable.

@~Doom Of Jin A.K.A Fungue~@

to JQL

2008-09-24T23:16:00.007-04:00

Smoking

I think i started smoking around grade 9-10ish due to peer pressure.
My good friend always used to tell me, a drag of smoke will turn into 1 cigs, and that will turn into a pack.
And it did, and plus I became a chain smoker.
I had many nicknames such as 'chimney' because smoke was always coming out of my mouth.
Smoking was so hard to quit,
I tried almost everything,
and so many excuses came out of it.

Nicotine patch do not work.
Just 1 puff does not work.
Social smoking does not mean you quit.
1 cig. once a week is still considered smoking.
I will quit next year, or after this pack is bull****.

It takes a real hardcore dedication to quit.
If you have no reason to quit, then don't quit...because trust me..you CAN'T.
But if you do care and respect yourself, then please do.

How did you quit SKY?

-Because I am super cool.

-I chose a special date, for example. Dec 24th was the day I became a non-smoker.

-I took it one day at a time. I never forced myself to quit, but I did tell myself this, "I can smoke whenever I want, but I will choose not to smoke today"

-By doing this, you are not FORCING yourself to quit, which makes you want to smoke even more. This is Nicotine talking, but by telling yourself as above, YOU are controlling that Nicotine craving.
-Do not believe in your friends. They will not quit for, or with you.

-Take the challenge. Why are you investing on lung cancer and other negative effects?

On a personal note:

"You look cool without the smoke in your mouth Mr.JQL!" whispers Mr.Sky.
"I dont care if other people dont quit, but i want YOU to quit" yells Mr.Sky.

-X

OMG!!

2008-09-14T18:27:00.005-04:00

It took me a long time to figure out
How to post on this blog
By The Time I figured it out
I was illiterate as a frog

Next time I'll remember to log in before I try.

Peace.

Rough 101

2008-09-13T16:56:00.004-04:00

It was an awfully busy Tuesday last week..
I got four classes which started from 8:30 - 6:20
and I also got to work after the last class
I came to work and my chef told me I gotta wash about 200 people's plates
and it's only me working that Tuesday
(Why didn't they just ask me to wipe their asses as well???)
(in my tired state, I might have said "YES PLEASE, LEMME WIPE THEM!!")
.
.
(and this is a joke, thanks)

But this post is not about work, washing dishes, or wiping someone's ass or whatsoever..
Rough 101 proudly presents the most intriguing question of the semester

"WHAT DOES ANDREAS HALIM, 20 YEARS OLD SINGLE, WANT FROM THIS SEMESTER?"

(starting from here, I am going to be serious)
- the very thing I want is self-improvement

- I want to get better grades

- improve my skills in chess (for Christopher Rijab, who currently resides in Medan, be careful the second time you meet me in viwawa.com)

- works toward "Project Prince"
(what the fuck is "Project Prince"?)
(only four people know)

- have a wonderful time with my family here in Canada (yeap, I can't wait for the "Halims" to arrive)(the only chance to say "mom, take me shopping", "pop, wanna play billiard?")
(yes, I want to beat my pop in billiard, this guy is too mysterious, I don't even know yet whether he can play billiard or not, and what if he can drink more than me?)

SEPT - DEC 2008 ==> THESE ARE THINGS I GOTTA ACCOMPLISHED !
and hopefully before the end of November 2008, I can finally have guts to shout
"Hello, Andreas Halim, 21 years old, single, nice to meet you, here I come baby world"
(and I'm serious)

-the end-

never seen how I look like when Im studying?
here is one example,
and seriously,
no comment is needed for this picture

wake

2008-09-12T01:35:00.005-04:00

Nothing to do, can't sleep, tired from work
I try to write a story
random thought
listen to this story:

born a loner
avenger middle name
fated to befriend hatred
forged one goal
.
were times forgotten only goal
were when exposed to
"lesser world"
time passed by
one mistake
worsened the state of mind
.
he stayed loner
he focused
he thought
"in what way . .
. . should be carried out?"
.
"bigger world" era
were times he forgot again
were when he faked smile
trying to understand what smile means
and how to smile
befriended happiness
yet, world disagrees
.
now back as loner
befriended moon
whispering
"when will that day arrive?"
moon didn't reply
so he waits
for the reply
for the day
.
for awakening
.
questioned
what's next?
"after it's done
I'm ready to go
somewhere far away
alone"
he said
.
deep inside he now knows
loneliness
is what he really wants
.
darkness,
welcomes him
for him only belongs
to the night
.
-the end-

X

2008-09-06T22:26:00.006-04:00

My destined path.
I've walked a long way.
But why have you led me here?
When times were hard, you left me in the dark.
You dragged by my feet through pain and sorrow.
At one point you have shown me the true meaning of loneliness.

But in my sorrow I have found inspiration.

You have equipped me.

You have given me the light.
You have given me the power of hope and dreams.
The fogged vision of the path is now crystal clear.
It seems far away,
but at least I know where I need to be headed.

This is my journey.
Everyday is a new chapter.
Every step I take prints a memory of the past.
The memories will guide me through the hard times.

I hope to see you all at the finish line.

-by X

Lasagna

2008-09-03T01:19:00.001-04:00

literally, I start to hate lasagna this day, probably because of my part time job
I came today to work, and I saw the whole load of lasagna pans
imagine how hard should I brush it?
damn
I am starting to hate these lasagna(s)

california roll

2008-09-01T12:34:00.009-04:00

next week the new semester starts
hopefully everything will go smoothly as I planned

...wrapping up the california roll...
what have I done this semester
not really much
didn't study that much and not organized
didn't work that much as well
sleep even more

what have I learned this semester
I learned quite a bit of lessons
about life
I messed up too much on almost everything I was doing
especially education
gotta do something about it
I also learned how to appreciate
instead of blaming other people for causing my misery
I should appreciate them because they made me what I am today

my hatred won over my happiness
it's time to forget it
leave the past alone
burn the evidences

thanks to Sauble beach
thanks to a friend
I realized

there are still so many lessons but I won't put it down here
otherwise people might call me philosopher later
anyway, next semester won't be the same
it's time for bringing sexyback
thank you and good bye

Happy Birthday Putro !

2008-08-27T22:11:00.017-04:00

We, the IREOVE team, wish you

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!

Wishes for you:

"wishing you have a best-est time on your birthday (if you want a party, tell us), and good luck for the present and future"
- jqL

"祝您生日快乐 lol"
- Irv

"muehehehe... Hapi Bday PUTRO!!! kapan nehh .., LOL dia ga ada fb, jadi gw ga tao !! lol"
- Timo da nemo

"Happy Birthday, Tro!!.. wishing you all the best! good luck on everything"
- Rudy & Herlina

"Happy Birthday Putro!"
- Kenneth

"Happy Birthday, Putro! Good luck on whatever you're working on."
- Ivan

"Happy Bday Putro, all the best for everything and we hope your job is treating you well.. ^^v makan" jgn lupa ya.. =p"
- Oliv & Theodore the Chipmunk

"Happy Birthday, I wish the best for everything, your work and love life especially =p"
- Tika

"Happy Bday Putro, All the best in the upcoming year!"
- Elisa