Life in Toronto

Recently moved to Toronto, I haven't been able to get my life together. It sounds a bit depressing but yeah, I have been getting sick for these two weeks. The weather is to blame at first, but then I start blaming myself for not being able to take a good care of my own body as well. I haven't been eating well and getting a good rest. Life's been crazy, and lessons have been acquired everyday. I have also learnt so many new sayings.

My New Era - 23

Haven't written anything for this year's birthday.

It has been a year since I mourned. I still remember how that day was like. I attended staffs party, sent my friend to airport, and then ate out with my friends on the 27th. A call at 12:00AM from my mom changed everything.

This year's birthday party, I have celebrated it with no party and alcohol, unlike previous ones since I was 19. A lot has changed; I have changed, my situation has changed, and people around me have changed. Somehow, things are different now, and before I realized it, I am already 23.

23 years of my life, I realize that I still haven't done much. Even though, should I say, I have changed a lot. I grew up in fucked-up environment where nothing is stable. People seemed to understand nothing about us, and always troubled us. I was troubled, I went to school and looked for troubles, and I caused troubles more than anything because I was exposed to troubles and drama-shits since I was infant. Because of my perspectives, I believed I was alone out there facing cruel world.

Lemme tell you something, you might not be able to understand me because you haven't lived like me, you haven't felt what I felt, and you haven't seen what I seen. I saw people dear to me being messed around by people and I couldn't do shits. I have to admit that I was and am still weak.

But, on my 23rd, I saw something clear. It was clear to me that I have done a lot to improve my life, my study, and my future. Never had I realized that I have done well at university now. Even though it is quite late since I am a fourth year, but getting 80-90s in fourth year is still better than 50-60s during first and second years I guess.

Beside my academic, I also realize that I have many friends dear to me, people whom I want to keep close to me. Something that I see, I have made and lost many friends. Some becomes enemies and some become strangers, not relevant to your life no more. I realize that the best thing I can do is to keep 'em who value me as their friends close to me.

The biggest thing I discover is that life is always hard and cruel. No matter what I do, it is never enough. As I mentioned to my friend before,
"When you are hungry, you look for food; when you are full, you become lazy. When you are poor, you look for money; when you are rich, you underestimate and become lazy. As humans become hungry after not eating for hours and full after they fill their hungers, we will never be satisfied, thus same as life."

Now, I don't want to whine anymore, ain't got time for that anymore. I am 23 now. I want to graduate, get my work permit, start working, and build my fortune. I don't want to be satisfied neither, I want to keep aiming higher and higher. As I have promised myself, I want to make myself more fortune than my old man. How can I do that if I keep whining and complaining about myself and bad luck that happens to me?

When I graduate, during convocation, if they ask me, "what do you want to do now?"
I will say with proud face, "conquer the world." If I can't prove myself and fail, then it's not the world's fault for being cruel, it is me for being weak.

The New World Out There

"Today, I just got elected as one of the school clubs' president FML."

Well, I suppose I could say that, but I shouldn't ya know.

This is a total new thing for me, being a president of a club.

I never like to be in the spotlight for a long time now.

But, something inside me wants me to take a big role.

I mean, making decision that kinda of stuff.

It was quite confusing even when I had made my speech in front of the club's members.

I was quite holding back.

I became nervous when I stood out there and gave out speech.

Was it because there was no podium for me to lay my hands?

Or was it because I was facing the big role?

Well, I will do my best to execute what I have promised to people.

I hope it will be fun.

There is no holding back since I have the title now.

I guess I am entering a new day.

Unreached

There are so many things that I want to have

There are so many dreams that I want to fulfill

Yet, I have seen that I can't have everything, nor fulfill every dream

I saw something that I want

I thought a lot of ways to get it

I spent all my days thinking

I went into depression

I thought I would be able to fulfill my dream

Yet, everything seems to be so far away

In the end, it doesn't matter anymore

Let's leave it unreached

Sometimes, we should leave thing alone

For it to stay beautiful

That's when I walk away

Let it be, let it be

My Travel

It has been years I left home. Living abroad, I have met so many people. I have learnt a lot about life and friendships. I have learnt how to take care of myself. And I have grown up here in Canada. I was 16 years old when I first arrived in Canada. Six years now, six years now.

I have come to meet new people and lost connections with the ones from back home. I have come to build my own dreams. I have realized that I want to do something big with my life. I want to help constructing this world, building a better future for the next generation. Yeah, it is such a dream that I have.

But, somewhere along the road, I miss home. I miss everyone that I left and I miss everyone who leaves. But, my mind has to be strong, I can't stop now, I am halfway into career world. I am almost there, I am almost there. If I stop now, then everything will be in vain. I wasn't born to be in vain, I was born to save the world.

So, my travel shouldn't stop here. I have to keep travelling... One day, I will find home and that's when I will settle. But, not now, not now...