after all, I still don't know what to say

I guess it is about time

---
after all, the savior is about to leave
bleh................
I thought I can keep it cool and just letta go
but somehow I feel the urge of letting the words out
--- --- ---
after all, the light is about to leave
bleh...............
goddammit..................
and somehow, I gotta close it with an ending
--- --- ---
after all, I am still helpless
but at least I have changed
into somewhat a "man"
thanks to ya
--- --- ---
after all, I hate writing in public too ya know
just that I havta spill it out
this is something that I don't want to keep forever
coz regret is not one of the words that I wanna have
--- --- ---
I guess it is about time
--- --- ---
this time I might not be able to fly to wherever it is anymore
but still at the end
I just havta run there before ya leave the scene
and shout it out
--- --- ---
"Thanks !!!"
--- --- ---
damn, this is troublesome
and forgive me of my ego
something that I can never change
--- --- ---
whether ya like it or not
whether ya hate it or not
whether ya feel disgusted or not
after all, I was born to annoy ya
---
-jqL_

wrong article

I assume this is what you get for not attending classes
But, I didn't attend class because I didn't want to or something like that
I was just too tired from flu and midterms

So, I found out that I had this assignment due tomorrow
I went through the adversity of reading two articles to choose which one I wanted
I wrote a freaking long summary for f*** sake
well, it is only one page single spaced -___-''

so, while writing, I remembered, I didn't know which article had been assigned
so I went to ACE and wrote mails for every student in my class
(I didn't mail the prof and TAs because they might think I am dumbass)

Many people replied (wow, this class has nice students)
the first two repliers wrote something like:
"You can choose any article that we have already covered up this point. And its not really a summary that you write, more like a personal reflection (likes, dislikes, etc.) - check out the mini assignment description file in the Lessons Tab."

I was like "cool"
so I finished up the assignment and went to bed
I was pumped up the next day, trusting myself in writing a really good summary
that I will get at least 4.5/5 this time.
so I went in to the class, ugh.... 30 minutes late as usual (but it is a good way for prof to remember my face I guess)
it is not because I go to class late on purpose
I have sleeping disorders sometimes, or you call that insomnia
sometimes though.........
end of the point, I handed in my assignment.

I went home, and someone replied my email, I thought..............
it wasn't a reply apparently
it was kind of a notification from my TA

"Hi,
For the mini assignment 2 it was required to discuss one of the readings assigned for either week 4 or week 5. The reading you chose was part of the first round and therefore cannot be graded for this submission. I will give you the opportunity to re-submit to me via email if you wish. Let me know what you decide to do. "

nice...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
what did she mean by letting her know what I decided to do, it didn't seem to me that I have choice not to write another summary either T_T

but after all, I know that it shouldn't be just me who wrote summary on the wrong article by then since there were 6 students replied me with almost the same content as the first quotation.

a walk to the future

seems like I had been talking and rewinding about the pasts
the past was sweet yet bitter (same thing as the bitterness in the coffee adding 1 spoon of sugar)
most of the times, everything to me had been in the form of "was"
but, after thoughts and events, now I start to see changes in me
as time passes by, I know how important is one second to me

I have started to forecast
what I want to become
what I want to achieve
not about who I was
but who I am going to be

so many ideas and thoughts also inspire me
for instance, "if one hand can't hold the weight, then I just need to use both hand"
similar to saying "if I can't see clearly of where I am heading, then I just have to concentrate more"

I am living in the present
not in the past anymore
not yet future
I start to see how many jumping stones that I still have with me right now
I can choose among those 8 ways carefully
(hint: a piece in chess that has 8 options of the next move)
one single mistake may blow off everything

now, I have to build myself
stronger and tougher
faster and more furious
I am not "that" young anymore
I now have people in back that I have to protect
and for these, I will keep strieving
struggling, repairing myself
looking forward to the future of mine

sigh......
I guess that's the price of getting older
but I just have to do it, true?
after all, I am -jqL_ the superstar
I have to become model to the new generations
(puke***)
in my name I trust

path

after playing chess for some times
I eventually come to a point where I like two pieces more than any other pieces on the board

I would ready to use other pieces as shield in order to protect these pieces
these pieces are meant to be used for either defense or offense

they are vulnerable when standing right beside each other

but they are wicked when they are on their own seperated paths

not stronger than rooks but may take rooks down easily when the rooks are misplaced

no piece can move the way they move

making them the most special pieces in chess

I want to be like these pieces

moving in the way that is hard to be interpreted

the black knight

the one who walks in the wicked path for same reason as other pieces

to checkmate the king

as I said, I always like to be second to move, which is the black piece

why do I like to move after white/red?

first, first to move is just annoying coz you havta think more

and, I just love this color 2 much

.
.

.

.

shit, time to go back to study

and one more thing ALEX JUNIWAN, you are too good in int'l chess, why don't we play a lil bit of chinese chess? I will pwn you fo syo

in one condition though, you still don't know how to play it, making you a noobie and my apprentice

neglected blog

it's been such a long time
it feels so good to be back in blogging again
argh after all, it is a very busy term
taking 4 courses and classes are always full
(I guess 3rd year classes are always attended by students)
ugh, so many assignments and midterms coming up soon enough
but before that happens I should first prepare for the upcoming disasters
which will soon lead me to neglect this blog for once again

before I neglect it for some time, I would like to leave some notes:
1. Kenny hope you get well soon
2. Happy Lunar New Year everyone! here comes the oxen generation! ox + ox = oxen (not oxs or oxox maybe oxes)

coffee time again, time to reduce smoke
and still my promise to "no alcohol" until the end of the final exams
yeah, after all... I start to see how alcohol turns me into a stupid bastard
I would rather stay sane than go bastard I guess