after all, I still don't know what to say

I guess it is about time

---
after all, the savior is about to leave
bleh................
I thought I can keep it cool and just letta go
but somehow I feel the urge of letting the words out
--- --- ---
after all, the light is about to leave
bleh...............
goddammit..................
and somehow, I gotta close it with an ending
--- --- ---
after all, I am still helpless
but at least I have changed
into somewhat a "man"
thanks to ya
--- --- ---
after all, I hate writing in public too ya know
just that I havta spill it out
this is something that I don't want to keep forever
coz regret is not one of the words that I wanna have
--- --- ---
I guess it is about time
--- --- ---
this time I might not be able to fly to wherever it is anymore
but still at the end
I just havta run there before ya leave the scene
and shout it out
--- --- ---
"Thanks !!!"
--- --- ---
damn, this is troublesome
and forgive me of my ego
something that I can never change
--- --- ---
whether ya like it or not
whether ya hate it or not
whether ya feel disgusted or not
after all, I was born to annoy ya
---
-jqL_

wrong article

I assume this is what you get for not attending classes
But, I didn't attend class because I didn't want to or something like that
I was just too tired from flu and midterms

So, I found out that I had this assignment due tomorrow
I went through the adversity of reading two articles to choose which one I wanted
I wrote a freaking long summary for f*** sake
well, it is only one page single spaced -___-''

so, while writing, I remembered, I didn't know which article had been assigned
so I went to ACE and wrote mails for every student in my class
(I didn't mail the prof and TAs because they might think I am dumbass)

Many people replied (wow, this class has nice students)
the first two repliers wrote something like:
"You can choose any article that we have already covered up this point. And its not really a summary that you write, more like a personal reflection (likes, dislikes, etc.) - check out the mini assignment description file in the Lessons Tab."

I was like "cool"
so I finished up the assignment and went to bed
I was pumped up the next day, trusting myself in writing a really good summary
that I will get at least 4.5/5 this time.
so I went in to the class, ugh.... 30 minutes late as usual (but it is a good way for prof to remember my face I guess)
it is not because I go to class late on purpose
I have sleeping disorders sometimes, or you call that insomnia
sometimes though.........
end of the point, I handed in my assignment.

I went home, and someone replied my email, I thought..............
it wasn't a reply apparently
it was kind of a notification from my TA

"Hi,
For the mini assignment 2 it was required to discuss one of the readings assigned for either week 4 or week 5. The reading you chose was part of the first round and therefore cannot be graded for this submission. I will give you the opportunity to re-submit to me via email if you wish. Let me know what you decide to do. "

nice...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
what did she mean by letting her know what I decided to do, it didn't seem to me that I have choice not to write another summary either T_T

but after all, I know that it shouldn't be just me who wrote summary on the wrong article by then since there were 6 students replied me with almost the same content as the first quotation.

a walk to the future

seems like I had been talking and rewinding about the pasts
the past was sweet yet bitter (same thing as the bitterness in the coffee adding 1 spoon of sugar)
most of the times, everything to me had been in the form of "was"
but, after thoughts and events, now I start to see changes in me
as time passes by, I know how important is one second to me

I have started to forecast
what I want to become
what I want to achieve
not about who I was
but who I am going to be

so many ideas and thoughts also inspire me
for instance, "if one hand can't hold the weight, then I just need to use both hand"
similar to saying "if I can't see clearly of where I am heading, then I just have to concentrate more"

I am living in the present
not in the past anymore
not yet future
I start to see how many jumping stones that I still have with me right now
I can choose among those 8 ways carefully
(hint: a piece in chess that has 8 options of the next move)
one single mistake may blow off everything

now, I have to build myself
stronger and tougher
faster and more furious
I am not "that" young anymore
I now have people in back that I have to protect
and for these, I will keep strieving
struggling, repairing myself
looking forward to the future of mine

sigh......
I guess that's the price of getting older
but I just have to do it, true?
after all, I am -jqL_ the superstar
I have to become model to the new generations
(puke***)
in my name I trust