disorderity

Seems like it was so much fun yesterday
I woke up at 4 in the afternoon and went to work at 6
the only good thing about working yesterday was
supposedly 170 people function, only 120 showed up
and there was another supposedly 100 people function, only 50 showed up

Then, after work (got out around 12)
went for a little drink
got home at 2.30
I thought at last I can sleep like pig
yes, indeed, i sleep for 4 hour
and now it is only 7 am and I can't sleep

the problems are:

1. something is definitely wrong with my dream (I thought some old men ever said that "alcoholized" people won't dream or so; I think I can still dream because I am superhero or that old man who said so is apparently wrong)
2. I kept drinking water for some reason (thirsty-nessity)
3. somehow, my left shoulder really hurt to the point that I am hoping for new transplant left arm and shoulder.

now, the annoyance because of dream, the thirsty-nessity, and disorderity of left shoulder will prevent me from saving the world today.
WTF is wrong with me?!?!?!
damn, after all, what I want is a peaceful life
blame Food Services for crippling my shoulder
bleh, lemme take a ciggie and enjoy the snow first

and wow, I keep creating new words nowadays
today's new words:
thirsty-nessity = thirstinessity
alcoholized (there can also be alcoholization)
and probably

andreasism - this is the belief where everyone should follow my style, that's the only reason why I want to become teacher when I reach my 50s, and make all of my students become like me, imagine the world with 100 new andreas one day. must be
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uh, let's leave it here.

chess

let's see.....
how long has the time passed by from when I really played chess?
first, what do I really mean by "really played chess"?

see, playing chess online, I don't call it "really"
because:
1. we don't know the opponent's face, and
2. sometimes we can't really depend on internet connection
3. no table, no real chess board, no fun

problem with:
1. without knowing the opponents' face, we ain't be able to see the face expressions, whether they are being serious, and whether they are having a big conspiracy. Second, you never know if your opponent is using chess simulator or not. I would rather play with computer then...

2. what if your opponents suddenly stop moving their pieces, you never know if they are AFK or something is wrong with the internet. At the end, you might want to throw your mouse at their face. Especially, as what I have always stressed, I have no patience, that's why I don't go to casino. Without patience, I really want to avoid game like Texas hold'em.

3, I think, after 10 years playing chess, the most I want to see is the battle on the table. Playing chess isn't simply checkmating. It is the delirious feeling of beating down your opponent. Let's say you have a friend, that you might also think as your rival, eventually both of you play chess. Playing chess should be fun. Killing each other without actually hurting someone physically.

Right now, I start to bring the trend back, I would really want to enjoy my spare time playing chess with friends. This semester, I went to club day, I didn't see chess club anymore (CMIIW)
I want to open this club, but I'm still thinking though
I would like to name it "UW aeraxciaz chess club"

anyway, I'm looking for more opponents, as long as it is not "ALEX JUNIWAN" then it's okay.
The thing with Alex my friend is, no matter how many times I try to beat him, he will still kick my ass at the end of the day, not like once, but it is like SM where I am the slave
peace alex
but if you really want to challenge me still, in the name of moon, I will punish you

dawning

so many things happened this semester
I still can't let go of these thoughts
instead of studying, I have been engulfed with many wars
battling others
battling myself
instead of studying, I have been fooling around with my life
I can't help remembering that
if I can finish these 4 years, then I'm set for life

so many things, so many things
here I am sitting
singing and rapping myself
writing these lyrics down
to help forgetting the mess that I've made

here I am cleaning my closet
redeeming myself
trying to calm down mind that keep asking questions
"why me? why me? why me?"
"why is it always because of you
I have to be in so much trouble?"
"is it my fate?"

if I say "if I can turn back time",
does it mean that I regretted what I've done?
one of my philosophy, no regret
is it being questioned?
why does every of my own philosophy that I've made
betrays me one by one?
they are all dawning

ireove, trust me, I can do better than this
stay with me
bear with me
lemme show you
the miracle

"in the name of moon, I will punish you" -----> what the hell does this have to do with this post?
damn, apparently, I want to get out of here ASAP as well

chaodongcitiness

as what have been promised, I name this post "chaodongcitiness"
I don't even know what it really means,
Let's refer it to the "madnessity" or "chaosity"

This semester, I thought it will go smoothly as what I've planned
Plan A seems to fail me,
But my feet won't stop
I promise myself,
before my heartbeat stops, I won't stop fighting fate
I will keep struggling, until I can stand in the top ground
Again, moon please watch over me and grant me your light
(I think people might start to think I like Sailor Moon or sth,
but try to look at moon and smile, you might know what I mean)

but, that doesn't mean I am seeking for perfection
as it had been said, "perfection" is such a human disease
being perfect means can't improve further in life
whatever we have is there
being perfect means to be limited
barriers hold our capacity to expand further

(as playing game, our character reaches lvl 100, I usually stop playing -___-
yes, I like to drag and leveling when I play RPG games, but when I have leveled the characters to lvl 100 before the final battles, I usually refer to youtube for the endings)

I can't see the characters to be limited by certain barriers

I won't stop, I won't stop,
until the end of time,
before this tiny cute heart of mine stops beating,
I won't stop seeking improvement

Don't blame me for not stopping,
if I stop right now,
my enemies will be ahead of me
vengeance won't wait
it is either I execute my revenge
or they execute their nasty plans on me
and my beloved ones

"Everyday our enemies think of new ways to harm our country, and so do we"
- George W. Bush

this is the only quote of Bush that I am really agree with
this is the end of "chaodongcitiness"
for anyone who wants to explain what the word "chaodong" means,
go ahead
lol

Sudoku

I'm filling in numbers from 1 to 9 in each box. There is only that one special number that can go in that box in order for me to fill out all the rest of the numbers in all the other boxes, because each row and column of boxes can only have that number once.

I've been given a few numbers scattered around the puzzle to start off with. I'm taking my time, making sure to put in the right numbers in the right box. You don't fill in the box with a number unless you are sure of it. Slowly the puzzle starts to fill with numbers, and as there are less and less empty boxes to fill out, the puzzle seems to get easier, soon it will come to an end. Everything looks set and you feel like you're on track to finish it.

Then suddenly, as you are about to fill in the next box you stumble upon a number you cannont fill in because it conflicts. Fuck, it's so stupid because a few minutes ago you were so sure that the number was supposed to go into that box before you filled it in. Now the puzzle doesn't work out no more and you got to erase everything because all the other boxes that you filled in before were all dependent of that box that you filled wrong. Now I gotta start all over again.

How could you be careless in life?