Changes

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.

Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

Recently, I been volunteering in a community center for helping out kids in sports, and I am also in a process of sponsering a kid by giving out 30-40 a month. I am working two job, and earning atleast 500 a month, and giving out 40 is just a small amount anyways. As long as i don't step in to kzone once a month, then i should be able to afford it.
This is just a small act of kindness, but I believe it will bring great future to the society. I am already satisfy of my life, and might as well giving out to those who needs it. it could make big impact to their life, perhaps, they will value their life more and be more sucessful then us.

i always see kids driving nice car, spenting huge money for party, and don't seem to give a damn of how parents works so hard to raise them. i could be jealous of them, that's why i hate them. but after doing something good for this society, i no longer give a damn of those kids. because deep down inside, i know i am better, atleast i have a bigger heart.

i believe in random act of kindness will make a differience in this world. if u help a person, they will help the others. and just when you needed help the most, they will come back to you. so to make a differece, might as well take ur action now. and if everyone takes their action, of helping each other. perhaps, this would bring peace to our everyday life.

Superstardom and Legacy

So, as everyone has noticed,
today our superstar turned 21
yes indeedbut
huahahahahahahahahahahaha
.
.
.
.
.
please just ignore me
lol

I can't believe years passed like this
too fast? or too slow?
but don't worry coz my legacy won't stop here
I will continue it until the end of breath

I also thank everyone for the birthday wishes
and I will see most of the people on Dooly's on Saturday
Thank you for once again

-jqL_

Mirror

I wish I had something to write. Sorry Dre, I really want to contribute to this blog but man, I don't do anything special to write about, so I guess i'll just write something to reflect to myself, and who knows, it might even help some of you reflect.

Years keep passing by, but the only thing that has seem to change for me is the age. I look around, and all my closest friends start to carry on with their life. I feel so happy for them, but then when I look in the mirror I myself and I don't know what to feel. I wanted to become a mature person, but I think i've only been doing mature activities. The me inside is still so childish and irresponsible. For example, late bill payments, disastrous looking room, lack of ability to save money....-__-;; I really am so far from being able to be independent. And a lot of times I appreciate my parents for being so supportive of me and believing in me. But i'm never able to thank them, because i've never been able to achieve anything to make them proud. All I can do is pray that I could eventually make their investment worth it.

Well I guess I still gotta look at the bright side of things. What keeps a man standing is his will to win the fight. I'm still healthy enough, and still have enough time to achieve lots. What is most important is to keep your chin up. I know even if everything fails on me, I still got my friends who always backing me up. And that gives me strength. For all my friends who are going through struggles, know that i'm struggling with you. Strength and honor!!

like there is no tomorrow

Damn this "like there is no tomorrow"
since when I started to use this line?
I used to say, "tomorrow can wait"
bleh, seems like each philosophy and lines that I made keep transforming

and there is my final exam tomorrow at 8:30AM
wtf is wrong with the schedule?
why 8:30AM everytime?
(some people never learn that jqL's mood is the worst when he wakes up)
especially, having exams everytime in MC building really drills my head off, literally
see, the thing is
construction is going on meters away from this building
How the hell can someone write exam calmfully when
there is drilling session just right beside your wall?
It is like doing exam while listening to "Satisfaction" by Benny Bennasi

Now, I understand why Indonesian word for drill is "bor"
it is because the sound of the drill just wanna borrrrrrr your head off your shoulder
borrrrr borrrrr borrrrr

anyway, today I will have no sleep
gotta cram my head at DP until exam's done
(hopefully I don't fall asleep)
Lemme start my prayer

"
Father, if You have to take my life today, please do it, since I will have nothing to say about it. But, if You don't have to take my life away today, then please help me to ace this exam, and either way, Imma study LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW
amen
"

Note: for edify that I have missed like there is no tomorrow, please make sure you literally arrive safe on Friday or else Imma ***&^#$^#^%^*$*** you like there is no tomorrow,
and I'm kiddin

cya OSHAWA guys on Friday and let's drink like there is no tomorrow

jqL-The Rock Side of Me

The dumbest thing ever
is to let someone read your palm

Back in Grade 7,
I let my friend read my palm
She said
"You are going to have 3 relationships in your life"

I used up two . . .

July 2008 - I went to Toronto
We were all drunk
I went for palm reader

She said
"You are going to meet your soulmate soon enough on (bla bla bla) dates"

The thing is . . .
The rock side of me
"If you are going through hell, keep walking" - Winston Churchill

I have been fighting against fate for the longest time ever

Struggle struggle struggle

God please forgive me,
as I have done sins
amen
for once and for all,
for once I start
I probably won't know how to stop

The Talk of Immortality

I see many total strangers pass by everyday
They are all busy with their daily life
There is no bond between me and these people
I think this goes the same for them as well

Funny,
I start to ask myself a question
What is this all about?

Why should we come to this world,
if we have to leave one day,
Without knowing where we head,
or what we are becoming?

Shit,
There is no perfectly fine answer to this question
even though human has existed for some time now

Sometimes, I asked myself this question

What about You grant me some immortality?
Since thinking about death is troublesome

Well,
My Friend who arts in heaven never answer
(I guess my Friend is busy)
so I guess I need to answer my own question
again......................................

I guess living forever is uncool either,
If I want to stay forever,
I would have to force myself
to see my beloved ones leaving me one by one
I don't know where they go,
Then I might even be lonelier than now
Which is troublesome
I will be drinking with a perfect strangers soon enough
The thing is, if I never leave
I might never know where they went as well
soon as they left

What if You give everyone immortality?

Isn't it too obvious?
Well, the world is too crowded already I guess

Then I guess,
I answered my question
for once again
I should leave when I should
But now, please lemme have fun first
in this mortal world

What to do...

Crossroads...
Cant screw around anymore
I have to make a decision
School or Money
Many might not understand
that I do not have what they have

Feeling of guilt studying while parents are suffering,
the feeling of being useless to the family

I miss the coffee talks
I miss the perverted jokes
I miss the random laughs
I miss the drinking nights (and days & mornings)
I miss it all
I miss it all and I miss it all
I miss it all and all and all of em,
I cherish every one of em,
but it seems like I can never go back to them
It has to be my time to step up somehow and get my life straightened out

Oh trust me.. it aint that easy being a guy...
at least back then when we were together we didnt care about a thing in the world...

ireove2

So many sweet things had gone by
So many sweet things had fallen apart

that's why...

those sweet things need to visit me
those sweet things need to be built up
for once again

I haven't forgotten about you
about the sweet things we had
about the sour things we had
there ain't no more truth
there ain't no more lie

they once said,
every opening should have an ending
every heart will eventually stop beating

that's why,
I would like to apologize for the last time
before I leave the scene

I'm sorry for how childish I was
I'm sorry for the way I treated you
I'm sorry for the broken promises
I'm sorry for the fact that red and blue are the eternal enemies

We can't be together
We can't be bonded

Therefore, goodbye...
let us forget the name "a . . . . . . . e"
let those characters fade

now I finally can close this story with an ending
now I finally can forget about those memories
for once and for all
if you ever have a chance to find out this site
I would like you to do the same thing
thanks

Dream

well, since jql posted sth about the dream, i might as well shared a fked up one that i had the other day
i was writing my paper upon Alexander the Great and Genghis Khan for the past week
before the night that I hand the paper in i had this wierdest dream ever

1> i was somewhere that covered with snow and rocks
2> there are some random wierd people around me aka yp, od

and all of a sudden, there's one guy riding a huge horse charging at me and shout "DIE MOTHER F***ER!" followed by a bunch of wierd dudes

the thing that is freaking me out was that od was riding the horse with the leader and actually seemingly enjoying the atomsphere of hugging that leader... which i thought was Alexander

then from the disgusted feeling, i woke up around 3 am
when i go bak to sleep, i had another nightmare
this time, its yp + od + a mongolian dude....
and actually, they are all naked.... pluging in and out....

the nastiest nightmare that i ever had... its a total nightmare....

disorderity

Seems like it was so much fun yesterday
I woke up at 4 in the afternoon and went to work at 6
the only good thing about working yesterday was
supposedly 170 people function, only 120 showed up
and there was another supposedly 100 people function, only 50 showed up

Then, after work (got out around 12)
went for a little drink
got home at 2.30
I thought at last I can sleep like pig
yes, indeed, i sleep for 4 hour
and now it is only 7 am and I can't sleep

the problems are:

1. something is definitely wrong with my dream (I thought some old men ever said that "alcoholized" people won't dream or so; I think I can still dream because I am superhero or that old man who said so is apparently wrong)
2. I kept drinking water for some reason (thirsty-nessity)
3. somehow, my left shoulder really hurt to the point that I am hoping for new transplant left arm and shoulder.

now, the annoyance because of dream, the thirsty-nessity, and disorderity of left shoulder will prevent me from saving the world today.
WTF is wrong with me?!?!?!
damn, after all, what I want is a peaceful life
blame Food Services for crippling my shoulder
bleh, lemme take a ciggie and enjoy the snow first

and wow, I keep creating new words nowadays
today's new words:
thirsty-nessity = thirstinessity
alcoholized (there can also be alcoholization)
and probably

andreasism - this is the belief where everyone should follow my style, that's the only reason why I want to become teacher when I reach my 50s, and make all of my students become like me, imagine the world with 100 new andreas one day. must be
.............................................................................
.............................................................................
.............................................................................
............................................................................
.............................................................................
.............................................................................

uh, let's leave it here.

chess

let's see.....
how long has the time passed by from when I really played chess?
first, what do I really mean by "really played chess"?

see, playing chess online, I don't call it "really"
because:
1. we don't know the opponent's face, and
2. sometimes we can't really depend on internet connection
3. no table, no real chess board, no fun

problem with:
1. without knowing the opponents' face, we ain't be able to see the face expressions, whether they are being serious, and whether they are having a big conspiracy. Second, you never know if your opponent is using chess simulator or not. I would rather play with computer then...

2. what if your opponents suddenly stop moving their pieces, you never know if they are AFK or something is wrong with the internet. At the end, you might want to throw your mouse at their face. Especially, as what I have always stressed, I have no patience, that's why I don't go to casino. Without patience, I really want to avoid game like Texas hold'em.

3, I think, after 10 years playing chess, the most I want to see is the battle on the table. Playing chess isn't simply checkmating. It is the delirious feeling of beating down your opponent. Let's say you have a friend, that you might also think as your rival, eventually both of you play chess. Playing chess should be fun. Killing each other without actually hurting someone physically.

Right now, I start to bring the trend back, I would really want to enjoy my spare time playing chess with friends. This semester, I went to club day, I didn't see chess club anymore (CMIIW)
I want to open this club, but I'm still thinking though
I would like to name it "UW aeraxciaz chess club"

anyway, I'm looking for more opponents, as long as it is not "ALEX JUNIWAN" then it's okay.
The thing with Alex my friend is, no matter how many times I try to beat him, he will still kick my ass at the end of the day, not like once, but it is like SM where I am the slave
peace alex
but if you really want to challenge me still, in the name of moon, I will punish you

dawning

so many things happened this semester
I still can't let go of these thoughts
instead of studying, I have been engulfed with many wars
battling others
battling myself
instead of studying, I have been fooling around with my life
I can't help remembering that
if I can finish these 4 years, then I'm set for life

so many things, so many things
here I am sitting
singing and rapping myself
writing these lyrics down
to help forgetting the mess that I've made

here I am cleaning my closet
redeeming myself
trying to calm down mind that keep asking questions
"why me? why me? why me?"
"why is it always because of you
I have to be in so much trouble?"
"is it my fate?"

if I say "if I can turn back time",
does it mean that I regretted what I've done?
one of my philosophy, no regret
is it being questioned?
why does every of my own philosophy that I've made
betrays me one by one?
they are all dawning

ireove, trust me, I can do better than this
stay with me
bear with me
lemme show you
the miracle

"in the name of moon, I will punish you" -----> what the hell does this have to do with this post?
damn, apparently, I want to get out of here ASAP as well

chaodongcitiness

as what have been promised, I name this post "chaodongcitiness"
I don't even know what it really means,
Let's refer it to the "madnessity" or "chaosity"

This semester, I thought it will go smoothly as what I've planned
Plan A seems to fail me,
But my feet won't stop
I promise myself,
before my heartbeat stops, I won't stop fighting fate
I will keep struggling, until I can stand in the top ground
Again, moon please watch over me and grant me your light
(I think people might start to think I like Sailor Moon or sth,
but try to look at moon and smile, you might know what I mean)

but, that doesn't mean I am seeking for perfection
as it had been said, "perfection" is such a human disease
being perfect means can't improve further in life
whatever we have is there
being perfect means to be limited
barriers hold our capacity to expand further

(as playing game, our character reaches lvl 100, I usually stop playing -___-
yes, I like to drag and leveling when I play RPG games, but when I have leveled the characters to lvl 100 before the final battles, I usually refer to youtube for the endings)

I can't see the characters to be limited by certain barriers

I won't stop, I won't stop,
until the end of time,
before this tiny cute heart of mine stops beating,
I won't stop seeking improvement

Don't blame me for not stopping,
if I stop right now,
my enemies will be ahead of me
vengeance won't wait
it is either I execute my revenge
or they execute their nasty plans on me
and my beloved ones

"Everyday our enemies think of new ways to harm our country, and so do we"
- George W. Bush

this is the only quote of Bush that I am really agree with
this is the end of "chaodongcitiness"
for anyone who wants to explain what the word "chaodong" means,
go ahead
lol

Sudoku

I'm filling in numbers from 1 to 9 in each box. There is only that one special number that can go in that box in order for me to fill out all the rest of the numbers in all the other boxes, because each row and column of boxes can only have that number once.

I've been given a few numbers scattered around the puzzle to start off with. I'm taking my time, making sure to put in the right numbers in the right box. You don't fill in the box with a number unless you are sure of it. Slowly the puzzle starts to fill with numbers, and as there are less and less empty boxes to fill out, the puzzle seems to get easier, soon it will come to an end. Everything looks set and you feel like you're on track to finish it.

Then suddenly, as you are about to fill in the next box you stumble upon a number you cannont fill in because it conflicts. Fuck, it's so stupid because a few minutes ago you were so sure that the number was supposed to go into that box before you filled it in. Now the puzzle doesn't work out no more and you got to erase everything because all the other boxes that you filled in before were all dependent of that box that you filled wrong. Now I gotta start all over again.

How could you be careless in life?