Z

if A is the beginning of life
what is Z?
is it the end of life?
or is it just before another beginning?

why sudden talk about life?
"I don't know"
"I just feel like to"

what's life?
"I think it's a game"
or
"dream"

what about death?
"I think it's pause"
or
"washroom break"

"
I used to imagine the place where everything is just so white, I stand in the middle of building,
I open up my hands and look at the bright sky
everything is blurry
but I sense
peace
happiness
and
I am alone
"

what was that image?
why had I not seen it anymore
as I am growing up?

will I see it again one day?
when Z arrives?

If I believe
Life is a game
Death is a pause
Z is not the end
but the trigger of another A

will I see and go to the place I belong?
where peace awaits?

I guess it is a big mystery
after all, as long as Z hasn't arrive
I won't know

Fighting - The Story of Lone Wolf

"Why people fight?" Doom asked on his post

My thought travels back to the young day
Indeed, I should say, I was a boy with anger and rage
(I think I needed anger management before)
Good thing I was in the class full of good students
But, I was often up for a fight for fun, fame, and attentions

Until that day..... my friend told me "don't go upstairs, someone wanna beat the shit out of you!!"
I said, "who the hell said that? let's go upstairs". So, we went upstairs

The guy in front of me had more suitable fighting body and he kept talking and can't stop shouting at me. He stroke right into my pride. All his talking, it was a true to everyone, but it was a false to me. Those words weren't right but no one believed me I fought and I lost. I got hit yet I was happy (talk about youth and stupidity...)

But, I was fighting for something valuable this time. Ironically, I had never done that before. All those times before, I fought for attention and I was just a small wolf trying to lead.

During the fight, something came to my mind.

Something that said, "forget it, I am tired of this, I just want to go down"

So I forgot about it and just went downstairs in the middle of the fight. People were wandering what happened. I didn't too understand what's happening. I admitted I lost.

Good friend told me that was when I've won against myself

And I have learnt that
fight for something you value the most
stand up when you know you are right
if there is no reason to fight, don't try to find one reason
walk away as a winner, don't worry about what they say.

Oh well, that's old story about my uncool fight where I got beaten into pulp. Hope it is a good story for you to digest. And lately, I figure out that diplomacy is somewhat better than using fists.

Random Post - Fighting?

Hey all, this is my first time writing in a blog. I have massive writer's block and I'm not quite sure what to write about since everyone else will be viewing this. But I guess I'll write some random stuff for the hell of it. One thought comes to mind. Fighting. I don't' know why. I was going home, riding an elevator when I thought about it. Fighting. Fighting. Fighting. Why do people fight? For fun? For defense? For reputation? To impress women? To conquer and destroy? All humans have the genetic disposition to fight. Its in our system. We have been born with the urge to fight. Why we fight is a different story. We make the decisions to initiate a fight or participate in a fight.

What pisses me off are those who find people fighting a form of entertainment. Its not funny seeing two people fight. I think its stupid. I mean those who are fighting mostly likely have their reasons, but its just plain stupid to watch fights. Its retarded. Its my opinion, so I'll say it flat.

Fight when you have to. Don't fight for the stupidest reasons. It's dumb. To risk your life or health if you know that its not going to accomplish anything. We fight because we have to or something else is influencing us...especially beer. Drunken fights are dumb because you are not thinking clearly. You will look like a complete idiot. If you're going to fight, then fight with a clear conscious.

Okay, this is my first post and I said it would be a masterpiece lol, but I'm not really under the influence. Give me some beer and then I'll write a novel lol. But again, my associate, Mr. X heheheh...has advised me to write some stuff here and I might as well. This blog is there to share ideas and some of the ideas posted here are very intresting and knowledable.

@~Doom Of Jin A.K.A Fungue~@

to JQL

Smoking

I think i started smoking around grade 9-10ish due to peer pressure.
My good friend always used to tell me, a drag of smoke will turn into 1 cigs, and that will turn into a pack.
And it did, and plus I became a chain smoker.
I had many nicknames such as 'chimney' because smoke was always coming out of my mouth.
Smoking was so hard to quit,
I tried almost everything,
and so many excuses came out of it.

Nicotine patch do not work.
Just 1 puff does not work.
Social smoking does not mean you quit.
1 cig. once a week is still considered smoking.
I will quit next year, or after this pack is bull****.

It takes a real hardcore dedication to quit.
If you have no reason to quit, then don't quit...because trust me..you CAN'T.
But if you do care and respect yourself, then please do.

How did you quit SKY?

-Because I am super cool.

-I chose a special date, for example. Dec 24th was the day I became a non-smoker.

-I took it one day at a time. I never forced myself to quit, but I did tell myself this, "I can smoke whenever I want, but I will choose not to smoke today"

-By doing this, you are not FORCING yourself to quit, which makes you want to smoke even more. This is Nicotine talking, but by telling yourself as above, YOU are controlling that Nicotine craving.
-Do not believe in your friends. They will not quit for, or with you.

-Take the challenge. Why are you investing on lung cancer and other negative effects?

On a personal note:

"You look cool without the smoke in your mouth Mr.JQL!" whispers Mr.Sky.
"I dont care if other people dont quit, but i want YOU to quit" yells Mr.Sky.

-X

OMG!!

It took me a long time to figure out
How to post on this blog
By The Time I figured it out
I was illiterate as a frog



Next time I'll remember to log in before I try.




Peace.

Rough 101

It was an awfully busy Tuesday last week..
I got four classes which started from 8:30 - 6:20
and I also got to work after the last class
I came to work and my chef told me I gotta wash about 200 people's plates
and it's only me working that Tuesday
(Why didn't they just ask me to wipe their asses as well???)
(in my tired state, I might have said "YES PLEASE, LEMME WIPE THEM!!")
.
.
(and this is a joke, thanks)

But this post is not about work, washing dishes, or wiping someone's ass or whatsoever..
Rough 101 proudly presents the most intriguing question of the semester

"WHAT DOES ANDREAS HALIM, 20 YEARS OLD SINGLE, WANT FROM THIS SEMESTER?"

(starting from here, I am going to be serious)
- the very thing I want is self-improvement

- I want to get better grades

- improve my skills in chess (for Christopher Rijab, who currently resides in Medan, be careful the second time you meet me in viwawa.com)

- works toward "Project Prince"
(what the fuck is "Project Prince"?)
(only four people know)

- have a wonderful time with my family here in Canada (yeap, I can't wait for the "Halims" to arrive)(the only chance to say "mom, take me shopping", "pop, wanna play billiard?")
(yes, I want to beat my pop in billiard, this guy is too mysterious, I don't even know yet whether he can play billiard or not, and what if he can drink more than me?)

SEPT - DEC 2008 ==> THESE ARE THINGS I GOTTA ACCOMPLISHED !
and hopefully before the end of November 2008, I can finally have guts to shout
"Hello, Andreas Halim, 21 years old, single, nice to meet you, here I come baby world"
(and I'm serious)

-the end-















never seen how I look like when Im studying?
here is one example,
and seriously,
no comment is needed for this picture

wake

Nothing to do, can't sleep, tired from work
I try to write a story
random thought
listen to this story:

born a loner
avenger middle name
fated to befriend hatred
forged one goal
.
were times forgotten only goal
were when exposed to
"lesser world"
time passed by
one mistake
worsened the state of mind
.
he stayed loner
he focused
he thought
"in what way . .
. . should be carried out?"
.
"bigger world" era
were times he forgot again
were when he faked smile
trying to understand what smile means
and how to smile
befriended happiness
yet, world disagrees
.
now back as loner
befriended moon
whispering
"when will that day arrive?"
moon didn't reply
so he waits
for the reply
for the day
.
for awakening
.
questioned
what's next?
"after it's done
I'm ready to go
somewhere far away
alone"
he said
.
deep inside he now knows
loneliness
is what he really wants
.
darkness,
welcomes him
for him only belongs
to the night
.
-the end-

X

My destined path.
I've walked a long way.
But why have you led me here?
When times were hard, you left me in the dark.
You dragged by my feet through pain and sorrow.
At one point you have shown me the true meaning of loneliness.

But in my sorrow I have found inspiration.

You have equipped me.

You have given me the light.
You have given me the power of hope and dreams.
The fogged vision of the path is now crystal clear.
It seems far away,
but at least I know where I need to be headed.

This is my journey.
Everyday is a new chapter.
Every step I take prints a memory of the past.
The memories will guide me through the hard times.

I hope to see you all at the finish line.

-by X

Lasagna

literally, I start to hate lasagna this day, probably because of my part time job
I came today to work, and I saw the whole load of lasagna pans
imagine how hard should I brush it?
damn
I am starting to hate these lasagna(s)

california roll

next week the new semester starts
hopefully everything will go smoothly as I planned

...wrapping up the california roll...
what have I done this semester
not really much
didn't study that much and not organized
didn't work that much as well
sleep even more

what have I learned this semester
I learned quite a bit of lessons
about life
I messed up too much on almost everything I was doing
especially education
gotta do something about it
I also learned how to appreciate
instead of blaming other people for causing my misery
I should appreciate them because they made me what I am today

my hatred won over my happiness
it's time to forget it
leave the past alone
burn the evidences

thanks to Sauble beach
thanks to a friend
I realized

there are still so many lessons but I won't put it down here
otherwise people might call me philosopher later
anyway, next semester won't be the same
it's time for bringing sexyback
thank you and good bye