I Don't Shed Tears

I had been crying for so many times
When I was young and bombastic
But, I found nothing more in crying

Indeed, people said that crying will let you sleep like a baby at the end
Help you forget about what happened
Help you dream about what is sweet
Help you throw away sadness bit by bit
But, I found nothing more in crying

So, please lemme tell ya the story of this lone wolf
The last time I cried for surviving in my sane state
was 5 years ago, when I was 16
I cried for the sake of being betrayed
I cried for I didn't know who to trust
I cried for not knowing the reason
I cried for the fact that I was weak even I tried to act tough

damn, all of these times, I tried to be the toughest of all
but I crippled because of these tears

But, thing starts to change
I come up to the point where I wake up from my dreams
and start facing reality of this sweet world
I used to say to myself:

"If I have no one to trust anymore, then the only one who I can trust is only myself"

"The fact that I didn't know the reason because I believed too much in heaven and hell; for that, I will just have to become a person who wants to know whatever reasons that caused something to happen, so that I don't have to live in this uncertainty anymore"

I rationalized myself long time ago
I don't trust my feeling anymore, and I killed it using my mind

Of course, I should admit that I have always been in pain, but tears won't be shed because I hold it and I would let the heart suffers the painful thoughts that I have. My heart does become sacrificial lamb of my mind trying to throw away all of these pains.

They said, tears ease heart from suffering, but, I won't shed tears and I would rather choose to let this tiny cute heart suffers. My heart is my pain killer. I don't want to let people see I shed tears. I don't want to let my enemies know when they can strike me.

I still remember, how I was hit even more when I started crying as a kid.
I was raised not to cry.
I was raised a warrior.
I was raised to be strong.
And for that sake, I will keep walking, I will keep struggling
without showing my pains
without showing my mercy
and without tears on my face

As he has said, "a man can only cry for one thing, the only thing; when his mother passed away"

then, what I have to do is only to save up my tears, to live up to my own expectations then his expectation on me, as a lone wolf, and as a warrior