Nothing Lasts Forever

Nothing lasts forever, that's what people say. Apparently, they made this sentence after the changing nature. In The Art of War, Sun Tzu said something similar to this sentence of mine: the day fades away after sunset, and the night follows. Seasons are involved in a cycle; spring is after winter, and summer is before fall. The wind that blows from early morning will last long but eventually will stop blowing, same case as night blowing wind. The wind will rise again after a while, same case as the day will come after sunrise, and the seasons will repeat themselves on the upcoming year. Thus, he kept mentioning that a good strategist should take this fact to his/her advantages. And yes, I am indeed still claiming myself as a strategist, studying under Sun Tzu =) (since I read his book) - Mencius ever mentioned that he is a student of Confucius even though he just study his books and thoughts without ever meeting him in person.

Thus, nothing lasts forever indeed and that includes human's lifespan. We were born and we will die one day no matter how long we have lived. Isn't it quite painful to accept this fact? Death are something that most of the people would say they are really afraid of. It is their nemesis, something that they want to skip and keep living in this world. But, would that be possible? Even a leaf will become dry and fall, and will be replaced by another leaf. Trees, no matter how long they live, eventually another tree will take their place sooner or later.

But then, during his funeral, I went to this Buddhist temple and chanted for his soul there in afterlife. And this nun was talking, she talked about life and death. She said, according to the teaching, life and death can be addressed as number one and two. One comes before two, and, she asked, what's after two? She said, there is no end to changing and there is always another chapter of life. Everything works in a cycle. Then she continued, what if you put death as number one and life as two? Death comes first and then life is afterward. I come to think about it and somehow I see a logic in it. "Maybe that's right", one day we will go back to the soil and we become part of the Earth and we become another living entity for once more.

The story doesn't end here. My mom brought me to see her nephew, who is a preacher for one sect of Buddhism. Her nephew told me about how people nowadays listen to their mind more than their heart. By heart, he means our feeling and where God lives in our body. He said that heart will eventually close itself when we don't listen to them for a long time. He told me that people try to fight pain for long time and somehow pain will turn people into people that use only their minds. He continued with his talk about life. He said that everyone that we meet and interact in our life, is everyone that we have met before in our life before this one (related to reincarnation). Parents and children meet because they owe one another. Husband and wife owes each other the most. And enemies are because a party has deeply hurt another party. So, he urged me to listen to my tiny heart, do the best in my life, and not forgetting about doing good deeds.

Talk about doing the best in my life, I remember Min/Sky lend me a book before, Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom, his favourite author. This book gives me inspiration about what I should do when I am still alive. I never know the day when I won't wake up forever. This book also teach me about what the author addressed as "the living funeral." It is a funeral for someone who is still alive but the time of death is really close. It is a special occasion where someone ill will invite his/her friends to say what they want to say before he/she passes away. This character of Mitch's book wants to know about what people think about him. Somehow, it is true to me because you probably would never know about anymore comment that people will say in front of your coffin.

So, when my grandfather was told that he won't live longer than a year by doctor before in April 2008, I chose to go back as soon as possible. I don't wanna miss a chance for not able to say whatever I haven't said before. During that moment, we met and talked everyday. I accompanied him. He told me about everything that he never told me before. We talked as adults and we shared what we had never shared. In the end, before I left back to Canada, we waved our last goodbye, he told me "ping an" and I left. I can't explain my emotion as I walked down the stairs. My steps were heavy. My breaths were the same weight as my steps. He passed away in peace last year November, on my birthday. To me, my birthday and his death are the day we met again. I went home, I didn't said anything anymore, I just knelled down praying. Apparently, I think he knows what I want to say anymore. Tuesdays with Morrie has given me such a chance to not regret what happens in my life. I just thought about our memories, good ones and bad ones.

Man, I still remember you are the first guy to ever give me a small shot glass of X.O. cognac when I was five years old. You know, when I drink that every time now, my mind led me back to our memories. I miss you.

Now, I am still walking to the future of mine. I won't stop unless my heartbeats stop. I don't want to regret so I will do my best. Apparently, my body is still young and my mind is becoming sharpen with time. I will keep my heart alive as well. Somehow, I am an adult now...