Flashback - 2 Days to 2009

2008 almost at the end of its life
it will be talked in past tense soon enough
48 hours to its death
I will soon remember this year
as the year where everything crumbled

I know people must have been tired listening to what I said
same shits every single time
this collapsed that collapsed
what didn't collapse?
I guess only my head is still on the top of my body
which is good enough

after all, I haven't been engulfed by guiltiness for such a long time ever since that day
yeah, perhaps, 2008 is not my era if I look back
but if I can change and become better in 2009
then 2008 is my era

what the hell?!?!
so is it my era or not?!?!
we'll see I guess

now, I truly understand that I shouldn't let time passes by me without me doing anything
I eventually learned how important time is
my mom used to say "we only live once"
I gotta live my life to the fullest
I gotta do my things like there is no tomorrow
also thanks to a friend
now I finally understood

Out of Time - RIP Barrington Cockett - I Apologize and I Thank You, Safe Trip My Friend

I have been thinking about this
I have been thinking about time
I have been thinking about promise
I have been thinking whether I should do whatever I can today or I can leave it for tomorrow

I thought time can wait
tomorrow can wait
I thought I can relax
doing things one by one

but, something has just proven me wrong
I am totally wrong about how I manage my time
time is the most valuable thing in this world
we can buy everything in this world but not time

I regret I didn't visit you, Barrington
I forgot every time after I said I will visit you
I was dumb, I didn't know how to value our friendship
I know there is no point of saying this right now since you are not here anymore
and I know that I should blame myself instead of blaming time

I can't forgive myself of what I've done
I regret I have broken the promises

I still remember how we used to work together in the lab
trying to finish the assignments for GEOG 355 and 455
after all, you are in my memories
just that I didn't really value this before
I was fooling around with my life

Starting from now on, to value our friendship
I want to repair myself
I will keep my words
There is no more "whatever, tomorrow can wait"

Thanks for being my friend, thanks for teaching me how to live
thanks for everything
I am glad that I have known you
even it is only for 2 semesters we are in the same class and work together
goodbye Barrington
rest in peace
safe trip to His side

What a wonderful world

I saw a woman fall today on the road. She slipped due to the severe conditions of icy roads. People from left, and right jumped out of nowhere to help out this lady.
This world still holds beautiful people with beautiful hearts.

Lessons from December

I guess it is my time to become "student" of life again
I had always thought that I am able to solve problems easily
but eventually, I had come to a very critical point where my mind wasn't able to work properly
when many problems came to me at the same time, I was lost, and without knowing what to do, I wandered around looking for answers. It felt like I was walking in a maze with my eyes blinded.

I had always thought that I am the "teacher"
because I had always been helping people with my suggestions
I might be "teacher", but only to others, not to myself
when I had all of these problems, I was lost
I thought I was strong,
but I found out that I am just as weak as everyone else
I thought I was fearless,
but I have just proved myself wrong

I met with so many people this month, I didn't ask for advices, but it seemed like all of the advices eventually came into my ears and my mind. I came to realize that I am still weak. I realized that I was a crab who was trying to teach his children of how to walk straight.

One of my friends said, I have always been there for my friends, but I haven't been there for myself. I guess he made a point there. Indeed, I start to realize that I have to spend more time thinking of how I should advance in life.

Whatever I had built has all become pieces, nothing left, leaving me in despair.
but, after today's conversation with a friend, I come to realize that my "building" was built from when I first entered high school in Canada, and now the building is all ruined.

but, I know, what I can do now is only one thing, to reconstruct, to renew, and to repair
everything, every pieces of my building... I won't only rebuild that building, but I will also make it stronger, and I will keep adding stories until it reaches heaven

Next year will be different
at least I have come to learn more of my weaknesses
I will learn how to be stronger
and fearless

some people never understand

man, I really love this sentence
after working as a part-time porter

See, the thing is
today I went to work and I felt same things about working there nowadays
I am mad because everything is being spilled to me
I work harder than everyone else even though I am just a part-time worker

probably I shouldn't use "I" for this time, it should be "we"
lone wolf is trying to use "we" hahahaha

It was fun working there before even though we finished around 2 or 3 in the morning
It seems to me that we were working so happily even though we were tired at the end of the day
but things changed
now there are so many shits going on that place
I think we almost lost the whole motivation
something is just holding us behind from working there happily

I learn one more thing today
I see most of the people there don't understand what is the meaning of having two hands
see, we are the perfect human
we are not disabled and we can work and we can do almost everything that we want
most of the people there they slack off, they have too much reasons for not working as hard as we are
"oh, my back hurts" for example

damn, these people probably mistaken us as a superhuman who needs no rest

• if I were batman, yeah, I can go working afternoon and save people at night (quote: Hendry)
• or if anyone of us were, uh, mr. spidy, anyone of us would have used the ability of shooting web to clean the plates or stuffs, but yeah, they would just have to clean the spider web before they can use it
• or if Mike was Kamen Rider, then he would be able to put back the stuffs using his motors
• or if Frank was Goku, then he can turn the whole garbage into ashes upstairs with his kamehame without taking it downstair
• or something like that

(back to reality)
lemme ask you a question, how much you would want even only one hand when you have no hand? how much you wanna use that hand to do something?
see, all of these people who are blessed with two hands when they were born, are not grateful enough and they are slacking off, finding reasons to avoid work

my elders used to tell me "it takes half year before you can eat 1 rice"
so, do you expect to eat a freaking bowl of rice when you just sit down and wait for the rice to grow?
This ain't no Egypt back then in the Bible, it seems to me that those people are waiting for the food to be sent from the sky down to earth

I come to this sentence today
"the only thing that perfect human lack of is ... hope"
disabled, they always have a big hope that they will become useful oneday
but I don't see that in most of the perfect human
ironically, when we are perfect, most of us tend to rot and stop developing, there is lack will

as a closure,
some people never understand
I hope that I won't be like them when I am in their age
I have my own values, so I will let them keep their values
since I think most of the values of them are piles of garbage in front of my eyes

before my exam

boredom
yes, it is boredom

frank is sitting beside me
he is playing sudoku on a website
i am on my plain blog post
i don't really know what to write

1 hour to the exam
i saw the wrong time
i thought it is 7 pm
but it is 7.30 pm

good thing though
coz if the exam was yesterday
then i would have missed 3 finals in total
6 exams including the midterms
good thing luck was on my side every time i missed exams

120 multiple choice questions my prof said
you know what i hate the most?
multiple choice, my friends
i always do bad in questions like this

damn, what if i fail elpe again?
it will be the 4th time as well

anyway, this semester is just not my style
not my days
boredom

in my memories

When I took a look at my hometown friends' pictures
the pictures they took together around these days
I took a deep breath and sighing

I felt something is missing
I felt someone is missing
apparently, I am the one who is missing
I felt like I am not there anymore
I am in somewhere else instead
I felt like...

"stranger"

have I started to miss those old days?
when we were all still younger than now and still a no-brainer?

time passes so fast that I lost track of what is happening with all of you guys
funny, in every reunion, what we talked about always about how we were back in high school

it seems to me that our time stops there
it doesn't move on to this stage of life
is it because we rarely meet?

I guess it is
because our most beautiful memories are from high school
when we ran away from class, hid in another class
when we didn't attend morning class, we were having our breakfast
when we had big time arguments with teachers
and when we pulled pranks on one another

it was fun, indeed, yeah...
but what to say, we all have our ways now
we walk our own paths
and hopefully, one day, we will cross path for once again
as friends

apparently, we are all still "that" young every time we meet
just that we don't mess around with our life anymore
haha

Times

How many times you should keep trying something to see whether it works or not?
me, two...
there is once
there is twice
but there is no such thing as thrice

because unluckiness doesn't come once only
it may repeat as many times it wants to
that's the thing
if there is once for unluckiness
there should be twice
and if twice has arrived
thrice may soon follow
and so on

that's why, I choose to try out something twice
and if it didn't turn out to be as what I want
I say, forget it...

trying twice and failed, it is like you fall down as got hit by ladder
trying thrice and failed, you can add "grilled by a truck" into the equation
or something like that

but, is it pessimistic to think like that?
I still don't want to admit that it is pessimistic,
because I call it another way
trying three times is just uh... troublesome?
or you can say time consuming which is yeah... troublesome

51 - 49

and so, they have the theory of 50 - 50
and I have the theory of 51 - 49

and I believe it is my best shot for making decisions
whether I might get into trouble or not
still, 51 - 49 is always what I believe

there ain't nothing such as 50 - 50
there ain't no perfect equality
there ain't no such thing as perfect at the very beginning

hmm..
how to put this into words?
yeah, nothing is equally equal in this world
the weak suffers as the strong prospers
there should more take on one side than more give
or there should be more give on one side than more take

I use this theory to support my decision making
see, I always divide myself into two entities
one pro another contra
as soon as one comes to more than 51
that one is the winner
and that one is my decision

that's why, it is not my style to flip coin

I Don't Shed Tears

I had been crying for so many times
When I was young and bombastic
But, I found nothing more in crying

Indeed, people said that crying will let you sleep like a baby at the end
Help you forget about what happened
Help you dream about what is sweet
Help you throw away sadness bit by bit
But, I found nothing more in crying

So, please lemme tell ya the story of this lone wolf
The last time I cried for surviving in my sane state
was 5 years ago, when I was 16
I cried for the sake of being betrayed
I cried for I didn't know who to trust
I cried for not knowing the reason
I cried for the fact that I was weak even I tried to act tough

damn, all of these times, I tried to be the toughest of all
but I crippled because of these tears

But, thing starts to change
I come up to the point where I wake up from my dreams
and start facing reality of this sweet world
I used to say to myself:

"If I have no one to trust anymore, then the only one who I can trust is only myself"

"The fact that I didn't know the reason because I believed too much in heaven and hell; for that, I will just have to become a person who wants to know whatever reasons that caused something to happen, so that I don't have to live in this uncertainty anymore"

I rationalized myself long time ago
I don't trust my feeling anymore, and I killed it using my mind

Of course, I should admit that I have always been in pain, but tears won't be shed because I hold it and I would let the heart suffers the painful thoughts that I have. My heart does become sacrificial lamb of my mind trying to throw away all of these pains.

They said, tears ease heart from suffering, but, I won't shed tears and I would rather choose to let this tiny cute heart suffers. My heart is my pain killer. I don't want to let people see I shed tears. I don't want to let my enemies know when they can strike me.

I still remember, how I was hit even more when I started crying as a kid.
I was raised not to cry.
I was raised a warrior.
I was raised to be strong.
And for that sake, I will keep walking, I will keep struggling
without showing my pains
without showing my mercy
and without tears on my face

As he has said, "a man can only cry for one thing, the only thing; when his mother passed away"

then, what I have to do is only to save up my tears, to live up to my own expectations then his expectation on me, as a lone wolf, and as a warrior

Random

Why the world around me is totally different from what I know from?
Is it because people around me is changing? Or it is because that I am changing?

When sun and moon keep on shining every single day, I wonder why more and more things that around me that I don't know about.

Why when environment and other people keep on changing every single second, I am still taking steps on the same spot, walking in circle?

With more and more knowledge, I found that the less I know about, especially people.
Have not talk to many of them for a few weeks, havn't talk to many of them for a few months and havn't talk to many of them in years.

Is it me who is changing instead of others? Or its because others are changing but not me?

Just realized that why am I kept on asking questions...?

There it goes again, wondering for the "right" path meanwhile lost in the desert of hopeless.

Hope everyone do well on their finals, and for those who are going outside the country for x'mas break, have fun, don't get too drunk.

Battle Cry for Exams

Dear Father,
Here is your son, -jqL_, sitting down in the library
Trying to study but confused of WTF is going on
Anyway, please grant me courage and intelligence..... boosters
I am only asking for boosters because I know I have the courage and intelligence already
I just need to wake them up to help me study for my exams
I know my prayer is kinda weird
probably...

For the battle is waiting for me in the front line,
I won't hold back but start to remember each of the 77 definitions (Goddam' these definitions Father, HTF can I remember each definition if I don't even know WTF it means???)
and last thing before I end my prayer,
also grant my friends the same things
courage and intelligence boosters
Thank You

oh yeah,
and please let the moon keeps shining beautifully
Thank You

Everyone, let's do it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOOD LUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

after all of the exams are done,
for anyone who wants to challenge me in any kind of chess (actually int'l or chinese)
please contact me
and we can play whole day long

Superstar's Diary

Note: I know this is gonna be disappointing, but this year, the superstar didn't puke.

27 November 2008 - Lonely For Day
Pretty much spending time alone. Actually more into sleep because of the freaking final exam which happened to be in the morning and in the drilling-session class (MC 1056). I actually did pretty well on the test (well, no one knows until the paper is back in your hand; you might smile, or, you might shout, or in the worst case, bang head.
I went to help Hendry (doing good karma) and I went to Hickory community
eventually, I got my birthday soup there lol

28 November 2008 -Work and Softcore Party
The starting of the era, we came to my house to enjoy ----->

the most beautiful cake ever made in this world, blackforest and cherry.
LOVELIEST
UNDENIABLE
SPEECHLESSINESS OF DELIRIOUS CAKE'S TASTE

ESPECIALLY THE CHERRY
EVERYTIME I HEARD "CHERRY"
I REMEMBERED -> OLIVIA A.K.A IPEH
SOMEONE WHO STOLE MY CHERRY
WHEN I ALMOST DONE MY CAKE
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

After that, I should become birthday potter
worked for 4 hours then headed to K-zone
Here, Frank bought me the flaming stuff (bleh! taste actually fine) (Thanks Frank!!)
and there was one stranger brought a funnel inside and said he wanted to drink with me
(thanks stranger who I have forgotten his name)
and weird, 5am in the morning, some random guy called and asked for "andrea". this is chaodongsity (according to mike, there is a new word "huja baja")
Note: I really suck at remembering people's name and face

as a good geographer I am, I don't even need sense of direction, because I believe in compass

29 November - Rocket Launching
I slept for the longest time ever today after ye's sushi with my sisters and Steven. It was beautifully quiet today and I can't wait just for 10pm. I was kinda nervous to meet all of the guys I wanna meet.
So many sweet things happened in Dooly's far as I remembered (blame those two "whatever it is" shots)
thanks for the greetings, cards, and gifts as well everyone.
I would like to deeply thank people who visited from far away
-Seputro
-Edify
-SooHoon
-what about Sky and Timo? hmm let's see, are you guys even moved???? lol

In most cards, I see
"I hope you find a girlfriend SOON!!"
"HOPE YOU FIND A GIRLFRIEND VERY SOON :)"
"Go get yourself a girlfriend la. Or I'll introduce (speechless)"
"Hope you find your Chao Dong this year!!"

T_T
so touchy
but you guys know what.....................
I want GIRLFRIEND with S = GIRLFRIENDS
GIRLFRIEND + GIRLFRIEND = GIRLFRIENDS
GIRLFRIEND x GIRLFRIEND = GIRLFRIEND TO THE POWER OF 2
But I wouldn't want SQUARE ROOT OF GIRLFRIEND TO THE POWER OF 2

kiddin'
but don't worry, let the superstar does his job, you guys sit down and watch, hahahahaha =p

So many other beautiful memories such as taking picture while offered a birthday cake (someone actually shouted "Shut up and blow the candle!!!!" because I kept talking or kept asking for more picture session?) hahahahaha

Then, we all went to Tim Horton's and I think I was drunk already there. What I remembered was when we played chess, there are two guys who argued about how many moves there should be before checkmates (hahahaha). And there was a bouncer who kept talking about stuffs that weren't even useful. and I shouted "Can you just shut up since I am playing chess?"
I might have not been able to lift up a finger to write this post
but yeah, after all, I am still writing this post

30 November 2008
I was hangover today at work
felt drunk on most times
the disorderity of stomach
can't stop laughing
and in collaboration with Mike,
we made new word

"Huja Baja"

Again, Thanks for everything everyone !!!!!
I start to feel that I'm not THAT lonely apparently, hahahahaha
then let me start my "chut thao thi 出頭天"

Changes

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.

Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

Recently, I been volunteering in a community center for helping out kids in sports, and I am also in a process of sponsering a kid by giving out 30-40 a month. I am working two job, and earning atleast 500 a month, and giving out 40 is just a small amount anyways. As long as i don't step in to kzone once a month, then i should be able to afford it.
This is just a small act of kindness, but I believe it will bring great future to the society. I am already satisfy of my life, and might as well giving out to those who needs it. it could make big impact to their life, perhaps, they will value their life more and be more sucessful then us.

i always see kids driving nice car, spenting huge money for party, and don't seem to give a damn of how parents works so hard to raise them. i could be jealous of them, that's why i hate them. but after doing something good for this society, i no longer give a damn of those kids. because deep down inside, i know i am better, atleast i have a bigger heart.

i believe in random act of kindness will make a differience in this world. if u help a person, they will help the others. and just when you needed help the most, they will come back to you. so to make a differece, might as well take ur action now. and if everyone takes their action, of helping each other. perhaps, this would bring peace to our everyday life.

Superstardom and Legacy

So, as everyone has noticed,
today our superstar turned 21
yes indeedbut
huahahahahahahahahahahaha
.
.
.
.
.
please just ignore me
lol

I can't believe years passed like this
too fast? or too slow?
but don't worry coz my legacy won't stop here
I will continue it until the end of breath

I also thank everyone for the birthday wishes
and I will see most of the people on Dooly's on Saturday
Thank you for once again

-jqL_

Mirror

I wish I had something to write. Sorry Dre, I really want to contribute to this blog but man, I don't do anything special to write about, so I guess i'll just write something to reflect to myself, and who knows, it might even help some of you reflect.

Years keep passing by, but the only thing that has seem to change for me is the age. I look around, and all my closest friends start to carry on with their life. I feel so happy for them, but then when I look in the mirror I myself and I don't know what to feel. I wanted to become a mature person, but I think i've only been doing mature activities. The me inside is still so childish and irresponsible. For example, late bill payments, disastrous looking room, lack of ability to save money....-__-;; I really am so far from being able to be independent. And a lot of times I appreciate my parents for being so supportive of me and believing in me. But i'm never able to thank them, because i've never been able to achieve anything to make them proud. All I can do is pray that I could eventually make their investment worth it.

Well I guess I still gotta look at the bright side of things. What keeps a man standing is his will to win the fight. I'm still healthy enough, and still have enough time to achieve lots. What is most important is to keep your chin up. I know even if everything fails on me, I still got my friends who always backing me up. And that gives me strength. For all my friends who are going through struggles, know that i'm struggling with you. Strength and honor!!

like there is no tomorrow

Damn this "like there is no tomorrow"
since when I started to use this line?
I used to say, "tomorrow can wait"
bleh, seems like each philosophy and lines that I made keep transforming

and there is my final exam tomorrow at 8:30AM
wtf is wrong with the schedule?
why 8:30AM everytime?
(some people never learn that jqL's mood is the worst when he wakes up)
especially, having exams everytime in MC building really drills my head off, literally
see, the thing is
construction is going on meters away from this building
How the hell can someone write exam calmfully when
there is drilling session just right beside your wall?
It is like doing exam while listening to "Satisfaction" by Benny Bennasi

Now, I understand why Indonesian word for drill is "bor"
it is because the sound of the drill just wanna borrrrrrr your head off your shoulder
borrrrr borrrrr borrrrr

anyway, today I will have no sleep
gotta cram my head at DP until exam's done
(hopefully I don't fall asleep)
Lemme start my prayer

"
Father, if You have to take my life today, please do it, since I will have nothing to say about it. But, if You don't have to take my life away today, then please help me to ace this exam, and either way, Imma study LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW
amen
"

Note: for edify that I have missed like there is no tomorrow, please make sure you literally arrive safe on Friday or else Imma ***&^#$^#^%^*$*** you like there is no tomorrow,
and I'm kiddin

cya OSHAWA guys on Friday and let's drink like there is no tomorrow

jqL-The Rock Side of Me

The dumbest thing ever
is to let someone read your palm

Back in Grade 7,
I let my friend read my palm
She said
"You are going to have 3 relationships in your life"

I used up two . . .

July 2008 - I went to Toronto
We were all drunk
I went for palm reader

She said
"You are going to meet your soulmate soon enough on (bla bla bla) dates"

The thing is . . .
The rock side of me
"If you are going through hell, keep walking" - Winston Churchill

I have been fighting against fate for the longest time ever

Struggle struggle struggle

God please forgive me,
as I have done sins
amen
for once and for all,
for once I start
I probably won't know how to stop

The Talk of Immortality

I see many total strangers pass by everyday
They are all busy with their daily life
There is no bond between me and these people
I think this goes the same for them as well

Funny,
I start to ask myself a question
What is this all about?

Why should we come to this world,
if we have to leave one day,
Without knowing where we head,
or what we are becoming?

Shit,
There is no perfectly fine answer to this question
even though human has existed for some time now

Sometimes, I asked myself this question

What about You grant me some immortality?
Since thinking about death is troublesome

Well,
My Friend who arts in heaven never answer
(I guess my Friend is busy)
so I guess I need to answer my own question
again......................................

I guess living forever is uncool either,
If I want to stay forever,
I would have to force myself
to see my beloved ones leaving me one by one
I don't know where they go,
Then I might even be lonelier than now
Which is troublesome
I will be drinking with a perfect strangers soon enough
The thing is, if I never leave
I might never know where they went as well
soon as they left

What if You give everyone immortality?

Isn't it too obvious?
Well, the world is too crowded already I guess

Then I guess,
I answered my question
for once again
I should leave when I should
But now, please lemme have fun first
in this mortal world

What to do...

Crossroads...
Cant screw around anymore
I have to make a decision
School or Money
Many might not understand
that I do not have what they have

Feeling of guilt studying while parents are suffering,
the feeling of being useless to the family

I miss the coffee talks
I miss the perverted jokes
I miss the random laughs
I miss the drinking nights (and days & mornings)
I miss it all
I miss it all and I miss it all
I miss it all and all and all of em,
I cherish every one of em,
but it seems like I can never go back to them
It has to be my time to step up somehow and get my life straightened out

Oh trust me.. it aint that easy being a guy...
at least back then when we were together we didnt care about a thing in the world...

ireove2

So many sweet things had gone by
So many sweet things had fallen apart

that's why...

those sweet things need to visit me
those sweet things need to be built up
for once again

I haven't forgotten about you
about the sweet things we had
about the sour things we had
there ain't no more truth
there ain't no more lie

they once said,
every opening should have an ending
every heart will eventually stop beating

that's why,
I would like to apologize for the last time
before I leave the scene

I'm sorry for how childish I was
I'm sorry for the way I treated you
I'm sorry for the broken promises
I'm sorry for the fact that red and blue are the eternal enemies

We can't be together
We can't be bonded

Therefore, goodbye...
let us forget the name "a . . . . . . . e"
let those characters fade

now I finally can close this story with an ending
now I finally can forget about those memories
for once and for all
if you ever have a chance to find out this site
I would like you to do the same thing
thanks

Dream

well, since jql posted sth about the dream, i might as well shared a fked up one that i had the other day
i was writing my paper upon Alexander the Great and Genghis Khan for the past week
before the night that I hand the paper in i had this wierdest dream ever

1> i was somewhere that covered with snow and rocks
2> there are some random wierd people around me aka yp, od

and all of a sudden, there's one guy riding a huge horse charging at me and shout "DIE MOTHER F***ER!" followed by a bunch of wierd dudes

the thing that is freaking me out was that od was riding the horse with the leader and actually seemingly enjoying the atomsphere of hugging that leader... which i thought was Alexander

then from the disgusted feeling, i woke up around 3 am
when i go bak to sleep, i had another nightmare
this time, its yp + od + a mongolian dude....
and actually, they are all naked.... pluging in and out....

the nastiest nightmare that i ever had... its a total nightmare....

disorderity

Seems like it was so much fun yesterday
I woke up at 4 in the afternoon and went to work at 6
the only good thing about working yesterday was
supposedly 170 people function, only 120 showed up
and there was another supposedly 100 people function, only 50 showed up

Then, after work (got out around 12)
went for a little drink
got home at 2.30
I thought at last I can sleep like pig
yes, indeed, i sleep for 4 hour
and now it is only 7 am and I can't sleep

the problems are:

1. something is definitely wrong with my dream (I thought some old men ever said that "alcoholized" people won't dream or so; I think I can still dream because I am superhero or that old man who said so is apparently wrong)
2. I kept drinking water for some reason (thirsty-nessity)
3. somehow, my left shoulder really hurt to the point that I am hoping for new transplant left arm and shoulder.

now, the annoyance because of dream, the thirsty-nessity, and disorderity of left shoulder will prevent me from saving the world today.
WTF is wrong with me?!?!?!
damn, after all, what I want is a peaceful life
blame Food Services for crippling my shoulder
bleh, lemme take a ciggie and enjoy the snow first

and wow, I keep creating new words nowadays
today's new words:
thirsty-nessity = thirstinessity
alcoholized (there can also be alcoholization)
and probably

andreasism - this is the belief where everyone should follow my style, that's the only reason why I want to become teacher when I reach my 50s, and make all of my students become like me, imagine the world with 100 new andreas one day. must be
.............................................................................
.............................................................................
.............................................................................
............................................................................
.............................................................................
.............................................................................

uh, let's leave it here.

chess

let's see.....
how long has the time passed by from when I really played chess?
first, what do I really mean by "really played chess"?

see, playing chess online, I don't call it "really"
because:
1. we don't know the opponent's face, and
2. sometimes we can't really depend on internet connection
3. no table, no real chess board, no fun

problem with:
1. without knowing the opponents' face, we ain't be able to see the face expressions, whether they are being serious, and whether they are having a big conspiracy. Second, you never know if your opponent is using chess simulator or not. I would rather play with computer then...

2. what if your opponents suddenly stop moving their pieces, you never know if they are AFK or something is wrong with the internet. At the end, you might want to throw your mouse at their face. Especially, as what I have always stressed, I have no patience, that's why I don't go to casino. Without patience, I really want to avoid game like Texas hold'em.

3, I think, after 10 years playing chess, the most I want to see is the battle on the table. Playing chess isn't simply checkmating. It is the delirious feeling of beating down your opponent. Let's say you have a friend, that you might also think as your rival, eventually both of you play chess. Playing chess should be fun. Killing each other without actually hurting someone physically.

Right now, I start to bring the trend back, I would really want to enjoy my spare time playing chess with friends. This semester, I went to club day, I didn't see chess club anymore (CMIIW)
I want to open this club, but I'm still thinking though
I would like to name it "UW aeraxciaz chess club"

anyway, I'm looking for more opponents, as long as it is not "ALEX JUNIWAN" then it's okay.
The thing with Alex my friend is, no matter how many times I try to beat him, he will still kick my ass at the end of the day, not like once, but it is like SM where I am the slave
peace alex
but if you really want to challenge me still, in the name of moon, I will punish you

dawning

so many things happened this semester
I still can't let go of these thoughts
instead of studying, I have been engulfed with many wars
battling others
battling myself
instead of studying, I have been fooling around with my life
I can't help remembering that
if I can finish these 4 years, then I'm set for life

so many things, so many things
here I am sitting
singing and rapping myself
writing these lyrics down
to help forgetting the mess that I've made

here I am cleaning my closet
redeeming myself
trying to calm down mind that keep asking questions
"why me? why me? why me?"
"why is it always because of you
I have to be in so much trouble?"
"is it my fate?"

if I say "if I can turn back time",
does it mean that I regretted what I've done?
one of my philosophy, no regret
is it being questioned?
why does every of my own philosophy that I've made
betrays me one by one?
they are all dawning

ireove, trust me, I can do better than this
stay with me
bear with me
lemme show you
the miracle

"in the name of moon, I will punish you" -----> what the hell does this have to do with this post?
damn, apparently, I want to get out of here ASAP as well

chaodongcitiness

as what have been promised, I name this post "chaodongcitiness"
I don't even know what it really means,
Let's refer it to the "madnessity" or "chaosity"

This semester, I thought it will go smoothly as what I've planned
Plan A seems to fail me,
But my feet won't stop
I promise myself,
before my heartbeat stops, I won't stop fighting fate
I will keep struggling, until I can stand in the top ground
Again, moon please watch over me and grant me your light
(I think people might start to think I like Sailor Moon or sth,
but try to look at moon and smile, you might know what I mean)

but, that doesn't mean I am seeking for perfection
as it had been said, "perfection" is such a human disease
being perfect means can't improve further in life
whatever we have is there
being perfect means to be limited
barriers hold our capacity to expand further

(as playing game, our character reaches lvl 100, I usually stop playing -___-
yes, I like to drag and leveling when I play RPG games, but when I have leveled the characters to lvl 100 before the final battles, I usually refer to youtube for the endings)

I can't see the characters to be limited by certain barriers

I won't stop, I won't stop,
until the end of time,
before this tiny cute heart of mine stops beating,
I won't stop seeking improvement

Don't blame me for not stopping,
if I stop right now,
my enemies will be ahead of me
vengeance won't wait
it is either I execute my revenge
or they execute their nasty plans on me
and my beloved ones

"Everyday our enemies think of new ways to harm our country, and so do we"
- George W. Bush

this is the only quote of Bush that I am really agree with
this is the end of "chaodongcitiness"
for anyone who wants to explain what the word "chaodong" means,
go ahead
lol

Sudoku

I'm filling in numbers from 1 to 9 in each box. There is only that one special number that can go in that box in order for me to fill out all the rest of the numbers in all the other boxes, because each row and column of boxes can only have that number once.

I've been given a few numbers scattered around the puzzle to start off with. I'm taking my time, making sure to put in the right numbers in the right box. You don't fill in the box with a number unless you are sure of it. Slowly the puzzle starts to fill with numbers, and as there are less and less empty boxes to fill out, the puzzle seems to get easier, soon it will come to an end. Everything looks set and you feel like you're on track to finish it.

Then suddenly, as you are about to fill in the next box you stumble upon a number you cannont fill in because it conflicts. Fuck, it's so stupid because a few minutes ago you were so sure that the number was supposed to go into that box before you filled it in. Now the puzzle doesn't work out no more and you got to erase everything because all the other boxes that you filled in before were all dependent of that box that you filled wrong. Now I gotta start all over again.

How could you be careless in life?

one of these days...

I want to get out of here...
Get me outta this place...

so many useless bullshit drama occur 24/7 as if its live cnn
so sick of it
wanna get out
wanna get out
wanna get out
wanna get out
wanna get out

one of these days...im gon be outta here

November

it is almost the month
the month where everything starts
where both cries and smiles were born
her smiles and her happiness
surrounded the tiny me

I still remember
November used to be the month
when enemies were scared
when the hatred was born deep inside them
when genius was down on the floor
when hardship was paid off

oh moon,
please stay by my side
lemme repeat the history
lemme stay as their greatest terror
lemme me show the world
what I made of

and moon,
lemme tell you what
I found the determination
it is back
just about time
I will be all out
for once again

and please lemme forget
the melody of
November's chopin

Let me howl, let me howl
because after all,
I am just a lone avenger

mixed

Apparently, after several of experiments and observations done on myself
I have come to this conclusion....

If you ever have a party and have to write a test on the day after (let's say party until 3 AM and midterm at 8:30 AM) 4 hours before the exam
this might help:

Alcohol + Caffeine
for example, my favourite vodka redbull,
or the infamous beer then coffee (beer is harder option for me because of the farting session after, I don't know about you guys)

why do I say so? so many times because of these drinks, I woke up at 7 AM and won't be able to go back to sleep for a day, but feel very fresh, fully charged, like redbull in the matador
Some of my friends, which were parts of my experimental guinea pigs had also confirmed that they woke up around the same time and felt so fresh....
(I might be scientist too because I found out new stuff)

But, remember this,
some people had told me that alcohol and caffeine are the roots to cardiac arrest (def: heart attack, sakit jantung, sin ciong pe). They said you might die because of it
so, only if you think you have a strong heart and you dare to take this chance, then go ahead and drink this
otherwise, please don't sleep too late that you might not be able to wake early in the morning and do whatever you should do

I don't taunt anyone of having a weaker heart than mine (I mean I took so many risks already but good think He still let me enjoy the sight of full moon,
thank you for that my Friend)

It is like when you play dotA, you use Centaur Warchief with great vitality and keep using the Double Edge move (which minus 400 of your hp and enemy's at the same time)
For non-gamer, this means alcohol + caffeine may reduce your lifetime in this world as well
so, please check with doctor or read the article from google as well if you happen to like this mixed drink as well

thank you very much and I should go to class right now
bye bye

Dance4Life

1 more month...

World AIDS Day - 1st December
Started in 1988 - now 2008, almost 20 years

and I remember the song for AIDS

Ireove

"Of course this word [ireove] exists ! hahaha, I made this word *my masterpiece
The first word I created, and probably will never be written down in any dictionary..."
Posted by jql in August.

Well, guess what... ireove is now in a dictionary :)

Horror Stuff

Monster in Silent Hill:Homecoming called Needler, but I have nicknamed him "C**k Head, as you can clearly see why

6:30 Am in the morning. I've just finished the movie Stay Alive that involves you trying to survive a video game. Before that, I finished watching Stephen King's The Mist, and also the English version of Mirrors. Lately, I've been having a fascination in horror. All of the horror movies I've seen have almost the same plot. There is a haunted place or some vengeful ghosts seeking revenge. Its all cliche, but hell, it keeps you on the edge of your seat. Video games with terrific horror elements get me going. Games like Resident Evil, Silent Hill, and Fatal Frame are possibly a few out of a larger variety of horror games that can captivate people. In Resident Evil, you have to survive and blast your way through the living undead. In Silent Hill, your true nightmares awaken when you're stuck in a mysterious town and have to face creatures you would have never expected, and finally, in Fatal Frame, you basically take pictures of freaky ass ghosts that randomly pop up in places. Each of these games have that one perfect horror element that keeps you playing and playing and wanting some more. It's kinda got me in this mood to write something, like a story. I mean, I've always tried to think of stuff to write but I keep getting writers block. Maybe if I listen to the right music and proceed at the correct moment, maybe I'll cook up something ingenious. Shit, it may take a while though...I have so many fragmented thoughts right now.

So, Halloween is coming up soon. I miss the good old days of trick-o-treating. Free candy was nice, but there was some ocassions where you'd get a fruit or some other pathetic thing like that. I mean come on, fruit? I got a ton of fruit at home. But the best part I think, is called Devil's Night, and I believe that is before Halloween. You go around doing mischief things I think...like throwing toilet paper in trees and throwing eggs and people's cars and shit. Heheh....

But yeah, just wanted a shout. BTW, I did not know Itachi died. **** what have I been missing??????? -_____-V. Oh, word of advice, do play Silent Hill: Homecoming at night. Trust me...it'll be a much...better experience...heh....

My Hero

(To JQL

I never said Heros are stupid. I said Renji just doesnt seem to....nevermind.
Thats not the point)

I still have my hero. Back then when I was young it used to be Batman, Ultraman, Bioman, Flashman etc..

But as I grew up I found out that #1. They are Japanese...(I always thought they were korean since they spoke korean in Korea hahahaha)
#2. They are humans wearing Tights...not just any tights...Tight tights. sometimes Leather tights..

This was reality and heros did dissapear out of my life. It was the same experience for me for christmas. When I first moved here, Santa didnt bother giving me any presents, I was wondering why and then found out that Santa was racist in Canada. Jk. All these years you thought it was Santa but ended up being my parents. I would say that was a big dissapointment. Now I think about it, I thank them. It mustve been real hard to sneak in the present and place it while I was deep asleep so I wouldnt wake up. I dont need to explain anything right? enough said. That means ALOT.

So I can proudly say that my hero now is my father. Although my hero doesnt have special powers, his way of life was much more meaningful than batman's or super tighty Ultraman.

superstardom

lists of childhood heroes:
1. power rangers




2. Spiderman








3. Wolverine





4. Kamen Rider RX







and many more
(not mentioning SailorMoon and Cardcaptor Sakura)



.
.
.
.



then, years passed, today superhero:


Abarai Renji










T_T
people said this hero is lame
(especially X and Secret)
used bankai every single time but still lost
I think my chosen heroes have become lamer
but it's okay since I am achieving the superstardom

KEEP HOWLING ZABIMARU !

Note: these pictures are definitely not my property, I just googled it..

trust

random:

I have no intention of getting into troubles
but, many times I was dragged into troubles
why? I don't know...
if you call it fate, I say "up to you"
---------------------------------------------
I have changed
trust this too
bombastic before
now becoming ocean
---------------------------------------------
Full of fire trait before
I kept burning and burning
Now learning how to be water
silent assassination
---------------------------------------------
let the game of mind starts
I will be waiting here
sitting and thinking the next steps
my steps to victory
---------------------------------------------
parents said, don't play with fire
also don't swim too far away
then, rather than letting the game start
some might want to leave the fire and water alone
--------------------------------------------
this is a good intention of mine
yet, as I say,
some people never really understand
about the boundaries

aeraxciaz

what about wondering? curiosity?
is it a good trait?
because the prosperity that humans are enjoying today are because of curiosity leading to new discoveries
or is it a bad trait?
because they say: "curiosity killed the cat"

I have always been curious ever since young
But, many times, I have to learn many things by myself too
and
many times parents put restrictions on their kids
of what they should learn and what they should not learn
same as
medias control what getting into our ears

Is it wrong if we defy our parents restrictions and learn what we are not supposed to learn?
is it wrong if we want to know more about what medias restrict us from knowing?
Should the restrictions be the barriers of learning/getting more experiences?
or I could say,
Should I blame the forbidden fruit?
Or should I question even more about why human being so curious?

Before I blame the forbidden fruit, please let me ask myself:

(A) is it because Adam and Eve had eaten the forbidden fruit
then the curiosity trait was passed down to us? I mean, is the curiosity trait came from the forbidden fruit?

or

(B) is it human's trait from the very beginning and forbidden fruit was not the cause?

Let's say A is true, then I have no more wonder, and I will stop asking
but if B is supposedly true, will I become even more a sinner because I will question more?
something like, why the forbidden fruit was placed there if it was not meant for human to eat it?
many many questions
as, should I keep following their rules for the rest of my life? or should I start walking by myself and create my own rules?

but probably I would not get the answer to this question
during my lifetime
then, because of this, should I stop questioning? since the probability of knowing about the forbidden fruit is very unlikely?

or should I keep asking? defying? striving?
anyway, too many questions, head's hurt,
damn, I just want a simple life
but I don't even understand why this mind of mine
never stop asking
and defying

and again

is it a good trait?
or is it a bad trait?

mother nature, please let me stuck in this question, so I might stop asking about other else.. thank you

I must be...

I must be getting old,
When I get hungry, I worry about how Im goin' to support a family in the future rather than supporting my stomach :(

I must be getting old,
When certain things happen, I worry about the consequences. I fear karma and I fear myself. I am afraid to see myself in a puzzle of troubles. I rather read a book. :)

I must be getting old,
I pee way too many times = ="

I must be getting old,
I start to understand my parents as time passes by. I understand the big WHYs I was always curiuos about.

I must be getting old,
I miss my old friends...the good ones and the bad. I want them in my life again because life is way too short if you think about it yea? ; )

I must be getting old,
I want to share my experiences with younger ones and tell them "how back in the days used to roll..."


I must be getting old,
I do not want to do anything that will disgrace my father's name and the familys reputation.

I must be getting old...
but it feels good knowing that im aging with the people i care and love

I must be getting old...
because I sometimes get scared by the thought of losing the people around me in this journey of life... everyone has to go someday but.......I must be getting old... but not old enough...

But I really must be getting old because I just deleted couple of my posts by accident... ARGGGGGGG

surprisingly...

when I checked my calendar last night:
here is what I found out

today party night,
tomorrow morning apparently midterm

T_T

thanksgiving

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!!
supposedly study at home
these 4 days, drink 2 days
sick 1 day
in the need of recuperation
yesterday, drink again
and tomorrow is Asian Night at Fubar
gonna drink again

midterm today, somehow abruptly written
when checking the book, many corrects
hopefully get good mark
(Om ma ne pad me hum)
so that tomorrow drinking is a celebration
cheers for this semester!!

upgrade

ireove.com is now supporting the "green" world
and soon enough, there is another blog in progress
I just have to finish my masterplan before introducing it to you guys

thank you for your supports until now,
which me and fellow writers appreciate a lot

values

same thing, can't sleep
so decide to write
I wanna talk about values
what values most appreciated by me?

first, I like people with "hardworking" value,
as Thomas Alva Edison said, "99% hardworking, 1% genius"
I had done that before, in the most wonderful way
most of my friends, they look down on me when it comes to academic stuffs
I was not doing really good on academic standing
I didn't even care about going to university or college
anything was fine for me
going back to Medan or whatsoever

but, the thing was, I looked at UW for a reason
old story, but yeah...
I said "I want to be there"
I studied, coffee every night
slept at 6am, woke up at 8am everyday
and you know what, first time I got 100 on final exam
perfectly done, I thank my teacher, Mr. Sheridan
he saw it, when I was taking English class, I didn't study
but when I took his history class, he saw me, determined
then, one day, me and Arnold having supper downstair
I got a mail, I opened it, UW said "Congratulations bla bla"
I can't sleep, happiness surrounded me

"hardship is the value that one should carry in order to show the world that he is not bluffing"

next, the value of "not underestimating your enemy"
I learned it from the game, Romance of three kingdoms,
Sun Tzu said,

"if you know yourself and your enemy, then you will win. If you know yourself but not your enemy, then it is 50-50. If you know not even yourself or your enemy, lost is the outcome"

I had this experience, I started playing chess in grade 9
I joined competition, and one of my friends, he was jokingly playing with me
in a competition, and I won
he underestimated me, and I was 16 best out of at least 200 people
what you think?

that's all

wait

27 minutes before next class. I'm stuck here in the library
actually there are things to do, such as assignments...
but currently too tired for that
such time is wasted
for waiting
still learning how to be patient
and I just know that patient really means "to suffer"

if to wait = to be patient
and to be patient = to suffer
then to wait = to suffer

oh, and I really do have fun in konja as well...
such an investigator (not mentioning stalker)
sitting down in corner
looking at the primary angel
if you know what I mean

so many events coming up
but I should stay focus on studying
study first then party
wait first then strike
suffer first then wasted
(still suffer)
row the boat first before swim to the shore
(or in Indonesian "berakit-rakit ke hulu, berenang-renang ke tepian")

anyway, that's all for the boredom
oh, after saying the Indonesian, I remember my favourite line
that everyone hates
"no fish, shrimp also okay"
(tak ada ikan, udang pun jadi)
they said, shrimp is more expensive than fish, but whatever, since the line is made.. why not just stick with it?
this line basically means, if plan A fails then comes plan B
never give up and keep going
til the end of breath - hopefully not because of too much smoke inside lovely lungs
(my friends described me as "a soccer player with the most passion, but no skill !!"

(for teams who had ever accepted me in the past, sorry if you guys just found it out today, I think I might be the best at cheerleading when playing, basically just shout, "we will win" but never kick the ball right on spot, well, no luck, never win gambling)
(and if the ball falls on the right spot, it is wind and the ball's in good position when arriving at my foot)
(sorry again mates)
(I've learned how to kick the ball for so long now, but just as my friends said "no skill !!")

class in 2 minutes
bye

rewind

I plug in my earphones everywhere

listening to my own songs
ignoring the surroundings
one time, I opened up my iTunes
seemed to me that so many songs had disappeared
covered with curiosity, I turned on my external hd
everything is still there, waiting to be listened again

even my Linkin Park's album
three of them: Hybrid Theory, Reanimation, and Meteora. All were there.
so, I transferred them to my iTunes

damn nice!
all this time, I have forgotten about these albums
then, I plugged in my earphones
and I was forced to follow the rewinding to the past
so many memories were brought back

yeah, Linkin Park has been my most favourite band up until now starting from when they made their debut in 2000!!!

I would like to review their albums, one by one:

This album, Hybrid Theory (2000) to me, was the best of all their albums
Songs like Point of Authority, Pushing Me Away, With You, In the End, Papercut, and Cure for the Itch are this album's best songs. Other songs are wonderful as well. I guess, this album is good for releasing the pain inside minds and hearts. A lot of memories from this album. Friendships, love, and vengeance were parts of this album.

Reanimation, released 2002, has background and pictures of "gundam"??
the songs from Hybrid Theory is "reanimated" and more electronic sounds were added into them by Mr. Hahn. I listened to this album mostly when I played my PS1, the game was Legend of Legaia 1. When I bought this album, it was a cassette. Seems like time ages so fast that there is no time for heading back.


Meteora, released 1 year after Reanimation. I don't know why they used the picture of a person spraying a fragrance. The first video for "Somewhere I belong" really shows that they are crazy about Gundam. Hit the Floor, Breaking the Habit, Numb, Faint, and Lying From You were the songs that I listened the most. Apparently, near to the end of grade 10, Don't Stay made appearance to my life. This song accompanied my hard time.

These are the forgotten albums from Indonesia. All are in form of cassettes. And if you asked me how I can convert the songs from cassettes to mp3 or sth. Isn't it obvious? I don't need to convert the songs, everyone knows the name of the technology.

Anyway, these are the crazy albums of Linkin Park. Their latest album, Minutes to Midnight (2007) is tested, people said it is the declining of their rocking era. The songs have gone softer than the ones before. But I still keep some songs from this album in my pockets. Songs such as Given Up, Hands Held High, Valentine's Day, What I've Done, and In Pieces. I bought this album on the day it was released as well(15-5-2007) I thought I gotta line up at store to purchase it, but apparently I didn't need to (well, I was disappointed for no line up)

There are still many of Linkin Park's songs; the underground. But, I haven't been listening to their underground songs. Only one that I like the most, "qwerty". You guys might want to listen to this one.

Anyway, this is the review of Linkin Park's albums and songs.
I love Linkin Park, it is the band that has been with me since 2000 until now, 8 years now. Their songs walked along with me and I think their songs played some roles in building some parts of me today. I guess so..

Thank You, Linkin Park ! ! !

I would really like to put up their songs on my blog, but I guess by doing that, I will have all writers and readers faint while trying to write or read. So, I will leave it like this. Anyway, I'm going back to study.

awakening (feel my vibe)

school stuffs haven't been going well lately..
parents went home today..
here I sit in the lab again..
listening to "element of life"

cramming..
aiming for perfection..
while knowing that perfection is such a disease..
that being perfect is another dead end to improvement..

stuffs haven't been going well lately
body's tired
mind's beat
too many activities

assignments are tons
exams are not waiting
now is the time
to get the logic back

awakening of mind
releasing vibes
(have to study 13x)
this week is hell
straight 4 duedates
as I have just won 649

feet please don't fail me now
let me walk this path
the path of craziness
to the destination sunshine
amen

Why So Serious

Why would i be mad?
If people around me would be affected.
Why would I cry?
If all they do is to pity me.


Therefore I smile,
To hide the pain that I took,
To hide the truth that should not be told,

And........

To forget her.


I can do this alone.

Pain You Can't Fight

Oh god, won't show me,
directions to the cemetary.
This storm's full of rage, and won't seem to back up off me.
Though I need to escape, I need to proceed,
It's too damn cold, my heart's in a freeze.
When you're pissed you've got fire,
In a storm? it's a tease.
Still I have mercy,
And rest in false peace.




It's so much easier to walk the path of pieces, yet so much harder to walk the path of peace. Bet some of you didn't know that.

Dogs...

A puppy was brought to a small village to his new owner.
It wiggled his tail to everyone in the village. He was always happy and appreciated the fact that he was loved by the owner and the people.

He would follow the owner wherever it may be, in the rain or even in the snow. He was the happiest dog in the world.

They say Dog's lives revolve around us. It is said that even in pain, as long as we're there, nothing else mattered to them.

Time passed by and the dog aged.
As shocking as it sounds people in the village wanted to eat him now that he is fully grown.
Shocking thing is that even the owner took part of this cruel act.
He smacked his head making him uncautious.
He then threw him into a boiling pot of water.

...

But from the hot water the dog woke up.
From the shock he fought his way back out of the pot.
He then saw his owner standing there with the bat.

The dog wiggled his tail and nothing else mattered...he was happy

*Dogs are more loyal than humans. I wonder why people treat them like trash.

Think again

Somewhere in this world there is a young man who lives with his mother. He carries a rare disease which holds a shape of round tumor-like bumps all over the body and face. He was only in his 20s. It was even hard to tell the gender of that young man due to the severe symptoms.

His spinal cord was out of place making him disabled to do everyday chores. As he walked with his slouched back he looked really discomforted and was in pain as he took his steps.

I do not know the name of this disease but it is very rare, and unfortuantely he has received this rare disease from his mother.
She too was suffering by the same disease. She says it hurts her more than anything to see her son inherit her rare disease.

What do we wish for in our 20s? I wish for good grades, getting rich, meeting a good girlfriend...wanting to have nice things etc.. Im sure most of people agree.

This young man had a different wish.

"I wish one day, I could carry my mother on my very own back and walk to places with my own strength"

This is a true story,
So what are you complaining about?
We tend to forget that there are people out there who are in much worse condition than us. We always think that our problem is the greatest problem in the world.
So lets think twice and appreciate what we have and let us not take anything for granted.

-X

Z

if A is the beginning of life
what is Z?
is it the end of life?
or is it just before another beginning?

why sudden talk about life?
"I don't know"
"I just feel like to"

what's life?
"I think it's a game"
or
"dream"

what about death?
"I think it's pause"
or
"washroom break"

"
I used to imagine the place where everything is just so white, I stand in the middle of building,
I open up my hands and look at the bright sky
everything is blurry
but I sense
peace
happiness
and
I am alone
"

what was that image?
why had I not seen it anymore
as I am growing up?

will I see it again one day?
when Z arrives?

If I believe
Life is a game
Death is a pause
Z is not the end
but the trigger of another A

will I see and go to the place I belong?
where peace awaits?

I guess it is a big mystery
after all, as long as Z hasn't arrive
I won't know

Fighting - The Story of Lone Wolf

"Why people fight?" Doom asked on his post

My thought travels back to the young day
Indeed, I should say, I was a boy with anger and rage
(I think I needed anger management before)
Good thing I was in the class full of good students
But, I was often up for a fight for fun, fame, and attentions

Until that day..... my friend told me "don't go upstairs, someone wanna beat the shit out of you!!"
I said, "who the hell said that? let's go upstairs". So, we went upstairs

The guy in front of me had more suitable fighting body and he kept talking and can't stop shouting at me. He stroke right into my pride. All his talking, it was a true to everyone, but it was a false to me. Those words weren't right but no one believed me I fought and I lost. I got hit yet I was happy (talk about youth and stupidity...)

But, I was fighting for something valuable this time. Ironically, I had never done that before. All those times before, I fought for attention and I was just a small wolf trying to lead.

During the fight, something came to my mind.

Something that said, "forget it, I am tired of this, I just want to go down"

So I forgot about it and just went downstairs in the middle of the fight. People were wandering what happened. I didn't too understand what's happening. I admitted I lost.

Good friend told me that was when I've won against myself

And I have learnt that
fight for something you value the most
stand up when you know you are right
if there is no reason to fight, don't try to find one reason
walk away as a winner, don't worry about what they say.

Oh well, that's old story about my uncool fight where I got beaten into pulp. Hope it is a good story for you to digest. And lately, I figure out that diplomacy is somewhat better than using fists.

Random Post - Fighting?

Hey all, this is my first time writing in a blog. I have massive writer's block and I'm not quite sure what to write about since everyone else will be viewing this. But I guess I'll write some random stuff for the hell of it. One thought comes to mind. Fighting. I don't' know why. I was going home, riding an elevator when I thought about it. Fighting. Fighting. Fighting. Why do people fight? For fun? For defense? For reputation? To impress women? To conquer and destroy? All humans have the genetic disposition to fight. Its in our system. We have been born with the urge to fight. Why we fight is a different story. We make the decisions to initiate a fight or participate in a fight.

What pisses me off are those who find people fighting a form of entertainment. Its not funny seeing two people fight. I think its stupid. I mean those who are fighting mostly likely have their reasons, but its just plain stupid to watch fights. Its retarded. Its my opinion, so I'll say it flat.

Fight when you have to. Don't fight for the stupidest reasons. It's dumb. To risk your life or health if you know that its not going to accomplish anything. We fight because we have to or something else is influencing us...especially beer. Drunken fights are dumb because you are not thinking clearly. You will look like a complete idiot. If you're going to fight, then fight with a clear conscious.

Okay, this is my first post and I said it would be a masterpiece lol, but I'm not really under the influence. Give me some beer and then I'll write a novel lol. But again, my associate, Mr. X heheheh...has advised me to write some stuff here and I might as well. This blog is there to share ideas and some of the ideas posted here are very intresting and knowledable.

@~Doom Of Jin A.K.A Fungue~@

to JQL

Smoking

I think i started smoking around grade 9-10ish due to peer pressure.
My good friend always used to tell me, a drag of smoke will turn into 1 cigs, and that will turn into a pack.
And it did, and plus I became a chain smoker.
I had many nicknames such as 'chimney' because smoke was always coming out of my mouth.
Smoking was so hard to quit,
I tried almost everything,
and so many excuses came out of it.

Nicotine patch do not work.
Just 1 puff does not work.
Social smoking does not mean you quit.
1 cig. once a week is still considered smoking.
I will quit next year, or after this pack is bull****.

It takes a real hardcore dedication to quit.
If you have no reason to quit, then don't quit...because trust me..you CAN'T.
But if you do care and respect yourself, then please do.

How did you quit SKY?

-Because I am super cool.

-I chose a special date, for example. Dec 24th was the day I became a non-smoker.

-I took it one day at a time. I never forced myself to quit, but I did tell myself this, "I can smoke whenever I want, but I will choose not to smoke today"

-By doing this, you are not FORCING yourself to quit, which makes you want to smoke even more. This is Nicotine talking, but by telling yourself as above, YOU are controlling that Nicotine craving.
-Do not believe in your friends. They will not quit for, or with you.

-Take the challenge. Why are you investing on lung cancer and other negative effects?

On a personal note:

"You look cool without the smoke in your mouth Mr.JQL!" whispers Mr.Sky.
"I dont care if other people dont quit, but i want YOU to quit" yells Mr.Sky.

-X

OMG!!

It took me a long time to figure out
How to post on this blog
By The Time I figured it out
I was illiterate as a frog



Next time I'll remember to log in before I try.




Peace.

Rough 101

It was an awfully busy Tuesday last week..
I got four classes which started from 8:30 - 6:20
and I also got to work after the last class
I came to work and my chef told me I gotta wash about 200 people's plates
and it's only me working that Tuesday
(Why didn't they just ask me to wipe their asses as well???)
(in my tired state, I might have said "YES PLEASE, LEMME WIPE THEM!!")
.
.
(and this is a joke, thanks)

But this post is not about work, washing dishes, or wiping someone's ass or whatsoever..
Rough 101 proudly presents the most intriguing question of the semester

"WHAT DOES ANDREAS HALIM, 20 YEARS OLD SINGLE, WANT FROM THIS SEMESTER?"

(starting from here, I am going to be serious)
- the very thing I want is self-improvement

- I want to get better grades

- improve my skills in chess (for Christopher Rijab, who currently resides in Medan, be careful the second time you meet me in viwawa.com)

- works toward "Project Prince"
(what the fuck is "Project Prince"?)
(only four people know)

- have a wonderful time with my family here in Canada (yeap, I can't wait for the "Halims" to arrive)(the only chance to say "mom, take me shopping", "pop, wanna play billiard?")
(yes, I want to beat my pop in billiard, this guy is too mysterious, I don't even know yet whether he can play billiard or not, and what if he can drink more than me?)

SEPT - DEC 2008 ==> THESE ARE THINGS I GOTTA ACCOMPLISHED !
and hopefully before the end of November 2008, I can finally have guts to shout
"Hello, Andreas Halim, 21 years old, single, nice to meet you, here I come baby world"
(and I'm serious)

-the end-















never seen how I look like when Im studying?
here is one example,
and seriously,
no comment is needed for this picture

wake

Nothing to do, can't sleep, tired from work
I try to write a story
random thought
listen to this story:

born a loner
avenger middle name
fated to befriend hatred
forged one goal
.
were times forgotten only goal
were when exposed to
"lesser world"
time passed by
one mistake
worsened the state of mind
.
he stayed loner
he focused
he thought
"in what way . .
. . should be carried out?"
.
"bigger world" era
were times he forgot again
were when he faked smile
trying to understand what smile means
and how to smile
befriended happiness
yet, world disagrees
.
now back as loner
befriended moon
whispering
"when will that day arrive?"
moon didn't reply
so he waits
for the reply
for the day
.
for awakening
.
questioned
what's next?
"after it's done
I'm ready to go
somewhere far away
alone"
he said
.
deep inside he now knows
loneliness
is what he really wants
.
darkness,
welcomes him
for him only belongs
to the night
.
-the end-

X

My destined path.
I've walked a long way.
But why have you led me here?
When times were hard, you left me in the dark.
You dragged by my feet through pain and sorrow.
At one point you have shown me the true meaning of loneliness.

But in my sorrow I have found inspiration.

You have equipped me.

You have given me the light.
You have given me the power of hope and dreams.
The fogged vision of the path is now crystal clear.
It seems far away,
but at least I know where I need to be headed.

This is my journey.
Everyday is a new chapter.
Every step I take prints a memory of the past.
The memories will guide me through the hard times.

I hope to see you all at the finish line.

-by X

Lasagna

literally, I start to hate lasagna this day, probably because of my part time job
I came today to work, and I saw the whole load of lasagna pans
imagine how hard should I brush it?
damn
I am starting to hate these lasagna(s)

california roll

next week the new semester starts
hopefully everything will go smoothly as I planned

...wrapping up the california roll...
what have I done this semester
not really much
didn't study that much and not organized
didn't work that much as well
sleep even more

what have I learned this semester
I learned quite a bit of lessons
about life
I messed up too much on almost everything I was doing
especially education
gotta do something about it
I also learned how to appreciate
instead of blaming other people for causing my misery
I should appreciate them because they made me what I am today

my hatred won over my happiness
it's time to forget it
leave the past alone
burn the evidences

thanks to Sauble beach
thanks to a friend
I realized

there are still so many lessons but I won't put it down here
otherwise people might call me philosopher later
anyway, next semester won't be the same
it's time for bringing sexyback
thank you and good bye

Happy Birthday Putro !

We, the IREOVE team, wish you

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!

Wishes for you:

"wishing you have a best-est time on your birthday (if you want a party, tell us), and good luck for the present and future"
- jqL

"祝您生日快乐 lol"
- Irv

"muehehehe... Hapi Bday PUTRO!!! kapan nehh .., LOL dia ga ada fb, jadi gw ga tao !! lol"
- Timo da nemo

"Happy Birthday, Tro!!.. wishing you all the best! good luck on everything"
- Rudy & Herlina

"Happy Birthday Putro!"
- Kenneth

"Happy Birthday, Putro! Good luck on whatever you're working on."
- Ivan

"Happy Bday Putro, all the best for everything and we hope your job is treating you well.. ^^v makan" jgn lupa ya.. =p"
- Oliv & Theodore the Chipmunk

"Happy Birthday, I wish the best for everything, your work and love life especially =p"
- Tika

"Happy Bday Putro, All the best in the upcoming year!"
- Elisa

contaminated

news about deli meat and Maple Leaf products - thanks to Putro for sending the link to me
12 people were killed because of listeriosis (rest in peace, amen..) and several other people are under treatment now

hopefully the outbreak stops soon
so, please be careful of what you eat
good luck

Most lucrative college majors

Read this article:

Elisa and other engineering students: Damn you rich-to-be! *just joking* =p
Jefferey, Jane... what do you think? Be a "doctor that does not help (save) people" aka taking PhD?

Obama's flaw?

Well, since Irv decided not to write his article on the US election, I guess I will...

I find that although most of my values align closer to McCain (according to this site), but I am an Obama supporter. Mostly because the Republicans have had power for too long. You gotta go back and forth, otherwise it's no fun... and also 'coz McCain supports Bush, the Iraq war, and thinks that to be rich, you have to have $5million annual income :P

Obama has really amazed me in terms of how he connects to the people, and how he's utilized technology for his campaign. He - besides Ron Paul - is the hero of the nerds - until now. I have heard great things about Joe & Jill Biden, until this surfaces. Are the nerds going to change their allegiance? We'll see, I guess...