My New Era - 23

Haven't written anything for this year's birthday.

It has been a year since I mourned. I still remember how that day was like. I attended staffs party, sent my friend to airport, and then ate out with my friends on the 27th. A call at 12:00AM from my mom changed everything.

This year's birthday party, I have celebrated it with no party and alcohol, unlike previous ones since I was 19. A lot has changed; I have changed, my situation has changed, and people around me have changed. Somehow, things are different now, and before I realized it, I am already 23.

23 years of my life, I realize that I still haven't done much. Even though, should I say, I have changed a lot. I grew up in fucked-up environment where nothing is stable. People seemed to understand nothing about us, and always troubled us. I was troubled, I went to school and looked for troubles, and I caused troubles more than anything because I was exposed to troubles and drama-shits since I was infant. Because of my perspectives, I believed I was alone out there facing cruel world.

Lemme tell you something, you might not be able to understand me because you haven't lived like me, you haven't felt what I felt, and you haven't seen what I seen. I saw people dear to me being messed around by people and I couldn't do shits. I have to admit that I was and am still weak.

But, on my 23rd, I saw something clear. It was clear to me that I have done a lot to improve my life, my study, and my future. Never had I realized that I have done well at university now. Even though it is quite late since I am a fourth year, but getting 80-90s in fourth year is still better than 50-60s during first and second years I guess.

Beside my academic, I also realize that I have many friends dear to me, people whom I want to keep close to me. Something that I see, I have made and lost many friends. Some becomes enemies and some become strangers, not relevant to your life no more. I realize that the best thing I can do is to keep 'em who value me as their friends close to me.

The biggest thing I discover is that life is always hard and cruel. No matter what I do, it is never enough. As I mentioned to my friend before,
"When you are hungry, you look for food; when you are full, you become lazy. When you are poor, you look for money; when you are rich, you underestimate and become lazy. As humans become hungry after not eating for hours and full after they fill their hungers, we will never be satisfied, thus same as life."

Now, I don't want to whine anymore, ain't got time for that anymore. I am 23 now. I want to graduate, get my work permit, start working, and build my fortune. I don't want to be satisfied neither, I want to keep aiming higher and higher. As I have promised myself, I want to make myself more fortune than my old man. How can I do that if I keep whining and complaining about myself and bad luck that happens to me?

When I graduate, during convocation, if they ask me, "what do you want to do now?"
I will say with proud face, "conquer the world." If I can't prove myself and fail, then it's not the world's fault for being cruel, it is me for being weak.