Homecoming

(written on December 1st 2009)

sittin' in the coffee shop

chillin' with my iced cappucino

wanderin' inside my head

waitin' for my flight back to hometown

another homecoming, yet different

another meeting, yet different

the meeting between two worlds

the meeting between two men

it is close yet it is distant

it is distant yet it is close

never had I thought of this day

never had I prepared to meet in this way

yet fate has brought us together

on the day I treasure

the twenty-eighth of November

it is the day I was born

it is the day you walked away

it is a rainy day yet it is coloured by rainbow

this day, I will always remember

never had I said this in front of you

I hope it is not yet too late to say it now

"I love you gramp

You will always be remembered

Have a safe journey"

Your grandson

jqL

B.L.O.G

I always wonder..."why does people write a blog..?"

Most blogs that I've read are mostly complaints and something really sad... or something really emo -__-''

Why would people want to let other people to know how they feel though blog?

Instead of telling them yourself, you act as if nothing happens and then wrote everything on the blog ... which is kinda funny for me =p

...but recently, after reading Isis's blog, I get some new perspective on blogs.. I guess =p I found out that blog can be motivational too...

Maybe it's not always negative... Let's find something interesting to write, something cheerful... aspiring... fun for people to read ^__^

Instead of remembering the negative things that happens, we can always look at the bright side once in awhile...

I'm sure there's a silver lining in everything~ (hopefully there is~)

So... since Botak already added me to the list... I figured I might as well write something here =p

This will be my first blog... ever! =p

parting ways

years before, I thought it was the parting

somehow today, everything I left and buried

came back up to me

but I have no right

I got no power

I am still the same as I were

but yeah, maybe this is forever

maybe this is a real parting ways

I have nothing to say from the very beginning

I have nothing in my pocket from the very beginning

Now I've gained many things

and I am still on my way

it is all thanks to you

eventually, our meeting is one of the moments that I will always cherish

good luck

Suicide Info (Canada)

If you ever find out that you are in a big distress or in a big shit that

you start thinking about killing your fucking self...

Please, think about it again,

Please don't be shy and call either or these numbers,

It might save your life

Survivor Support Programme

(416)-595-1716

Toronto: Distress Centre

(416)-408-HELP (4357)

or go to this website, http://www.suicideinfo.ca/csp/go.aspx?tabid=86, for more numbers

NOTE: I am not the guy who will think of suicidal action

Then, I just post these numbers up thinking that it might save a life out there

WARNING: some of these numbers are not available during weekends, because I have tried to call, again, doesn't mean I am the one who wants to commit suicidal actions, okay? I just want to help those who are distressed or not satisfied with their lives

You know, you are not alone in this world

you are not the only who experience shits as well

some people experienced worse shits and they are still alive

I should put the problems that we have as a school;

when you write test, you fail if you can't answer the questions

but you can always write the test again, who said test can be only written once?

and if you still fail the tests no matter how you do

then, come out from the school

no matter if you should be dropped out

find your own way to living

make your own test

and answer them

score them

if you can't stand living under the laws other people made for you

then live by your own laws

and popularize the laws

so that others live under your laws

connection... established

I finally opened up myself

fought my own fear

and won

Somewhat relieved

now that there is no more secret

and

I think I have just found

a friend

with the same kind of feeling

Masa's Farewell

"They say, tasting sweetness everyday will make the taste itself become plain and tasteless, we need some bitterness in our life, something like truffles chocolate bitterly sweet, to make our life wonderful and colourful..." - jqL
We had so many sweet and blissful things happened during Summer 2009, the worst was yet to arrive...

HEADING NOTE: EVERYONE WHO IS MENTIONED IN THIS NOTE IS THUS A SUPERSTAR!!

CHAPTER I - 23rd August 2009 - Egg Sandwich
1:00 AM - Masa had to pick up his luggage from his house. He stayed in my apartment because it is closer to the bus station
2:00 AM - Bacon and egg before sleep (pump up calories and protein)
7:00 AM - Supposedly a wake-up time
8:00 AM - Just-in-case alarm rang
9:30 AM - We woke up and rushed to the bus station to catch a 10:30 AM bus

10:26 AM - Masa and I went in to buy an egg sandwich and Betty headed to the bus
10:29 AM - (Masa and Betty)
Tried to convince the bus driver to wait one minute
10:30 AM - (Andreas)
First bite to my sandwich, I finished paying but found no bus or person outside. As the
dust flew by my face, I had to wait 1 hour for the next bus. FML!

Note: and thus, the FML of the century, begun...

CHAPTER II - Money and Glory
CNE

1:30 PM - We met Indra and left Masa's luggage and our stuffs in Eka's place, and we departed for CNE to meet with Vinny and Charles
Cowboy

2:30 PM - Got so many bazaars and games that we could have played there, but we were short of cash and there was massive ATM machine breakdown taking place in CNE.

Note: CNE got a casino as well, you would be innocent if you come to think that we would just stand there whole day without seizing the opportunity, wouldn't you?
The problem was --------> ATM breakdown and we ain't got cash! FOL (F*Our*Life)!

6:00 PM - we went to eat near by Union Station and met a Japanese exchange student (can somebody provide me her name? I didn't quite catch it)
Nearby Union

CHAPTER III - Inglourious Losers
7:30 PM - Finished eating, we went back to CNE
9:00 PM - Charles told me that the fireworks will begin at 10PM
Fireworks for them
Casino for the other 3

10:00 PM - Missed the fireworks because Masa, Indra, and I were stuck trying our luck, yet...
10:45 PM - Our luck sucked hell! FOL!

Note: That Chinese uncle on the blackjack table was a hardcore gambler!

11:30 PM - We went home to the apt
11:45 PM - Something was missing
We lost our luck
We lost Eka's key!! FOL!!!

CHAPTER IV - 24th August 2009 - 20%
00:00 AM - We could see "constipated" expressions on one another faces. No one laughed or smiled at this point, we headed back to CNE to find the key!

No laptop, no spare key, no internet, Masa's and Indra's cellphones were dead, and I got mine 20% battery power left, and Eka was in Indonesia. FOL!

00:30 AM - I called Tika Mak and asked her to check my facebook and started finding any relevant phone number (+6281 numbers)
00:45 PM - No one posted their cellphone or anything while they are in Indonesia, except.. my infamous brother, the leader of the Hedonz, Edify Salim. I started calling Edify and I got no Eka's phone but Mando's (Mando didn't pick up, I think he should be away)

00:55 AM - Almost gave up calling, Tika and Jeff gave me the number of the strangest person in my life, Handoko (who the heck is this guy, I didn't even know). They convinced me that this guy should know Eka's phone number. Trusting my friends, I called!
1:10 AM - Handoko picked up his phone, and he knew Eka's phone number! that's what you called a HORRAY!
1:15 AM - Eka picked up his phone and he said he will talk to the management once it opens in the next morning
1:30 AM - Relieved, we went to eat some Vietnamese noddles, and went to sleep. We thought everything was solved at this point. We thought..................................................................

CHAPTER V - Cardiac Arrest
8:00 AM - Management Office didn't want to accept any confirmation from Eka unless the authorization letter was to be faxed into the office. I said they needed not to be faxed, but f***ed. FOL!
09:00 AM - Got no incense to burn, I prayed in the washroom with my favourite "incense", Belmont.
09:30 AM - Masa called the airplane company to cancel his flight since it was already evening in Indonesia, and faxing company was already closed! He redirected his plane ticket to Wednesday. FOL!
During this time, the only thing that we can do was praying for miracle. No one was able to speak a word, no one, we gave up. FOL so much that we couldn't speak anymore!

CHAPTER VI - The Lagged Happiness
10:18 AM - I got the heavenly angel text message from Eka
His saviour line,

"Tak, dah gw kirim faxnya!"


(Translation: "Tak, I have sent the fax!")


10:19 AM - After stunned for 1 minute, we didn't even remember how to laugh already, we just rushed to the f**king management office and got the authorization to enter the room!
10:45 AM - We came to agree that this incident is the biggest shit ever in our life. the biggest FOL for century!

CHAPTER VII - The Goodbye
11:30 AM - Masa, Betty, and I, we ate McDonalds before heading to the Kipling and took the airport rocket to Pearson. (Note: where was Indra? dropped dead exhausted accompanied by Ulriq)
12:30 PM - Masa's check in time for destination Calgary and we met Gracie and Richard.
Saved by the day

1:00 PM - I had a last game of Shogi with Masa but he got to board the plane so we had an unfinished game, saying the next time we play again it should be in Starbucks, in Japan....
Cheers of the century
gotta know that the thunderstorm just passed

Shogi game got interrupted by a delayed flight!

Let's meet again in the future


1: 46 PM - Masa text me

"Filght is delayed! Last days suck!"

Now, I laughed as hard as everyone else did. The laughs for the shit we have been through, and we were happily sad.
2:00 PM - I realized that my phone bill won't be light for this month, FML!

I have to end the note, because I finished my story.
I would like to give my:
Special thanks to:
Tika Basani
Jeff Jaden
Edify Salim
Indra Sulaiman
and everyone who had been involved and helped us in this incident

Godlike thank to:
Handoko (I don't know who is this, but I thank you so much for picking up my call and helped me when we were just total strangers. I wish you a good luck and I would like to meet you)

More than a godlike thank (in dota, they call it "holy shit!" thank):
Eka Lasmana - Man, I would like to let you know how my friends and I thank you so much for the deed you had done for me and my friends. I heard your motorcycle machine when I called you and I assumed you rushed as fast as you can in order to help me. Words won't be enough to express my gratitude and thank! you basically turned our FML into a joyful moment! I will see you when you are back in Canada. Man, IOU a great one!

WARNING!!

Never put passport and keys in the same pocket
you might lose the key if you do so

"They say, some people find bitterness amusing as we don't need sweetness in our life. I say, coffee without sugar and cream isn't perfect, we have to make it sweetly bitter, to make our life wonderful and colourful..." - jqL
At least, we got some memory together (blissful and sucky), are we not, my friends?

The Life of an Underdog

For my good friend,
it's been a long time before we met again
seems to me that the world that revolves around you
hasn't yet changed

Lemme tell you my story, from my point of view:
many people that I knew before
they thought of I haven't changed too
they thought I was the Andreas that they knew
either that's true or not as reality
I myself think that they are wrong

I have no longer followed the wave
I am no longer a flowing water
I have long forgotten about my old entity
I fought my way out of this

when I secluded myself
when I went into the corner of the room
where I can only see the moonlight
I thought of one thing
only one thing

"I am an underdog
no one gives me a respect though I give them
why the world isn't fair to me?"

but even so,
there was a drive inside me
I strengthened my instinct
I talked to him
the only entity inside me that usually drives me crazy

there I found my answer
"I am an underdog
people make fun of me
but I don't want to beg them to stop fooling around with me
I know I am messed up
but begging them won't stop them from making fun of me
the only thing I can do is
I should proof myself that I worth something"

ya knoe, before, I thought that after I get out from the underdog league
I will show them no mercy
I will have them know that Andreas is at the top of the world

but ya knoe,
I am a better person now
I don't follow the flow anymore
I have my own stand
I choose my own way
too
I don't think of mocking the ones who used to make fun of me
I don't even care about those stupidity anymore

So, for my good friend
get out from that league
talk to yourself
talk to your entity

we were born for a specific reason
you have to find that out
die is no longer an option
fucking, live and show the world
especially yourself
of what you are capable of

don't be afraid if they take over for once again
we had been an underdog once
if we crush them and they crush us back
we might be the second-time underdog
the underdog with more experience
and more will
to climb back up to the top =p
eventually, we start to run first
we will reach to the finish line
faster than anyone

so my friend,
face the cruel world
and show the cruel world
of what you are

eventually, the one that rules the world is the one that used to be an underdog

Runaway they say

We are people... We are mortal... We are something that the immortals envy... Yet, the immortals don't know something about us, the part where most of us try to do... To run away from problems

Most of us, majority of people, we try to run away from problems, we try not to look into the problems... Especially if we are the first persons

We run, we don't wanna be sober, we try not to be. As the matter of fact, when we are sober, we will get any substance that would make us not sober again...

But then, in some part of us, deep inside ourselves, we want to stop running, yea... We want to

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Summer Enlightement

I don't know about the weather, whether it has changed to summer or not,
But I surely know that something has changed
Somehow, I am a happier man
And I have learnt how to open myself to cherish my surroundings, for once more...

Summer time, would be the marking point of my life
I have experienced and learnt so many things
I have also come to learn that I am not everthing nor nothing

It's also thanks to every moment that I have experienced before that brought me up to this point today

Seems to me that I have talked about a lot of changes happening
But I do believe that some things would never change
My affection to moon
And
My will to climb to the top

Damn, now i'm an adult, and that is annoying
It seems like I've talked about happiness,
And as the balance, will the bad luck arrive soon??

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

6:40

(Etude Op. 10 No. 3 - Tristesse)

I start listening to Chopin's work
after playing Eternal Sonata
I start researching about him and his life
apparently, this guy is something
he is a so-called "the poet of the piano"

I don't know how to play piano
or any other instrument
but, I listen to trance and techno
and I love them

see...
I may as well understand this kind of music
as long as I feel it I guess

6:43

gayest thing ever

lots of stuff happened lately...

i've already lower my position in order to make things better...

but the reply pissed me off even more...

wut the heck does this suppose to mean...

"Go ahead, Be a jerk, Like I care at all."

wtf is that???

i've lower my position while i did nothing wrong

and now? wut the fuck is that person thinking????

i've agreed to take the option that was given to me with wut that person said before

but now, sayin that im a jerk???

if that person is gonna do that, then, i guess, i hav no choice but to take actions

i can feel my anger has boosted up again

i just cant take it anymore...

untitled

what if I say,
"for the sake of protecting the beloved ones, you sometimes should respond to hatred in order to unleash wrath to your enemies"?

Today, I went to library and borrowed the famous "the art of war". The more I read it, the more my minds come to these questions:
- What are the main reasons of wars?
- is war caused by dissatisfaction and greediness of humans?
- is war because they want more than what you have?
- how should I prevent loss from war if it has to happen?
- how to make this world peaceful?

I guess I came to answer some of the questions.
- as long as there are people who love winning and gaining more than what others have, there will be wars.
- as long as there is love, there will be hatred. Both of them are inevitably standing together, seperated only by thin line. When you love some people too much, you might as well turn into an avenger when they are hurt by others.
- to prevent wars, people offer peace to others. But, Homer had stated before, a wise man prepares for war while in peace. So, does it mean that offering your enemy a peace is actually preparing for the war in the future?

oh well, too many questions to answer, I guess I will go back to reading for now...
war and its philosophies, they are just way too sophisticated and complicated
they show me how people struggle when they are in despair and in between the seperation gate of life and death. While people struggle, they advance to the next stage of intellegence. If they can't, they die and perish away.

The art of war itself, I call it the lifesaver and deathbringer
lifesaver to the one who masters the knowledge taught by it
deathbringer to the one who doesn't possess it or master the knowledge

end of the semester...

Hell yeah, at last this semester ends
for people who still have exams
I wish good luck to all of you !!

Now is the time to slack off for awhile
time for blogging
well, even with particularly nothing in mind right

talking about academic stuff
I think that I have become a better student this semester
even though I haven't given out my best yet
slacking off sometimes
but at least now I am an average student
*basically saying my grades are tight to the classes' averages

I will definitely do better next semester
my spirit won't fail me now huh ?

somehow, I think that now I can at least relax
relax in the way that I don't need to worry about my performance
I used to worry about my grades and I ended up blaming myself

but now I can say,
"no matter how bad my grades will turn out to be from now on, I don't care"
why?
"because I know I have at least tried my best"

I guess I just don't care about the surrounding when I know I have done my best
that's just my nature
heh.............

superstar will be back tomorrow

.......... studying @DP
for the first and last exam that I have for this semester
all I need is study tonight
no zombies, no shinra armies
just study.........

and as I have promised,
superstar will be back on form tomorrow
basically saying
soccer time BIATCH !
I still can't believe liverpool 1-3 chelsea

damn, most of friends will go back home in summer
hmm...... let's see how boring this summer will be
have fun to whoever going back home
I am here taking GIS project and philosophy classes
wish me luck

battle cry - winter 2009

the final exam period is already near
I guess there is nothing wrong with me starting my battle cry today
since next week is my doomsday (2 exams, 1 presentation, and 2 big assignments due)
I only have one official final exam schedule in registrar

Father, here I am again
your son who always looks for You when he needs help
hope You don't mind
please grant me power and spirit, and walk with me along my path
I have to ace them this time, I can't slack off
I need You to show me the light
also guide all of my friends who are having exams as well
for my enemies, that's up to You
please help me to stay out from troubles during this week
as I will only be able to deal with troubles again after exams done

Thank You my Friend

now, let's start what I need to start
good luck everyone !!

after all, I still don't know what to say

I guess it is about time

---
after all, the savior is about to leave
bleh................
I thought I can keep it cool and just letta go
but somehow I feel the urge of letting the words out
--- --- ---
after all, the light is about to leave
bleh...............
goddammit..................
and somehow, I gotta close it with an ending
--- --- ---
after all, I am still helpless
but at least I have changed
into somewhat a "man"
thanks to ya
--- --- ---
after all, I hate writing in public too ya know
just that I havta spill it out
this is something that I don't want to keep forever
coz regret is not one of the words that I wanna have
--- --- ---
I guess it is about time
--- --- ---
this time I might not be able to fly to wherever it is anymore
but still at the end
I just havta run there before ya leave the scene
and shout it out
--- --- ---
"Thanks !!!"
--- --- ---
damn, this is troublesome
and forgive me of my ego
something that I can never change
--- --- ---
whether ya like it or not
whether ya hate it or not
whether ya feel disgusted or not
after all, I was born to annoy ya
---
-jqL_

wrong article

I assume this is what you get for not attending classes
But, I didn't attend class because I didn't want to or something like that
I was just too tired from flu and midterms

So, I found out that I had this assignment due tomorrow
I went through the adversity of reading two articles to choose which one I wanted
I wrote a freaking long summary for f*** sake
well, it is only one page single spaced -___-''

so, while writing, I remembered, I didn't know which article had been assigned
so I went to ACE and wrote mails for every student in my class
(I didn't mail the prof and TAs because they might think I am dumbass)

Many people replied (wow, this class has nice students)
the first two repliers wrote something like:
"You can choose any article that we have already covered up this point. And its not really a summary that you write, more like a personal reflection (likes, dislikes, etc.) - check out the mini assignment description file in the Lessons Tab."

I was like "cool"
so I finished up the assignment and went to bed
I was pumped up the next day, trusting myself in writing a really good summary
that I will get at least 4.5/5 this time.
so I went in to the class, ugh.... 30 minutes late as usual (but it is a good way for prof to remember my face I guess)
it is not because I go to class late on purpose
I have sleeping disorders sometimes, or you call that insomnia
sometimes though.........
end of the point, I handed in my assignment.

I went home, and someone replied my email, I thought..............
it wasn't a reply apparently
it was kind of a notification from my TA

"Hi,
For the mini assignment 2 it was required to discuss one of the readings assigned for either week 4 or week 5. The reading you chose was part of the first round and therefore cannot be graded for this submission. I will give you the opportunity to re-submit to me via email if you wish. Let me know what you decide to do. "

nice...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
what did she mean by letting her know what I decided to do, it didn't seem to me that I have choice not to write another summary either T_T

but after all, I know that it shouldn't be just me who wrote summary on the wrong article by then since there were 6 students replied me with almost the same content as the first quotation.

a walk to the future

seems like I had been talking and rewinding about the pasts
the past was sweet yet bitter (same thing as the bitterness in the coffee adding 1 spoon of sugar)
most of the times, everything to me had been in the form of "was"
but, after thoughts and events, now I start to see changes in me
as time passes by, I know how important is one second to me

I have started to forecast
what I want to become
what I want to achieve
not about who I was
but who I am going to be

so many ideas and thoughts also inspire me
for instance, "if one hand can't hold the weight, then I just need to use both hand"
similar to saying "if I can't see clearly of where I am heading, then I just have to concentrate more"

I am living in the present
not in the past anymore
not yet future
I start to see how many jumping stones that I still have with me right now
I can choose among those 8 ways carefully
(hint: a piece in chess that has 8 options of the next move)
one single mistake may blow off everything

now, I have to build myself
stronger and tougher
faster and more furious
I am not "that" young anymore
I now have people in back that I have to protect
and for these, I will keep strieving
struggling, repairing myself
looking forward to the future of mine

sigh......
I guess that's the price of getting older
but I just have to do it, true?
after all, I am -jqL_ the superstar
I have to become model to the new generations
(puke***)
in my name I trust

path

after playing chess for some times
I eventually come to a point where I like two pieces more than any other pieces on the board

I would ready to use other pieces as shield in order to protect these pieces
these pieces are meant to be used for either defense or offense

they are vulnerable when standing right beside each other

but they are wicked when they are on their own seperated paths

not stronger than rooks but may take rooks down easily when the rooks are misplaced

no piece can move the way they move

making them the most special pieces in chess

I want to be like these pieces

moving in the way that is hard to be interpreted

the black knight

the one who walks in the wicked path for same reason as other pieces

to checkmate the king

as I said, I always like to be second to move, which is the black piece

why do I like to move after white/red?

first, first to move is just annoying coz you havta think more

and, I just love this color 2 much

.
.

.

.

shit, time to go back to study

and one more thing ALEX JUNIWAN, you are too good in int'l chess, why don't we play a lil bit of chinese chess? I will pwn you fo syo

in one condition though, you still don't know how to play it, making you a noobie and my apprentice

neglected blog

it's been such a long time
it feels so good to be back in blogging again
argh after all, it is a very busy term
taking 4 courses and classes are always full
(I guess 3rd year classes are always attended by students)
ugh, so many assignments and midterms coming up soon enough
but before that happens I should first prepare for the upcoming disasters
which will soon lead me to neglect this blog for once again

before I neglect it for some time, I would like to leave some notes:
1. Kenny hope you get well soon
2. Happy Lunar New Year everyone! here comes the oxen generation! ox + ox = oxen (not oxs or oxox maybe oxes)

coffee time again, time to reduce smoke
and still my promise to "no alcohol" until the end of the final exams
yeah, after all... I start to see how alcohol turns me into a stupid bastard
I would rather stay sane than go bastard I guess