Lessons from December

I guess it is my time to become "student" of life again
I had always thought that I am able to solve problems easily
but eventually, I had come to a very critical point where my mind wasn't able to work properly
when many problems came to me at the same time, I was lost, and without knowing what to do, I wandered around looking for answers. It felt like I was walking in a maze with my eyes blinded.

I had always thought that I am the "teacher"
because I had always been helping people with my suggestions
I might be "teacher", but only to others, not to myself
when I had all of these problems, I was lost
I thought I was strong,
but I found out that I am just as weak as everyone else
I thought I was fearless,
but I have just proved myself wrong

I met with so many people this month, I didn't ask for advices, but it seemed like all of the advices eventually came into my ears and my mind. I came to realize that I am still weak. I realized that I was a crab who was trying to teach his children of how to walk straight.

One of my friends said, I have always been there for my friends, but I haven't been there for myself. I guess he made a point there. Indeed, I start to realize that I have to spend more time thinking of how I should advance in life.

Whatever I had built has all become pieces, nothing left, leaving me in despair.
but, after today's conversation with a friend, I come to realize that my "building" was built from when I first entered high school in Canada, and now the building is all ruined.

but, I know, what I can do now is only one thing, to reconstruct, to renew, and to repair
everything, every pieces of my building... I won't only rebuild that building, but I will also make it stronger, and I will keep adding stories until it reaches heaven

Next year will be different
at least I have come to learn more of my weaknesses
I will learn how to be stronger
and fearless